Marriage advice please?

My husband is going out of state for 1 week to go to family reunion. His parents live in the same town as the meeting, so he will eb staying there. His ex-girlfirend also lives in the same town that the meeting is in, next door to his parents. I cant go, because i have to work and they wont give me the time off.





4 years ago, my husband had an affair on me with his ex-girlfriend, when we lived in that state. He eventually stopped, and we moved out of the state and things are great now! But i am nervous about him going back to that town, because the ex is there. He will be there for 1 week. I have asked him over and over again what will ahppen if he see's her, and he says that he has no feelings for her, and would never hurt me again. But im terified, especailly since i cant be there. What should i do? Should i trust my husbadn? He has been great the last few years, but not in the past.





(Serious answers only please. I will report abuse for inconsiderate or ride answers. Thanks.)Marriage advice please?
It basically comes down to 2 choices:





1. Trust your husband and stop worrying.





2. Continue to worry.





No matter which one you go with, you cannot control what your husband does. You've expressed your concerns to him. There's nothing else you can do to ensure that he will be trustworthy. That's his responsiblity.





I wish I had some better advice, but there's nothing I can say that can erase the past and take away your concerns.Marriage advice please?
I am not doing to tell you to trust your husband because you already know that, but i am going to ask you to ask yourself have you really forgiven him for the past. Please be honest with yourself, because that will let you know just how far you have really come in the relationship. This one is hard. You have to be honest with yourself. can you really trust him?
I would like to help you but i am 9 years old
Wow, that must suck. All you can do is trust him. (Unless you know people who can watch.) Do you trust him? You have had four good years, and you haven't said how long you've been married.





Good luck, honey.
you're gonna have to trust him at some point and what better test. yup, it's scary but 4 yrs ago is a long time and let's hope he's learned his lesson. you can't go along, can't spy on him, can't call him every waking minute of the day, so believe him.





oh, and before he leaves, remind him in the bedroom why he married you so he'll miss you and might even cut his visit short bec he can't wait to get home to you.
I think you should give him your trust. And if you nag or try to set him up by accusing him, knowing human behavior he will act on the impulse ( no matter how slim the chance is) to cheat with the ex. He will figure he has nothing to lose because you don't trust him. Hopefully he has learned his lesson , they can learn from past mistakes. Good luck to you.
I would learn to trust your husband even though it can be difficult for you and hope that he makes the right decision. However, if you are really worried maybe you should hire a private detective to follow him and that way if he does cheat, the private detective can get back in touch with you and you will know. I have been in your shoes before and I understand completely where you are coming from and there is no harm in that at all. Another thing to do is call in sick to work and go with him, tell him you want to go for moral support. Keep in mind if you can't go that he has done this in the past and he may be using this as an excuse to meet up with her again and have another affair behind your back. It happens. Men will tell you anything if they can convince you to believe it. My advice is not to let him play you for a fool this time and to try to think of some way that you can go so you can feel safer.
First off...why aren't you going with him? It's a FAMILY reunion and you are family?





Second, he is going to do what he is going to do. Sorry.





But before he goes, treat him with a nice, romantic dinner and a little loving. Leave notes in his luggage reminding him you love him and trust him. Leave your picture too. That may be the TLC he needs to keep him strong and away from her.





Good luck.
3 choices and not all of them are pretty.





1. Ask him not to go. He's a big boy now and he doesn't have to go. Perhaps he's willing to avoid any appearance of impropriety to prove his allegiance is to you.





2. Trust him. This can't be forced upon you. He's either proven he's trustworthy or he hasn't.





3. Pay to have him tailed (as in private investigator). Serious cash required and rather unhealthy, but maybe it will prove to you if he's true or not.
You have no choice but to trust him. If he is going to cheat, he'll do it regardless of if you trust him or not. If he *wasn't* going to cheat and you either refuse to let him go, or even worse spy on him, that will be a sore spot in your relationship forever. And if you treat him like he's definitely going to cheat by acting like you don't trust him, he'll live up to your expectaions.





I'm sure it is going to be hard to wonder what he is doing while he's gone but you both have to get used to the idea of him being able to go places without you and not cheat. If you treat him like you trust him, hopefully he will not cheat; and if you trust him and he does cheat again, you need to decide if you really want to be married to him any more.
I had a similiar situation to deal with and let me just say once a cheater always a cheater sorry for the bad news but it is the truth. Good luck
If you can't be there you have no other choice but to trust him. Don't keep hounding him about the past, it only makes things worse. If perhaps something was to happen he'll only justify it because of you insecurities. Trust? Yes, trust your husband.





