ive been thinking of leaving my wife lately. there a bunch of reasons. she has gotten to be very religous, ( thats really not the problem). and i feel that she is tring to control what i do and watch. she gets pissed if i watch ghost hunters. she says its straight from hell. i cant go out anywhere not even with my brothers or she is going to have a problem with it. although she just talked to her best friend and they want to have a girls night out. me idont have a problem with them going out im not with her to control her. but if i cant go why should she? also im not sexualy satisfied by far. 1 year i kept trak of how many times we hade sex and oral sex. with out her knowing bcuz she was saying i was crazy. last year we had sex 26 times and a BJ twice in the whole year. and the bj where 2 min long each. i do have a family i dont want to leave but im not happy. so should i stay becuz of the kids. and live unhappy she dosnt work has a new car and i still cant pleaze her please helpPlease help marriage advice?
Leaving your wife, which will cause you to lose a lot of people that you love, is not the answer. You will not be any happier if you have to see your kids on the weekends or only get to pick them up from school on Wednesdays. I know marriage can be tough, especially if your sexual drive is not being fulfilled. And I know that not sharing the same interests as your wife can be challenging. However, you are the man, it is your job to lead her.
If she is not responsive to sex, maybe it's that she is no longer turned on, women need to be excited, they need to feel like you are still chasing after them. Chances are if you aren't satisfied sexually, neither is she.
Secondly, as the leader of your marriage, you are in charge of loving your wife, no matter what she now believes. You are supposed to give all you have, that means you need to try to understand her beliefs and be tolerant of them, or even show an interest in them. I know my words aren't easy, but there is nothing harder than for a child to have to grow up in a split home.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Marriage Advice?
My husband is a really great guy. He is sucessful and sweet - and he has a lot of people that really care about him. We just moved back to our hometown after living away for over 5 years. Now, things are really strange. We went from being together for dinner every afternoon (and I really looked forward to spending the evenings with him) to him being gone drinking with his brother/buddies all the time. He usually gets home around midnight, but I am fast asleep by then (I work really early hours). I am sad and worried about this because I really like spending time with my husband and the evenings are all we have. When I try to talk to him about it, he just gets defensive and ends up leaving anyway - but in a mad rage. He says I am overreacting and he just likes to not sit at home when he has nothing to do the next day.
*Oh yea, and a little note - my husband is 25 and his brother (and the kids he is going out with) are all underage - like 19-20. What should I do?Marriage Advice?
Time for hubby to grow up.... seems to me he wants his ';single'; life back even though he is married. Time to sit him down and talk seriously...if he keeps getting mad and defensive, then I would think he has something to hide... Perhaps it's time for you to accompany him on his ';drinking nights';... if he adamantly Say's NO to that... then something is definitely up.Marriage Advice?
Talk to him about it more. Communication is important and I know that you have tried to talk to him but if he really cares about how you feel and loves you than he will compromise.
why dont you suggest going out with your husband and his friends that way you can still feel like an important part of his life. He may be bored of just staying at home. Or you could take him out somewhere fun. If this does not work the n you will need to sit down with your husband and talk seriously as there may be a more deeply rooted issue.
Have you tried making it special, so that he will want to stay at home.
join them... maybe your husband felt that he had missed all the 'fun', hence he is catching up... he is still young and to be so popular, it is inevitable that he will socialise alot..
so, you can try to join them a couple of times every now and then... in a way, at least you know what they are doing, in another way, you are with him..
though you have to work in early hours, you can join them during the eve of your off days... so that the next day, which is not a working day, you can sleep in..natural instinct
*Oh yea, and a little note - my husband is 25 and his brother (and the kids he is going out with) are all underage - like 19-20. What should I do?Marriage Advice?
Time for hubby to grow up.... seems to me he wants his ';single'; life back even though he is married. Time to sit him down and talk seriously...if he keeps getting mad and defensive, then I would think he has something to hide... Perhaps it's time for you to accompany him on his ';drinking nights';... if he adamantly Say's NO to that... then something is definitely up.Marriage Advice?
Talk to him about it more. Communication is important and I know that you have tried to talk to him but if he really cares about how you feel and loves you than he will compromise.
why dont you suggest going out with your husband and his friends that way you can still feel like an important part of his life. He may be bored of just staying at home. Or you could take him out somewhere fun. If this does not work the n you will need to sit down with your husband and talk seriously as there may be a more deeply rooted issue.
Have you tried making it special, so that he will want to stay at home.
join them... maybe your husband felt that he had missed all the 'fun', hence he is catching up... he is still young and to be so popular, it is inevitable that he will socialise alot..
so, you can try to join them a couple of times every now and then... in a way, at least you know what they are doing, in another way, you are with him..
though you have to work in early hours, you can join them during the eve of your off days... so that the next day, which is not a working day, you can sleep in..
Any advices?I have to make a difficult decision.I am married,have a child (from the1st marriage),but my ?
daughter grew up with my husband,so he is like a father to her.The problem is my husband has a psychological sickness which drives us both(me and my daughter) crazy. He is also a VERY stingy person.Sex life is zero.I thought it麓s time for me to go to psycho-hospital,I was at the end of my emotional and physical limits.Then I met him.This man was so different,he was from another world.The problem is that he is married.It麓s not that I took him away from his wife.Before he had another relationship,but that woman was at the end not the one he was looking for.To make the long story short.I feel sorry about my husband,I am afraid if I leave him his health condition will get even worse,though he has his difficult character ,I think he loves my daughter ,because he helps a lot in her studying,they communicate really good.It麓s just when he has his bad mood ,then we are under the psycho-pressure.Another problem is that the man I have met is still officially married and i am afraid he won麓t love my daughter and she will be unhappy.I am afraid to make a mistake,but I also want to be happy as woman and as a mother.Hopefully my chaotic letter has explained my situation.Please only serious answers.Thank you.Any advices?I have to make a difficult decision.I am married,have a child (from the1st marriage),but my ?
Try to fix your marriage first , what are the reasons that sex life is zero ? maybe he needs medical help . Moving from one husband to another should be done for very good reasons and after losing all the hopes for fixing the marriage . If you feel you'll fall in sin because you don't have sex with him and there is no cure for his case then you have the right to leave him if you want and find another unmarried man to marry.
I can see that you want to keep with him only because of your daughter , well if you can make this sacrifice for your daughter and for him not to get more sick then be it if you want , you know yourself better but if you decided to leave and you have the right for this decision then don't want you to worry about your daughter , one day she will grow up and have her life , separation from him will be difficult for her in the beginning but then she will be adapt .
I don't think you'll manage to marry the other married man , if you reached the decision to divorce your husband wait for a better unmarried man to marry .
Good luck .Any advices?I have to make a difficult decision.I am married,have a child (from the1st marriage),but my ?
