ive been thinking of leaving my wife lately. there a bunch of reasons. she has gotten to be very religous, ( thats really not the problem). and i feel that she is tring to control what i do and watch. she gets pissed if i watch ghost hunters. she says its straight from hell. i cant go out anywhere not even with my brothers or she is going to have a problem with it. although she just talked to her best friend and they want to have a girls night out. me idont have a problem with them going out im not with her to control her. but if i cant go why should she? also im not sexualy satisfied by far. 1 year i kept trak of how many times we hade sex and oral sex. with out her knowing bcuz she was saying i was crazy. last year we had sex 26 times and a BJ twice in the whole year. and the bj where 2 min long each. i do have a family i dont want to leave but im not happy. so should i stay becuz of the kids. and live unhappy she dosnt work has a new car and i still cant pleaze her please helpPlease help marriage advice?
Leaving your wife, which will cause you to lose a lot of people that you love, is not the answer. You will not be any happier if you have to see your kids on the weekends or only get to pick them up from school on Wednesdays. I know marriage can be tough, especially if your sexual drive is not being fulfilled. And I know that not sharing the same interests as your wife can be challenging. However, you are the man, it is your job to lead her.
If she is not responsive to sex, maybe it's that she is no longer turned on, women need to be excited, they need to feel like you are still chasing after them. Chances are if you aren't satisfied sexually, neither is she.
Secondly, as the leader of your marriage, you are in charge of loving your wife, no matter what she now believes. You are supposed to give all you have, that means you need to try to understand her beliefs and be tolerant of them, or even show an interest in them. I know my words aren't easy, but there is nothing harder than for a child to have to grow up in a split home.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Marriage Advice?
My husband is a really great guy. He is sucessful and sweet - and he has a lot of people that really care about him. We just moved back to our hometown after living away for over 5 years. Now, things are really strange. We went from being together for dinner every afternoon (and I really looked forward to spending the evenings with him) to him being gone drinking with his brother/buddies all the time. He usually gets home around midnight, but I am fast asleep by then (I work really early hours). I am sad and worried about this because I really like spending time with my husband and the evenings are all we have. When I try to talk to him about it, he just gets defensive and ends up leaving anyway - but in a mad rage. He says I am overreacting and he just likes to not sit at home when he has nothing to do the next day.
*Oh yea, and a little note - my husband is 25 and his brother (and the kids he is going out with) are all underage - like 19-20. What should I do?Marriage Advice?
Time for hubby to grow up.... seems to me he wants his ';single'; life back even though he is married. Time to sit him down and talk seriously...if he keeps getting mad and defensive, then I would think he has something to hide... Perhaps it's time for you to accompany him on his ';drinking nights';... if he adamantly Say's NO to that... then something is definitely up.Marriage Advice?
Talk to him about it more. Communication is important and I know that you have tried to talk to him but if he really cares about how you feel and loves you than he will compromise.
why dont you suggest going out with your husband and his friends that way you can still feel like an important part of his life. He may be bored of just staying at home. Or you could take him out somewhere fun. If this does not work the n you will need to sit down with your husband and talk seriously as there may be a more deeply rooted issue.
Have you tried making it special, so that he will want to stay at home.
join them... maybe your husband felt that he had missed all the 'fun', hence he is catching up... he is still young and to be so popular, it is inevitable that he will socialise alot..
so, you can try to join them a couple of times every now and then... in a way, at least you know what they are doing, in another way, you are with him..
though you have to work in early hours, you can join them during the eve of your off days... so that the next day, which is not a working day, you can sleep in..natural instinct
*Oh yea, and a little note - my husband is 25 and his brother (and the kids he is going out with) are all underage - like 19-20. What should I do?Marriage Advice?
Time for hubby to grow up.... seems to me he wants his ';single'; life back even though he is married. Time to sit him down and talk seriously...if he keeps getting mad and defensive, then I would think he has something to hide... Perhaps it's time for you to accompany him on his ';drinking nights';... if he adamantly Say's NO to that... then something is definitely up.Marriage Advice?
Talk to him about it more. Communication is important and I know that you have tried to talk to him but if he really cares about how you feel and loves you than he will compromise.
why dont you suggest going out with your husband and his friends that way you can still feel like an important part of his life. He may be bored of just staying at home. Or you could take him out somewhere fun. If this does not work the n you will need to sit down with your husband and talk seriously as there may be a more deeply rooted issue.
