Need some advice here...currently separated, but working on our marriage in separate households...?

I'ts been a month of separation. My husband of 10yrs is really REALLY trying to make our marriage work. But in 10yrs, was the worst husband you could ever imagine...NEVER helped clean, cook, help with kids, faithful. Just a momma's boy and walked all over me. Now he is keeping the kids, cooks dinner, calls me and tells me his every move. AFFECTIONATE. I mean really trying. He told me today that he created our monster of a marriage, and he knows what he needs to do fix it. Should I believe him, or is he just pulling my leg to keep me from going to the friend of the court? How do I know if he is for real or just playing a game b/c he knows I love him?Need some advice here...currently separated, but working on our marriage in separate households...?
Losing his family and you leaving makes some people re-evaluate things and you are seeing the results. Sounds like this is the case. It's really up to you if you want to give him a second chance in life. And how do you know if he's faking it? You don't. No one really fakes the hurt of losing a spouse and doing everything they can to get them back.





The ultimate decision is yours. Just recognize that he's trying...trying real hard to set things right. Don't hate him for that.Need some advice here...currently separated, but working on our marriage in separate households...?
Give the separation more time. Try to meet him halfway though. Since you have children and you love him it's worth it to try to reconcile. Getting back together too soon would be a mistake.


Stay strong.


It's great that he is trying to change, but it takes two people to make a relationship. Try to figure out the mistakes you have made also and work on them.


Good luck!
I would have to say you are better off learning sooner than later. conserve the money it cost for two households and travel, you should both be in the same house with the children. I am sure he sees now what he almost lost and the only way to prove that is to put it into action, make it clear this does not mean he wins, but the test gets harder and the same results are at stake. Good Luck to you both.
If he is serious about your marriage, he will go to weekly marriage counseling sessions with you.





You both need it. Your marriage hasn't worked for 10 years. You need to find a counselor who can give you new skills and new ways of negotiating life with one another.
Its like the old saying goes. You never know how good you had it until its gone. Maybe he has realized it and really wants you back. Have you ever made a mistake? Did you think you deserved a second chance? I say give it a shot, it sounds like he really is sorry for the way it was before.
You don't know he is 'for real' or 'playing a game' until you test him. . . . . You know his best.





Could be either. . . . . . . and remember, creatures always return to habits.
Right now he misses you but let him miss you more. He needs to know that you are serious. But I would suggest counseling, believe me it works if you two are serious about WORKING to make your marriage work.
that's a set up. you mean we can do it apart but not together. how can you be ok with going from the wife to the girlfriend. becuase that's what you are now. get ya mind right.
I guess the big question would be...do you still love him. My ex promised me the moon if I would not move out. I never got the moon and it was the same old stuff 2 weeks later.
omg this is me years and all and im scared but im trying just being extremely careful and watchful and i'm not getting my hopes up either good luck
Sometimes it takes drastic measures (such as a break-up) for someone to see what they had and didn't respect. He really may be trying to change to save his marriage. I think one month is not long enough to know that for sure. Give it more time, and I think his true reasons will reveal themselves for the good or for the bad.
As you say, one month doesn't change the past. Still at least he appears to be making an effort. Some times a person has to literally be knocked over the head to realize they need to change and that what they have done in the past is wrong. My advice is to go slow and make sure the changes last and that other changes that you would need made to make this marriage work are also occurring. Then slowly give him another chance but make it clear what needs to continue. And be sure to let him know when he slips up without being mean about it and see how it goes. It would be silly to throw away 10 years if it can be fixed. Some times we have to at least give a person a chance to change.
Interesting that you have not seen your part of the destruction of the marriage. It was that you let him walk all over you. You need to be more direct with him and what you need. You may be a ';giver'; personality. Look in to it.





Also, it is interesting that he thinks he can fix everything. That's simply not the case.





You have to find your part in it, too. Please read: ';Boundaries in Marriage'; by Townsend and Cloud. Or, even start with ';Boundaries, when to say yes, how to say no, take control of your life'; by the same authors.





You will need to take more of an initiative than YA. Take care, best to you both.
Well you loving him or even he loving you does NOT fix a marriage! Dr. Phil says future behavior is gauged by past behavior and unfortunately those 10 years of lousy behavior are not typically something that will suddenly change! He has shown you who HE IS. just because he says he wants to change and be different that does not guarantee anything. If he doesn't want to lose you and the family he might say ANYTHING to get you back - only to end up exactly where you were before.





Don't be QUICK to accept this from him. TRUE colors always show up with time and patience and HE needs to prove himself over a period of time and hopefully with counseling too for himself and the two of you. If you allow him to maneuver himself right back in the door - YOU are just asking for trouble. YOU deserve better, you need more, you should be happy and helped and have a loyal, trustworthy, kind, considerate, giving spouse - that is NOT asking too much. It's easy to be nice to get your way. anyone can put on a nice face and act a certain way for a short time - the truth will be told in his consistent, continued, honest, slow steps towards more positive behavior %26amp; actions with professional help.





Don't believe what he says - BELIEVE what you see as you slowly, patiently and over a period of time SEE actual, genuine, real change for the better. DON'T be in any hurry to get back together here..... make him show you and prove to you that is matters enough to him to also wait and be patient and truly change because he knows he has problems and he recognizes his errors and the issues of your marriage.... make him see, face and talk about the reality of it all! Step back and slow down.... time will tell.
I love your question! I think this is the best medicine for your marriage. He now is doing things with the kids and doing the domestic work around his new place I think you should believe him when he says he wants the marriage to work . everyday that goes by he is appreciating you more and more, and loving you more and more. I think he's starting to realize what he had and what he didn't do around the house to help you, sometimes you have to us tough love to get someone to listen to you, and to appreciate you . Keep up the good work and he will be home soon . I call this the hard knocks of school.