Your situation is too complicated.
There is no Via Media in this life my dear lady.
Either you have to accept this man as he is or dump and leave him to his fate.
Start a fresh life with someone who gives you everything without asking you anything.
If you are so unhappy seperate from you husband but do not get with anyone else anytime soon. You need to put your daughters well being first. One day she will be gone and you can do what you want but until then she is #1.
You have to leave him for your own protection.
However, don't look to this other man as a savior. he appears to have a history of infidelity.
Get yourself taken care of first.
if you leave your husband, do it for the right reason. let it be because things did not work out between the 2 of you not because you want to be with someone else. do not rely on someone else to make you happy
What does ur daughter have to do with it. You are to complicated to even understand.
This is complicated.
Try asking on:
http://spousesanonymous.ning.com/
The man that you are having the relationship with that's not your husband also has some problems if he keeps having relationships with other women that are not his wife. So you would be putting your daughter in another situation that is unstable. Maybe you should just get you and your daughter in a place where you are not at risk for some type of heartbreak or mental abuse.
I am sure this is not the best time to get involve with another man, especially a married man because you're unsure what to do. Seeing what happen with your marriage, do you want to break another person's marriage? Let's not avoid the facts by seeking a way out, but look on the bright side... Your daughter gets along with her father, and they both communicate well. The daughter deserves a healthy family and future. At the present, you should work the issues out with your husband.
It's very difficult for you to resolve this on your own or with your husband by what you wrote. It's best to seek counseling or psychotherapist. If you're afraid that there're frictions when asking your husband to attend such therapy, then can ask him to accompany you, so he won't be upset. Making sure you let the psychotherapist knows that in advance, so he can get your husband involves while there. I am sure your husband will start the conversation once you tell him to accompany you to a therapist. Just remember don't identify him as the sole problems generator.
Hope all goes well in the near future.
as you know i have been in a similar situation. i would say to you please be very careful - the grass is not always greener. If possible separate from your husband and live on your own with your daughter. Do you have any where to go? Could he go anywhere to live? Does he have a psychiatric nurse who could support him throught the split? Maybe talk to his Gp about things to see what support could be put in place for him. You cant stay with him because you are worried about his mental health, eventually you will really resent him and it will destroy you both.
You dont mention if you love either of these men ? do you ? You have to be sure that you are making the right decision as the fall out will really affect your daughter. Why not go for counseeling for yourself?
You also need support and need someone to talk to.
I wish you well, but be careful, you can never really judge a man you are having an affair with totally.
Also is he a good long term investment ? Imagine a years time if you are living together . will you be able to trust him ?
Good luck
Your afraid that this man wont love your daughter, well how about your daughter being unhappy that you are taking her away from the one father that has been a constant in her life? You don't mention that her real dad is even in the picture, so this would be the third 'dad' you would put in your child's life?
One thing you know for sure about this man is the he is unfaithful in relationships and has no difficulty cheating on a wife. Is that really the example you want around your daughter? Even if you made a little family, you would eventually have to explain his absence to your daughter, why he's staying out late or not coming home at all (yes, once a cheater always a cheater). You mentioned that the man ditched his prior girlfriend, what makes you think he's looking for another wife, especially since he has not divorced the first one? He may just be looking for a relationship on the side, but not be looking for a wife and kid.
You are in a difficult situation. First, as far as your husband goes, sounds like he needs some professional help for his illness and if he refuses to get it, I would leave and make a new life for myself. You deserve to be happy and it doesn't sound like you are now. Second, the other man is not the answer. He is married and not available. The fact that he has had at least one other affair speaks for his character. I would say until he is divorced and available you should stay clear of him. In the meantime, do what is best for yourself and your daughter. Change can be difficult, but it is well worth it.
Get your husband some help.
He obviously cares for his daughter alot, so dont take that away from him.
I know you must be feeling pretty lonely right now because of it, but seeing another married man, im sorry, but its not the answer.
If you cant talk to your husband about his problem then talk to a marriage councillor or psychologist about it.
Its easy to get help, so dont give up on your husband.
There's obviously still love there otherwise he wouldnt be making an effort with your daughter.
Of course if he became violent, then you need to think about your daughter first.
its easy to be attracted to someone else when you your current life relationship has problems. This is not the way to sort things out. Forget the married man unless you want more drama, stress and problems not to mention what kind of role model you are to your daughter to be having a fling with a married man or any man. You are not sorting things out but looking to avoid dealing with your husband and need to either get him help or separate from him. Tough decisions made worse if you get involved with someone else and not to mention the hurt you will create do you really want that.
If this man is married, I would not trust him. If he will cheat on his wife, he will cheat on you too. You don't need to put your child through that. It would probably be best if you left your husband, and found a guy that was truly available. You don't want to give your child the idea that it is okay to date married men, or that her future husband should be allowed to cheat. You are not doing her any favors. She has already gone through enough losing two fathers. She does not need to wonder where this man is on holidays and get attached, and him decide to stay with his wife.
Here's a huge hint. You are very naive. Married guys tell you these stories so that they can get you to sleep with them on the side. They lie and say they do not sleep with their wives, and that the wife does not understand them, and that they love you. These are all lies. If they did not love their wives, or could not get along with them, then why aren't they divorced? Wouldn't it be better for the both of them?
Tell him that you can not pursue the relationship until he files for divorce. My guess is that he never will. Then you will know for sure. Don't set yourself up for more misery. You have already experienced enough.
Try to fix your marriage first , what are the reasons that sex life is zero ? maybe he needs medical help . Moving from one husband to another should be done for very good reasons and after losing all the hopes for fixing the marriage . If you feel you'll fall in sin because you don't have sex with him and there is no cure for his case then you have the right to leave him if you want and find another unmarried man to marry.
I can see that you want to keep with him only because of your daughter , well if you can make this sacrifice for your daughter and for him not to get more sick then be it if you want , you know yourself better but if you decided to leave and you have the right for this decision then don't want you to worry about your daughter , one day she will grow up and have her life , separation from him will be difficult for her in the beginning but then she will be adapt .
I don't think you'll manage to marry the other married man , if you reached the decision to divorce your husband wait for a better unmarried man to marry .
Good luck .Any advices?I have to make a difficult decision.I am married,have a child (from the1st marriage),but my ?
Your situation is too complicated.
There is no Via Media in this life my dear lady.
Either you have to accept this man as he is or dump and leave him to his fate.
Start a fresh life with someone who gives you everything without asking you anything.
If you are so unhappy seperate from you husband but do not get with anyone else anytime soon. You need to put your daughters well being first. One day she will be gone and you can do what you want but until then she is #1.
You have to leave him for your own protection.
However, don't look to this other man as a savior. he appears to have a history of infidelity.