Better yet, give him something to look forward to coming home to after the reunion, I'm sure you'll think of something. HMMMMMMMMM.
trust is what you need and if you cant have it your marriage will never last.
do you have a trustworthy friend in that town that you can call on to keep watch! other people are saying that you just have to trust him, bumkin. he's already cheated so is not to be trusted. are you close to your in-laws? mabye they can ensure that he is not exposed to her in a 1 on 1 situation. keep vigilant for you have cause to and you have everything to lose. if he can pass this test then you might be able to move your relationship to a more trusting place. good luck
Your husband screwed up and becuase of that he killed the trust you had for him. That is not your fault. If you can't go to the reunion, he shouldn't go either. He lost the opportunity to do things like that when he strayed.
I think you have no choice but to trust him unless you're going to insist he stays home since you can't be there. This could be a very healing experience if he is trustworthy now. Good luck. I've been cheated on, and I still have a really bad time trusting. I know it isn't easy.
I have been with my b/f for 6 years and sometimes when he sees his ex wife I can see that he still wants to be with her. Even though he says he won't, doesn't mean he won't. If he loves you and understands your feelings, he won't go. If he has to go; send him with a child if you have one. Really if he goes, you will never know if he has been faithful. But in your heart or mind you will always think that he cheated. I feel bad for you to be in this position. Best of Luck to you!
well you just have to trust him, i mean you have to look at it this way - if he still wanted to be with her, he would not have moved away with you. Even if something like that does happen, he will be back to you in a week, you just have to believe in your husband or what is the point, you know
a cheater is always a cheat
i THINK THAT SOULD GIVE HIM HIM THE OOPURTUNITY TO SHOW YOU THAT YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. 4 YEARS HAS PASSED SINCE THAT INCCIDENT AND YOU SHOULD JUST TRY GIVE HIM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.





AND YES IT IS NORMAIL FOR YOU TO BE TERRIFIED. BEING CHEATED ON IS NOT AN EASY THING. AND EVEN MORE SO WHEN SHE IS GOING TO BE PROBABLY BUMPING INTO HIM WEHTER BY COINCIDENCE OR ON PURPOSE.





CALL YOUR HUSBAND DAILY WHILE HE IS AWAY. ONE TO SHOW HIM THAT YOU LOVE HIM AND TWO SO THAT WAY YOU KEEP TABS ON HIM.





AND LASTLY IF SOMETHING DOES HAPPEN REMEMBER, IF YOU HAVE DONE WITHIN YOUR POWEWR TO MAKE HIM HAPPY THEN IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. AND YOU SHOULD EITHER SEEK MARRIAGE COUNSILING OR MAYBE AN END TO IT.





GOOD LUCK!
Humans are not perfect and because of it we make mistakes. Some learn from them, others choose to continue on messing up. No one knows your husband better then yourself, I read at the end of your explanation for your question that's he's been great. A good quality to me in a woman is to know how to really forgive, forget and move on. Trust is so important between a man and a woman that love each other and are in a serious relationship like the one you're in. Obviously you have confronted him with your fears and he has assured you that the affair he had it's in the past. You know no matter how hard we try to stop others from messing up, hurting us or doing what we want them to do, they'll do whatever feels right for them. Let him go peacefully and reassure him looking right into his eyes of how much you love, trust and care for him and the relationship. What's done it's done and what's said it's said, relax and let things happen. I really hope I brougth some light into this moment of darkness.
I think you need to decide whether you're going to trust him or not.


Either you trust him, and know that if he runs into this woman, he will behave himself, or you don't. If you don't (and it really sounds like you don't) you can acknowledge that there are still unresolved trust issues within your relationship and decide to work on them. If he's willing, couples counseling can help. But you can go see your own counselor no matter what he does, to help you sort out your own complicated feelings about this.


For the short term, you can ask him to make sure he's never alone with this woman. He may be willing to take his mother, or father, or second cousin once removed, with him wherever he has to go, in case he runs into her. If he sees her in the yard or driveway, he can call his dad (or someone) out to join them. He's certainly not going to cheat on you in the front yard with his parents watching.


Has he made it clear to this woman that he is no longer interested in her, and that he values his marriage and you too much to ever risk it again? You could help him prepare a ';statement'; to give her is she brings up the affair.


You could also ask him to consider cutting the trip a bit short--is the reunion really all week? Maybe a four day trip would help you feel more at ease.


I wish you the best of luck. I hope that you are able to resolve this soon, for your own peace of mind.
it sounds like your husband has done a lot of growing up over the last few years, although you cant be faulted for being nervous about him being around this woman without you for a week, if you can't trust him to go, maybe you should think about calling it quits.
Trust is essential in a marriage, having you hound him and treat him with distrust he will feel like he has nothing to lose, as you already don't trust him.





I suggest that if you have forgiven him for his past mistake, you are best served by showing that you have trust in him. Tell him you believe he feels sorry for his past mistake and that you know he won't hurt you again.





Tell him to have a great time, that you are sorry you can't go, but you will be happy to hear from him each day until he gets back.





I would hide cute little notes in his luggage and such that remind him that you love him, miss him and are looking forward to having him back home soon.





If possible, go with him for the weekend before you have to go to work.
what will u have w/out trust?? i no it is hard 2 do this, but it is the only thing u can do(unless u take it in2 serious matters nd get a private detective...)