Get yourself taken care of first.
if you leave your husband, do it for the right reason. let it be because things did not work out between the 2 of you not because you want to be with someone else. do not rely on someone else to make you happy
What does ur daughter have to do with it. You are to complicated to even understand.
This is complicated.
Try asking on:
http://spousesanonymous.ning.com/
The man that you are having the relationship with that's not your husband also has some problems if he keeps having relationships with other women that are not his wife. So you would be putting your daughter in another situation that is unstable. Maybe you should just get you and your daughter in a place where you are not at risk for some type of heartbreak or mental abuse.
I am sure this is not the best time to get involve with another man, especially a married man because you're unsure what to do. Seeing what happen with your marriage, do you want to break another person's marriage? Let's not avoid the facts by seeking a way out, but look on the bright side... Your daughter gets along with her father, and they both communicate well. The daughter deserves a healthy family and future. At the present, you should work the issues out with your husband.
It's very difficult for you to resolve this on your own or with your husband by what you wrote. It's best to seek counseling or psychotherapist. If you're afraid that there're frictions when asking your husband to attend such therapy, then can ask him to accompany you, so he won't be upset. Making sure you let the psychotherapist knows that in advance, so he can get your husband involves while there. I am sure your husband will start the conversation once you tell him to accompany you to a therapist. Just remember don't identify him as the sole problems generator.
Hope all goes well in the near future.
as you know i have been in a similar situation. i would say to you please be very careful - the grass is not always greener. If possible separate from your husband and live on your own with your daughter. Do you have any where to go? Could he go anywhere to live? Does he have a psychiatric nurse who could support him throught the split? Maybe talk to his Gp about things to see what support could be put in place for him. You cant stay with him because you are worried about his mental health, eventually you will really resent him and it will destroy you both.
You dont mention if you love either of these men ? do you ? You have to be sure that you are making the right decision as the fall out will really affect your daughter. Why not go for counseeling for yourself?
You also need support and need someone to talk to.
I wish you well, but be careful, you can never really judge a man you are having an affair with totally.
Also is he a good long term investment ? Imagine a years time if you are living together . will you be able to trust him ?
Good luck
Your afraid that this man wont love your daughter, well how about your daughter being unhappy that you are taking her away from the one father that has been a constant in her life? You don't mention that her real dad is even in the picture, so this would be the third 'dad' you would put in your child's life?
One thing you know for sure about this man is the he is unfaithful in relationships and has no difficulty cheating on a wife. Is that really the example you want around your daughter? Even if you made a little family, you would eventually have to explain his absence to your daughter, why he's staying out late or not coming home at all (yes, once a cheater always a cheater). You mentioned that the man ditched his prior girlfriend, what makes you think he's looking for another wife, especially since he has not divorced the first one? He may just be looking for a relationship on the side, but not be looking for a wife and kid.
You are in a difficult situation. First, as far as your husband goes, sounds like he needs some professional help for his illness and if he refuses to get it, I would leave and make a new life for myself. You deserve to be happy and it doesn't sound like you are now. Second, the other man is not the answer. He is married and not available. The fact that he has had at least one other affair speaks for his character. I would say until he is divorced and available you should stay clear of him. In the meantime, do what is best for yourself and your daughter. Change can be difficult, but it is well worth it.
Get your husband some help.
He obviously cares for his daughter alot, so dont take that away from him.
I know you must be feeling pretty lonely right now because of it, but seeing another married man, im sorry, but its not the answer.
If you cant talk to your husband about his problem then talk to a marriage councillor or psychologist about it.
Its easy to get help, so dont give up on your husband.
There's obviously still love there otherwise he wouldnt be making an effort with your daughter.
Of course if he became violent, then you need to think about your daughter first.
its easy to be attracted to someone else when you your current life relationship has problems. This is not the way to sort things out. Forget the married man unless you want more drama, stress and problems not to mention what kind of role model you are to your daughter to be having a fling with a married man or any man. You are not sorting things out but looking to avoid dealing with your husband and need to either get him help or separate from him. Tough decisions made worse if you get involved with someone else and not to mention the hurt you will create do you really want that.
If this man is married, I would not trust him. If he will cheat on his wife, he will cheat on you too. You don't need to put your child through that. It would probably be best if you left your husband, and found a guy that was truly available. You don't want to give your child the idea that it is okay to date married men, or that her future husband should be allowed to cheat. You are not doing her any favors. She has already gone through enough losing two fathers. She does not need to wonder where this man is on holidays and get attached, and him decide to stay with his wife.
Here's a huge hint. You are very naive. Married guys tell you these stories so that they can get you to sleep with them on the side. They lie and say they do not sleep with their wives, and that the wife does not understand them, and that they love you. These are all lies. If they did not love their wives, or could not get along with them, then why aren't they divorced? Wouldn't it be better for the both of them?
Tell him that you can not pursue the relationship until he files for divorce. My guess is that he never will. Then you will know for sure. Don't set yourself up for more misery. You have already experienced enough.
I need advice. My b/f and I have children from prior marriages. I have dinner with his child but he doesn't ?
come over to have dinner with my children. There is always an excuse. I also invited my best friend to dinner tonight. Now my children are older between 16 and 23 so they aren't tiny kids running around misbehaving. What should I do about these two and their excuses not to join us at my home for a nice dinner. I am a wonderful cook so my cooking is not the problem.I need advice. My b/f and I have children from prior marriages. I have dinner with his child but he doesn't ?
If he loves you, he needs to learn to love your kids. If he can't bring himself to spend time with them now, while you're dating and he's presumably on his best behavior, that's not going to change if the relationship progresses further.
You need to tell him that his reluctance to spend time with your children and accept them into his life is a serious concern for you. If he has some problem with your kids that he hasn't told you about, he needs to get that off his chest so it can be addressed. You also need to make it absolutely clear to him that his habit of continually putting distance between himself and your kids is a deal-breaker as far as your relationship with him is concerned. Otherwise he's going to think what he's doing is OK, and will be blindsided when you break it off.I need advice. My b/f and I have children from prior marriages. I have dinner with his child but he doesn't ?
sounds like he wants to have control of the relationship and he feels it will be lost by coming and meeting your kids. Also maybe he isn't sure how serious the relationship will be so he doesn't want to get to know your kids until he is sure it is going to last. Finally maybe you think you are a good cook but you really are terrible.
maybe its just taking him a little bit longer to adjust to the situation than it takes you. give him some time, if he continues this behavior then it is probably a problem for him.
probably scared........he is probably not ready :) that's what i'd think
Next time he invites you over for dinner, just bring your kids along or have him schedule the next dinner and let him know your taking your kids with you. If you've been together 2 years then what's the hold up? If he has an excuse each time you have dinner plans with your children then somethings up. Is your bf young? Perhaps he feels intimidated by your kids since your eldest is 23.
that is tough I wouldn't push it, just hope that one day it will get better
maybe next time he is all gung ho for you to spend time with HIS kids you can be busy etc, sounds like dad is not quite as eager to play happy families on your side of things.......
Of course your cooking is not a problem. There is something more than his excuses, dear. He is not yet ready to meet with your kids because they are already at the age wherein they could very well manage to assess your situation with him in all aspects. Kids are more sensitive than their parents when it comes to family issues. They would not miss one detail.
I do not like to sound negative but I could sense fear in your bf. I could sense that he is not yet ready to bond with your kids for reasons that only him knows. You and I do not know what he thinks. Have you assessed his commitment to you? Men who are willing to commit will do all means to connect and meet with all the family members of his beloved.
I suggest that you schedule a dinner date with him in private. Not inside your house but outside where he could talk freely and not hide how he feels. Open up and listen to his side. You will be the only one who could say if he is sincere in his explanation or not.
I hope it works. Everything can be arranged through polite and balanced communication. Good luck. :)
wow its hard for a relationship to run smooth when there are kids on both sides still at home, just sit every one down and have a long talk
I'm sorry, but find another boyfriend. If this is not working now, think of who you are going to have to choose after the marriage. Choosing between children and the man is going to do nothing but give you sorrow.
That is really strange. Ask them straight up. That's what I would do.
If he loves you, he needs to learn to love your kids. If he can't bring himself to spend time with them now, while you're dating and he's presumably on his best behavior, that's not going to change if the relationship progresses further.
You need to tell him that his reluctance to spend time with your children and accept them into his life is a serious concern for you. If he has some problem with your kids that he hasn't told you about, he needs to get that off his chest so it can be addressed. You also need to make it absolutely clear to him that his habit of continually putting distance between himself and your kids is a deal-breaker as far as your relationship with him is concerned. Otherwise he's going to think what he's doing is OK, and will be blindsided when you break it off.I need advice. My b/f and I have children from prior marriages. I have dinner with his child but he doesn't ?
sounds like he wants to have control of the relationship and he feels it will be lost by coming and meeting your kids. Also maybe he isn't sure how serious the relationship will be so he doesn't want to get to know your kids until he is sure it is going to last. Finally maybe you think you are a good cook but you really are terrible.
maybe its just taking him a little bit longer to adjust to the situation than it takes you. give him some time, if he continues this behavior then it is probably a problem for him.
probably scared........he is probably not ready :) that's what i'd think
Next time he invites you over for dinner, just bring your kids along or have him schedule the next dinner and let him know your taking your kids with you. If you've been together 2 years then what's the hold up? If he has an excuse each time you have dinner plans with your children then somethings up. Is your bf young? Perhaps he feels intimidated by your kids since your eldest is 23.
that is tough I wouldn't push it, just hope that one day it will get better
maybe next time he is all gung ho for you to spend time with HIS kids you can be busy etc, sounds like dad is not quite as eager to play happy families on your side of things.......
Of course your cooking is not a problem. There is something more than his excuses, dear. He is not yet ready to meet with your kids because they are already at the age wherein they could very well manage to assess your situation with him in all aspects. Kids are more sensitive than their parents when it comes to family issues. They would not miss one detail.
I do not like to sound negative but I could sense fear in your bf. I could sense that he is not yet ready to bond with your kids for reasons that only him knows. You and I do not know what he thinks. Have you assessed his commitment to you? Men who are willing to commit will do all means to connect and meet with all the family members of his beloved.
I suggest that you schedule a dinner date with him in private. Not inside your house but outside where he could talk freely and not hide how he feels. Open up and listen to his side. You will be the only one who could say if he is sincere in his explanation or not.
I hope it works. Everything can be arranged through polite and balanced communication. Good luck. :)
wow its hard for a relationship to run smooth when there are kids on both sides still at home, just sit every one down and have a long talk
I'm sorry, but find another boyfriend. If this is not working now, think of who you are going to have to choose after the marriage. Choosing between children and the man is going to do nothing but give you sorrow.
That is really strange. Ask them straight up. That's what I would do.
Please help. marriage advice!!!?
(i asked this question earlier so sorry if your reading it for the 2nd time)
How should i deal with the fact that for the last 6 years, i've been in love...but although i am muslim, i'm in love with a girl who is hindu. I know it's forbidden in islam, and her parents would be against this too, but in 2-3 years time, when i get married, how will i marry someone knowing that i don't love them. do you think it can survive. it would be impossible for me to open up to this person, because i'll just feel like a fraud.
Obviously, i'm trying to stay strong and do the right thing by my religion...but even after 6 years, i literally think about this girl first thing in the morning and last thing before i fall asleep (cliche i know but its actually true i'm afraid).
So any advice as to how i have a happy marriage and life...because i don't think i'll ever love anyone as much as the girl i'm in love with.
I know this might sound desperate and pathetic...which it is i suppose, but this is the situation i find myself in. i've tried blocking this person out of my life, and even went a couple of years without speaking to her...but even then, no matter how hard i tried, i couldnt forget.
I especially want to get some advice from my fellow muslims as they'll understand better the position im in and understand the circumstances better.Please help. marriage advice!!!?
I think you first need to tell us if she
is in love with you or not. Your final
decision will depend on that...Please help. marriage advice!!!?
I am sorry. Either you ask her to change her religion or you will have to forget about this girl. also, she cant convert to Islam just for the heck of it. She got to study it, agree with it, and accept it. Because islam is all about intentions. She cant convert with the intention of marrying you.
I know this is hard on you. Very hard i suppose. But the love of Allah should have been far more greater then your love for this girl since the beginning. Hindus are idol worshippers. Do you realize that? Do you realize what their believes are? And do you realize how unhappy Allah would be with these people? How can you destroy your akhirah for dunia? and that too, for some girl? i know its hard. But you got to think wisely. Deal with it
If you open your heart to someone else, the love grows.
I suggest you don't jeopardize yourself with the family being torn apart and all the heartbreak. It's not an easy thing to go through.
Besides, if you love Allah more, you know what to do.
--If it's any consolation to you, a cousin of mine married a Hindu man, and he did not revert to Islam when they got married.
Her family was torn apart, and she went through a lot of pain with her family not being accepting of her.
But, here's the great part..
Alhamdulillah, 6 months ago, he reverted to Islam. They have one child together.
How should i deal with the fact that for the last 6 years, i've been in love...but although i am muslim, i'm in love with a girl who is hindu. I know it's forbidden in islam, and her parents would be against this too, but in 2-3 years time, when i get married, how will i marry someone knowing that i don't love them. do you think it can survive. it would be impossible for me to open up to this person, because i'll just feel like a fraud.
Obviously, i'm trying to stay strong and do the right thing by my religion...but even after 6 years, i literally think about this girl first thing in the morning and last thing before i fall asleep (cliche i know but its actually true i'm afraid).
So any advice as to how i have a happy marriage and life...because i don't think i'll ever love anyone as much as the girl i'm in love with.
I know this might sound desperate and pathetic...which it is i suppose, but this is the situation i find myself in. i've tried blocking this person out of my life, and even went a couple of years without speaking to her...but even then, no matter how hard i tried, i couldnt forget.
I especially want to get some advice from my fellow muslims as they'll understand better the position im in and understand the circumstances better.Please help. marriage advice!!!?
I think you first need to tell us if she
is in love with you or not. Your final
decision will depend on that...Please help. marriage advice!!!?
I am sorry. Either you ask her to change her religion or you will have to forget about this girl. also, she cant convert to Islam just for the heck of it. She got to study it, agree with it, and accept it. Because islam is all about intentions. She cant convert with the intention of marrying you.
I know this is hard on you. Very hard i suppose. But the love of Allah should have been far more greater then your love for this girl since the beginning. Hindus are idol worshippers. Do you realize that? Do you realize what their believes are? And do you realize how unhappy Allah would be with these people? How can you destroy your akhirah for dunia? and that too, for some girl? i know its hard. But you got to think wisely. Deal with it
If you open your heart to someone else, the love grows.
I suggest you don't jeopardize yourself with the family being torn apart and all the heartbreak. It's not an easy thing to go through.
Besides, if you love Allah more, you know what to do.
--If it's any consolation to you, a cousin of mine married a Hindu man, and he did not revert to Islam when they got married.
Her family was torn apart, and she went through a lot of pain with her family not being accepting of her.
But, here's the great part..
Alhamdulillah, 6 months ago, he reverted to Islam. They have one child together.
Marriage advice please?
My husband is going out of state for 1 week to go to family reunion. His parents live in the same town as the meeting, so he will eb staying there. His ex-girlfirend also lives in the same town that the meeting is in, next door to his parents. I cant go, because i have to work and they wont give me the time off.
4 years ago, my husband had an affair on me with his ex-girlfriend, when we lived in that state. He eventually stopped, and we moved out of the state and things are great now! But i am nervous about him going back to that town, because the ex is there. He will be there for 1 week. I have asked him over and over again what will ahppen if he see's her, and he says that he has no feelings for her, and would never hurt me again. But im terified, especailly since i cant be there. What should i do? Should i trust my husbadn? He has been great the last few years, but not in the past.
(Serious answers only please. I will report abuse for inconsiderate or ride answers. Thanks.)Marriage advice please?
It basically comes down to 2 choices:
1. Trust your husband and stop worrying.
2. Continue to worry.
No matter which one you go with, you cannot control what your husband does. You've expressed your concerns to him. There's nothing else you can do to ensure that he will be trustworthy. That's his responsiblity.
I wish I had some better advice, but there's nothing I can say that can erase the past and take away your concerns.Marriage advice please?
I am not doing to tell you to trust your husband because you already know that, but i am going to ask you to ask yourself have you really forgiven him for the past. Please be honest with yourself, because that will let you know just how far you have really come in the relationship. This one is hard. You have to be honest with yourself. can you really trust him?
I would like to help you but i am 9 years old
Wow, that must suck. All you can do is trust him. (Unless you know people who can watch.) Do you trust him? You have had four good years, and you haven't said how long you've been married.
Good luck, honey.
you're gonna have to trust him at some point and what better test. yup, it's scary but 4 yrs ago is a long time and let's hope he's learned his lesson. you can't go along, can't spy on him, can't call him every waking minute of the day, so believe him.
oh, and before he leaves, remind him in the bedroom why he married you so he'll miss you and might even cut his visit short bec he can't wait to get home to you.
I think you should give him your trust. And if you nag or try to set him up by accusing him, knowing human behavior he will act on the impulse ( no matter how slim the chance is) to cheat with the ex. He will figure he has nothing to lose because you don't trust him. Hopefully he has learned his lesson , they can learn from past mistakes. Good luck to you.
I would learn to trust your husband even though it can be difficult for you and hope that he makes the right decision. However, if you are really worried maybe you should hire a private detective to follow him and that way if he does cheat, the private detective can get back in touch with you and you will know. I have been in your shoes before and I understand completely where you are coming from and there is no harm in that at all. Another thing to do is call in sick to work and go with him, tell him you want to go for moral support. Keep in mind if you can't go that he has done this in the past and he may be using this as an excuse to meet up with her again and have another affair behind your back. It happens. Men will tell you anything if they can convince you to believe it. My advice is not to let him play you for a fool this time and to try to think of some way that you can go so you can feel safer.
First off...why aren't you going with him? It's a FAMILY reunion and you are family?
Second, he is going to do what he is going to do. Sorry.
But before he goes, treat him with a nice, romantic dinner and a little loving. Leave notes in his luggage reminding him you love him and trust him. Leave your picture too. That may be the TLC he needs to keep him strong and away from her.
Good luck.
3 choices and not all of them are pretty.
1. Ask him not to go. He's a big boy now and he doesn't have to go. Perhaps he's willing to avoid any appearance of impropriety to prove his allegiance is to you.
2. Trust him. This can't be forced upon you. He's either proven he's trustworthy or he hasn't.
3. Pay to have him tailed (as in private investigator). Serious cash required and rather unhealthy, but maybe it will prove to you if he's true or not.
You have no choice but to trust him. If he is going to cheat, he'll do it regardless of if you trust him or not. If he *wasn't* going to cheat and you either refuse to let him go, or even worse spy on him, that will be a sore spot in your relationship forever. And if you treat him like he's definitely going to cheat by acting like you don't trust him, he'll live up to your expectaions.
I'm sure it is going to be hard to wonder what he is doing while he's gone but you both have to get used to the idea of him being able to go places without you and not cheat. If you treat him like you trust him, hopefully he will not cheat; and if you trust him and he does cheat again, you need to decide if you really want to be married to him any more.
I had a similiar situation to deal with and let me just say once a cheater always a cheater sorry for the bad news but it is the truth. Good luck
If you can't be there you have no other choice but to trust him. Don't keep hounding him about the past, it only makes things worse. If perhaps something was to happen he'll only justify it because of you insecurities. Trust? Yes, trust your husband.
Better yet, give him something to look forward to coming home to after the reunion, I'm sure you'll think of something. HMMMMMMMMM.
trust is what you need and if you cant have it your marriage will never last.
do you have a trustworthy friend in that town that you can call on to keep watch! other people are saying that you just have to trust him, bumkin. he's already cheated so is not to be trusted. are you close to your in-laws? mabye they can ensure that he is not exposed to her in a 1 on 1 situation. keep vigilant for you have cause to and you have everything to lose. if he can pass this test then you might be able to move your relationship to a more trusting place. good luck
Your husband screwed up and becuase of that he killed the trust you had for him. That is not your fault. If you can't go to the reunion, he shouldn't go either. He lost the opportunity to do things like that when he strayed.
I think you have no choice but to trust him unless you're going to insist he stays home since you can't be there. This could be a very healing experience if he is trustworthy now. Good luck. I've been cheated on, and I still have a really bad time trusting. I know it isn't easy.
I have been with my b/f for 6 years and sometimes when he sees his ex wife I can see that he still wants to be with her. Even though he says he won't, doesn't mean he won't. If he loves you and understands your feelings, he won't go. If he has to go; send him with a child if you have one. Really if he goes, you will never know if he has been faithful. But in your heart or mind you will always think that he cheated. I feel bad for you to be in this position. Best of Luck to you!
well you just have to trust him, i mean you have to look at it this way - if he still wanted to be with her, he would not have moved away with you. Even if something like that does happen, he will be back to you in a week, you just have to believe in your husband or what is the point, you know
a cheater is always a cheat
i THINK THAT SOULD GIVE HIM HIM THE OOPURTUNITY TO SHOW YOU THAT YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. 4 YEARS HAS PASSED SINCE THAT INCCIDENT AND YOU SHOULD JUST TRY GIVE HIM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.
AND YES IT IS NORMAIL FOR YOU TO BE TERRIFIED. BEING CHEATED ON IS NOT AN EASY THING. AND EVEN MORE SO WHEN SHE IS GOING TO BE PROBABLY BUMPING INTO HIM WEHTER BY COINCIDENCE OR ON PURPOSE.
CALL YOUR HUSBAND DAILY WHILE HE IS AWAY. ONE TO SHOW HIM THAT YOU LOVE HIM AND TWO SO THAT WAY YOU KEEP TABS ON HIM.
AND LASTLY IF SOMETHING DOES HAPPEN REMEMBER, IF YOU HAVE DONE WITHIN YOUR POWEWR TO MAKE HIM HAPPY THEN IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. AND YOU SHOULD EITHER SEEK MARRIAGE COUNSILING OR MAYBE AN END TO IT.
GOOD LUCK!
Humans are not perfect and because of it we make mistakes. Some learn from them, others choose to continue on messing up. No one knows your husband better then yourself, I read at the end of your explanation for your question that's he's been great. A good quality to me in a woman is to know how to really forgive, forget and move on. Trust is so important between a man and a woman that love each other and are in a serious relationship like the one you're in. Obviously you have confronted him with your fears and he has assured you that the affair he had it's in the past. You know no matter how hard we try to stop others from messing up, hurting us or doing what we want them to do, they'll do whatever feels right for them. Let him go peacefully and reassure him looking right into his eyes of how much you love, trust and care for him and the relationship. What's done it's done and what's said it's said, relax and let things happen. I really hope I brougth some light into this moment of darkness.
I think you need to decide whether you're going to trust him or not.
Either you trust him, and know that if he runs into this woman, he will behave himself, or you don't. If you don't (and it really sounds like you don't) you can acknowledge that there are still unresolved trust issues within your relationship and decide to work on them. If he's willing, couples counseling can help. But you can go see your own counselor no matter what he does, to help you sort out your own complicated feelings about this.
For the short term, you can ask him to make sure he's never alone with this woman. He may be willing to take his mother, or father, or second cousin once removed, with him wherever he has to go, in case he runs into her. If he sees her in the yard or driveway, he can call his dad (or someone) out to join them. He's certainly not going to cheat on you in the front yard with his parents watching.
Has he made it clear to this woman that he is no longer interested in her, and that he values his marriage and you too much to ever risk it again? You could help him prepare a ';statement'; to give her is she brings up the affair.
You could also ask him to consider cutting the trip a bit short--is the reunion really all week? Maybe a four day trip would help you feel more at ease.
I wish you the best of luck. I hope that you are able to resolve this soon, for your own peace of mind.
it sounds like your husband has done a lot of growing up over the last few years, although you cant be faulted for being nervous about him being around this woman without you for a week, if you can't trust him to go, maybe you should think about calling it quits.
Trust is essential in a marriage, having you hound him and treat him with distrust he will feel like he has nothing to lose, as you already don't trust him.
I suggest that if you have forgiven him for his past mistake, you are best served by showing that you have trust in him. Tell him you believe he feels sorry for his past mistake and that you know he won't hurt you again.
Tell him to have a great time, that you are sorry you can't go, but you will be happy to hear from him each day until he gets back.
I would hide cute little notes in his luggage and such that remind him that you love him, miss him and are looking forward to having him back home soon.
If possible, go with him for the weekend before you have to go to work.
what will u have w/out trust?? i no it is hard 2 do this, but it is the only thing u can do(unless u take it in2 serious matters nd get a private detective...)
4 years ago, my husband had an affair on me with his ex-girlfriend, when we lived in that state. He eventually stopped, and we moved out of the state and things are great now! But i am nervous about him going back to that town, because the ex is there. He will be there for 1 week. I have asked him over and over again what will ahppen if he see's her, and he says that he has no feelings for her, and would never hurt me again. But im terified, especailly since i cant be there. What should i do? Should i trust my husbadn? He has been great the last few years, but not in the past.
(Serious answers only please. I will report abuse for inconsiderate or ride answers. Thanks.)Marriage advice please?
It basically comes down to 2 choices:
1. Trust your husband and stop worrying.
2. Continue to worry.
No matter which one you go with, you cannot control what your husband does. You've expressed your concerns to him. There's nothing else you can do to ensure that he will be trustworthy. That's his responsiblity.
I wish I had some better advice, but there's nothing I can say that can erase the past and take away your concerns.Marriage advice please?
I am not doing to tell you to trust your husband because you already know that, but i am going to ask you to ask yourself have you really forgiven him for the past. Please be honest with yourself, because that will let you know just how far you have really come in the relationship. This one is hard. You have to be honest with yourself. can you really trust him?
I would like to help you but i am 9 years old
Wow, that must suck. All you can do is trust him. (Unless you know people who can watch.) Do you trust him? You have had four good years, and you haven't said how long you've been married.
Good luck, honey.
you're gonna have to trust him at some point and what better test. yup, it's scary but 4 yrs ago is a long time and let's hope he's learned his lesson. you can't go along, can't spy on him, can't call him every waking minute of the day, so believe him.
oh, and before he leaves, remind him in the bedroom why he married you so he'll miss you and might even cut his visit short bec he can't wait to get home to you.
I think you should give him your trust. And if you nag or try to set him up by accusing him, knowing human behavior he will act on the impulse ( no matter how slim the chance is) to cheat with the ex. He will figure he has nothing to lose because you don't trust him. Hopefully he has learned his lesson , they can learn from past mistakes. Good luck to you.
I would learn to trust your husband even though it can be difficult for you and hope that he makes the right decision. However, if you are really worried maybe you should hire a private detective to follow him and that way if he does cheat, the private detective can get back in touch with you and you will know. I have been in your shoes before and I understand completely where you are coming from and there is no harm in that at all. Another thing to do is call in sick to work and go with him, tell him you want to go for moral support. Keep in mind if you can't go that he has done this in the past and he may be using this as an excuse to meet up with her again and have another affair behind your back. It happens. Men will tell you anything if they can convince you to believe it. My advice is not to let him play you for a fool this time and to try to think of some way that you can go so you can feel safer.
First off...why aren't you going with him? It's a FAMILY reunion and you are family?
Second, he is going to do what he is going to do. Sorry.
But before he goes, treat him with a nice, romantic dinner and a little loving. Leave notes in his luggage reminding him you love him and trust him. Leave your picture too. That may be the TLC he needs to keep him strong and away from her.
Good luck.
3 choices and not all of them are pretty.
1. Ask him not to go. He's a big boy now and he doesn't have to go. Perhaps he's willing to avoid any appearance of impropriety to prove his allegiance is to you.
2. Trust him. This can't be forced upon you. He's either proven he's trustworthy or he hasn't.
3. Pay to have him tailed (as in private investigator). Serious cash required and rather unhealthy, but maybe it will prove to you if he's true or not.
You have no choice but to trust him. If he is going to cheat, he'll do it regardless of if you trust him or not. If he *wasn't* going to cheat and you either refuse to let him go, or even worse spy on him, that will be a sore spot in your relationship forever. And if you treat him like he's definitely going to cheat by acting like you don't trust him, he'll live up to your expectaions.
I'm sure it is going to be hard to wonder what he is doing while he's gone but you both have to get used to the idea of him being able to go places without you and not cheat. If you treat him like you trust him, hopefully he will not cheat; and if you trust him and he does cheat again, you need to decide if you really want to be married to him any more.
I had a similiar situation to deal with and let me just say once a cheater always a cheater sorry for the bad news but it is the truth. Good luck
If you can't be there you have no other choice but to trust him. Don't keep hounding him about the past, it only makes things worse. If perhaps something was to happen he'll only justify it because of you insecurities. Trust? Yes, trust your husband.
Better yet, give him something to look forward to coming home to after the reunion, I'm sure you'll think of something. HMMMMMMMMM.
trust is what you need and if you cant have it your marriage will never last.
do you have a trustworthy friend in that town that you can call on to keep watch! other people are saying that you just have to trust him, bumkin. he's already cheated so is not to be trusted. are you close to your in-laws? mabye they can ensure that he is not exposed to her in a 1 on 1 situation. keep vigilant for you have cause to and you have everything to lose. if he can pass this test then you might be able to move your relationship to a more trusting place. good luck
Your husband screwed up and becuase of that he killed the trust you had for him. That is not your fault. If you can't go to the reunion, he shouldn't go either. He lost the opportunity to do things like that when he strayed.
I think you have no choice but to trust him unless you're going to insist he stays home since you can't be there. This could be a very healing experience if he is trustworthy now. Good luck. I've been cheated on, and I still have a really bad time trusting. I know it isn't easy.
I have been with my b/f for 6 years and sometimes when he sees his ex wife I can see that he still wants to be with her. Even though he says he won't, doesn't mean he won't. If he loves you and understands your feelings, he won't go. If he has to go; send him with a child if you have one. Really if he goes, you will never know if he has been faithful. But in your heart or mind you will always think that he cheated. I feel bad for you to be in this position. Best of Luck to you!
well you just have to trust him, i mean you have to look at it this way - if he still wanted to be with her, he would not have moved away with you. Even if something like that does happen, he will be back to you in a week, you just have to believe in your husband or what is the point, you know
a cheater is always a cheat
i THINK THAT SOULD GIVE HIM HIM THE OOPURTUNITY TO SHOW YOU THAT YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. 4 YEARS HAS PASSED SINCE THAT INCCIDENT AND YOU SHOULD JUST TRY GIVE HIM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.
AND YES IT IS NORMAIL FOR YOU TO BE TERRIFIED. BEING CHEATED ON IS NOT AN EASY THING. AND EVEN MORE SO WHEN SHE IS GOING TO BE PROBABLY BUMPING INTO HIM WEHTER BY COINCIDENCE OR ON PURPOSE.
CALL YOUR HUSBAND DAILY WHILE HE IS AWAY. ONE TO SHOW HIM THAT YOU LOVE HIM AND TWO SO THAT WAY YOU KEEP TABS ON HIM.
AND LASTLY IF SOMETHING DOES HAPPEN REMEMBER, IF YOU HAVE DONE WITHIN YOUR POWEWR TO MAKE HIM HAPPY THEN IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. AND YOU SHOULD EITHER SEEK MARRIAGE COUNSILING OR MAYBE AN END TO IT.
GOOD LUCK!
Humans are not perfect and because of it we make mistakes. Some learn from them, others choose to continue on messing up. No one knows your husband better then yourself, I read at the end of your explanation for your question that's he's been great. A good quality to me in a woman is to know how to really forgive, forget and move on. Trust is so important between a man and a woman that love each other and are in a serious relationship like the one you're in. Obviously you have confronted him with your fears and he has assured you that the affair he had it's in the past. You know no matter how hard we try to stop others from messing up, hurting us or doing what we want them to do, they'll do whatever feels right for them. Let him go peacefully and reassure him looking right into his eyes of how much you love, trust and care for him and the relationship. What's done it's done and what's said it's said, relax and let things happen. I really hope I brougth some light into this moment of darkness.
I think you need to decide whether you're going to trust him or not.
Either you trust him, and know that if he runs into this woman, he will behave himself, or you don't. If you don't (and it really sounds like you don't) you can acknowledge that there are still unresolved trust issues within your relationship and decide to work on them. If he's willing, couples counseling can help. But you can go see your own counselor no matter what he does, to help you sort out your own complicated feelings about this.
For the short term, you can ask him to make sure he's never alone with this woman. He may be willing to take his mother, or father, or second cousin once removed, with him wherever he has to go, in case he runs into her. If he sees her in the yard or driveway, he can call his dad (or someone) out to join them. He's certainly not going to cheat on you in the front yard with his parents watching.
Has he made it clear to this woman that he is no longer interested in her, and that he values his marriage and you too much to ever risk it again? You could help him prepare a ';statement'; to give her is she brings up the affair.
You could also ask him to consider cutting the trip a bit short--is the reunion really all week? Maybe a four day trip would help you feel more at ease.
I wish you the best of luck. I hope that you are able to resolve this soon, for your own peace of mind.
it sounds like your husband has done a lot of growing up over the last few years, although you cant be faulted for being nervous about him being around this woman without you for a week, if you can't trust him to go, maybe you should think about calling it quits.
Trust is essential in a marriage, having you hound him and treat him with distrust he will feel like he has nothing to lose, as you already don't trust him.
I suggest that if you have forgiven him for his past mistake, you are best served by showing that you have trust in him. Tell him you believe he feels sorry for his past mistake and that you know he won't hurt you again.
Tell him to have a great time, that you are sorry you can't go, but you will be happy to hear from him each day until he gets back.
I would hide cute little notes in his luggage and such that remind him that you love him, miss him and are looking forward to having him back home soon.
If possible, go with him for the weekend before you have to go to work.
what will u have w/out trust?? i no it is hard 2 do this, but it is the only thing u can do(unless u take it in2 serious matters nd get a private detective...)
I need advice. My b/f and I have children from prior marriages. I have dinner with his child but he doesn't ?
come over to have dinner with my children. There is always an excuse. I also invited my best friend to dinner tonight. Now my children are older between 16 and 23 so they aren't tiny kids running around misbehaving. What should I do about these two and their excuses not to join us at my home for a nice dinner. I am a wonderful cook so my cooking is not the problem.I need advice. My b/f and I have children from prior marriages. I have dinner with his child but he doesn't ?
Next time he invites you over for dinner, just bring your kids along or have him schedule the next dinner and let him know your taking your kids with you. If you've been together 2 years then what's the hold up? If he has an excuse each time you have dinner plans with your children then somethings up. Is your bf young? Perhaps he feels intimidated by your kids since your eldest is 23. I need advice. My b/f and I have children from prior marriages. I have dinner with his child but he doesn't ?
maybe next time he is all gung ho for you to spend time with HIS kids you can be busy etc, sounds like dad is not quite as eager to play happy families on your side of things.......
I'm sorry, but find another boyfriend. If this is not working now, think of who you are going to have to choose after the marriage. Choosing between children and the man is going to do nothing but give you sorrow.
sounds like he wants to have control of the relationship and he feels it will be lost by coming and meeting your kids. Also maybe he isn't sure how serious the relationship will be so he doesn't want to get to know your kids until he is sure it is going to last. Finally maybe you think you are a good cook but you really are terrible.
If he loves you, he needs to learn to love your kids. If he can't bring himself to spend time with them now, while you're dating and he's presumably on his best behavior, that's not going to change if the relationship progresses further.
You need to tell him that his reluctance to spend time with your children and accept them into his life is a serious concern for you. If he has some problem with your kids that he hasn't told you about, he needs to get that off his chest so it can be addressed. You also need to make it absolutely clear to him that his habit of continually putting distance between himself and your kids is a deal-breaker as far as your relationship with him is concerned. Otherwise he's going to think what he's doing is OK, and will be blindsided when you break it off.
wow its hard for a relationship to run smooth when there are kids on both sides still at home, just sit every one down and have a long talk
maybe its just taking him a little bit longer to adjust to the situation than it takes you. give him some time, if he continues this behavior then it is probably a problem for him.
That is really strange. Ask them straight up. That's what I would do.
that is tough I wouldn't push it, just hope that one day it will get better
probably scared........he is probably not ready :) that's what i'd think
Of course your cooking is not a problem. There is something more than his excuses, dear. He is not yet ready to meet with your kids because they are already at the age wherein they could very well manage to assess your situation with him in all aspects. Kids are more sensitive than their parents when it comes to family issues. They would not miss one detail.
I do not like to sound negative but I could sense fear in your bf. I could sense that he is not yet ready to bond with your kids for reasons that only him knows. You and I do not know what he thinks. Have you assessed his commitment to you? Men who are willing to commit will do all means to connect and meet with all the family members of his beloved.
I suggest that you schedule a dinner date with him in private. Not inside your house but outside where he could talk freely and not hide how he feels. Open up and listen to his side. You will be the only one who could say if he is sincere in his explanation or not.
I hope it works. Everything can be arranged through polite and balanced communication. Good luck. :)
Next time he invites you over for dinner, just bring your kids along or have him schedule the next dinner and let him know your taking your kids with you. If you've been together 2 years then what's the hold up? If he has an excuse each time you have dinner plans with your children then somethings up. Is your bf young? Perhaps he feels intimidated by your kids since your eldest is 23. I need advice. My b/f and I have children from prior marriages. I have dinner with his child but he doesn't ?
maybe next time he is all gung ho for you to spend time with HIS kids you can be busy etc, sounds like dad is not quite as eager to play happy families on your side of things.......
I'm sorry, but find another boyfriend. If this is not working now, think of who you are going to have to choose after the marriage. Choosing between children and the man is going to do nothing but give you sorrow.
sounds like he wants to have control of the relationship and he feels it will be lost by coming and meeting your kids. Also maybe he isn't sure how serious the relationship will be so he doesn't want to get to know your kids until he is sure it is going to last. Finally maybe you think you are a good cook but you really are terrible.
If he loves you, he needs to learn to love your kids. If he can't bring himself to spend time with them now, while you're dating and he's presumably on his best behavior, that's not going to change if the relationship progresses further.
You need to tell him that his reluctance to spend time with your children and accept them into his life is a serious concern for you. If he has some problem with your kids that he hasn't told you about, he needs to get that off his chest so it can be addressed. You also need to make it absolutely clear to him that his habit of continually putting distance between himself and your kids is a deal-breaker as far as your relationship with him is concerned. Otherwise he's going to think what he's doing is OK, and will be blindsided when you break it off.
wow its hard for a relationship to run smooth when there are kids on both sides still at home, just sit every one down and have a long talk
maybe its just taking him a little bit longer to adjust to the situation than it takes you. give him some time, if he continues this behavior then it is probably a problem for him.
That is really strange. Ask them straight up. That's what I would do.
that is tough I wouldn't push it, just hope that one day it will get better
probably scared........he is probably not ready :) that's what i'd think
Of course your cooking is not a problem. There is something more than his excuses, dear. He is not yet ready to meet with your kids because they are already at the age wherein they could very well manage to assess your situation with him in all aspects. Kids are more sensitive than their parents when it comes to family issues. They would not miss one detail.
I do not like to sound negative but I could sense fear in your bf. I could sense that he is not yet ready to bond with your kids for reasons that only him knows. You and I do not know what he thinks. Have you assessed his commitment to you? Men who are willing to commit will do all means to connect and meet with all the family members of his beloved.
I suggest that you schedule a dinner date with him in private. Not inside your house but outside where he could talk freely and not hide how he feels. Open up and listen to his side. You will be the only one who could say if he is sincere in his explanation or not.
I hope it works. Everything can be arranged through polite and balanced communication. Good luck. :)
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