Have you tried making it special, so that he will want to stay at home.
join them... maybe your husband felt that he had missed all the 'fun', hence he is catching up... he is still young and to be so popular, it is inevitable that he will socialise alot..
so, you can try to join them a couple of times every now and then... in a way, at least you know what they are doing, in another way, you are with him..
though you have to work in early hours, you can join them during the eve of your off days... so that the next day, which is not a working day, you can sleep in..
Any advices?I have to make a difficult decision.I am married,have a child (from the1st marriage),but my ?
daughter grew up with my husband,so he is like a father to her.The problem is my husband has a psychological sickness which drives us both(me and my daughter) crazy. He is also a VERY stingy person.Sex life is zero.I thought it麓s time for me to go to psycho-hospital,I was at the end of my emotional and physical limits.Then I met him.This man was so different,he was from another world.The problem is that he is married.It麓s not that I took him away from his wife.Before he had another relationship,but that woman was at the end not the one he was looking for.To make the long story short.I feel sorry about my husband,I am afraid if I leave him his health condition will get even worse,though he has his difficult character ,I think he loves my daughter ,because he helps a lot in her studying,they communicate really good.It麓s just when he has his bad mood ,then we are under the psycho-pressure.Another problem is that the man I have met is still officially married and i am afraid he won麓t love my daughter and she will be unhappy.I am afraid to make a mistake,but I also want to be happy as woman and as a mother.Hopefully my chaotic letter has explained my situation.Please only serious answers.Thank you.Any advices?I have to make a difficult decision.I am married,have a child (from the1st marriage),but my ?
Try to fix your marriage first , what are the reasons that sex life is zero ? maybe he needs medical help . Moving from one husband to another should be done for very good reasons and after losing all the hopes for fixing the marriage . If you feel you'll fall in sin because you don't have sex with him and there is no cure for his case then you have the right to leave him if you want and find another unmarried man to marry.
I can see that you want to keep with him only because of your daughter , well if you can make this sacrifice for your daughter and for him not to get more sick then be it if you want , you know yourself better but if you decided to leave and you have the right for this decision then don't want you to worry about your daughter , one day she will grow up and have her life , separation from him will be difficult for her in the beginning but then she will be adapt .
I don't think you'll manage to marry the other married man , if you reached the decision to divorce your husband wait for a better unmarried man to marry .
Good luck .Any advices?I have to make a difficult decision.I am married,have a child (from the1st marriage),but my ?
Your situation is too complicated.
There is no Via Media in this life my dear lady.
Either you have to accept this man as he is or dump and leave him to his fate.
Start a fresh life with someone who gives you everything without asking you anything.
If you are so unhappy seperate from you husband but do not get with anyone else anytime soon. You need to put your daughters well being first. One day she will be gone and you can do what you want but until then she is #1.
You have to leave him for your own protection.
However, don't look to this other man as a savior. he appears to have a history of infidelity.
Get yourself taken care of first.
if you leave your husband, do it for the right reason. let it be because things did not work out between the 2 of you not because you want to be with someone else. do not rely on someone else to make you happy
What does ur daughter have to do with it. You are to complicated to even understand.
This is complicated.
Try asking on:
http://spousesanonymous.ning.com/
The man that you are having the relationship with that's not your husband also has some problems if he keeps having relationships with other women that are not his wife. So you would be putting your daughter in another situation that is unstable. Maybe you should just get you and your daughter in a place where you are not at risk for some type of heartbreak or mental abuse.
I am sure this is not the best time to get involve with another man, especially a married man because you're unsure what to do. Seeing what happen with your marriage, do you want to break another person's marriage? Let's not avoid the facts by seeking a way out, but look on the bright side... Your daughter gets along with her father, and they both communicate well. The daughter deserves a healthy family and future. At the present, you should work the issues out with your husband.
It's very difficult for you to resolve this on your own or with your husband by what you wrote. It's best to seek counseling or psychotherapist. If you're afraid that there're frictions when asking your husband to attend such therapy, then can ask him to accompany you, so he won't be upset. Making sure you let the psychotherapist knows that in advance, so he can get your husband involves while there. I am sure your husband will start the conversation once you tell him to accompany you to a therapist. Just remember don't identify him as the sole problems generator.
Hope all goes well in the near future.
as you know i have been in a similar situation. i would say to you please be very careful - the grass is not always greener. If possible separate from your husband and live on your own with your daughter. Do you have any where to go? Could he go anywhere to live? Does he have a psychiatric nurse who could support him throught the split? Maybe talk to his Gp about things to see what support could be put in place for him. You cant stay with him because you are worried about his mental health, eventually you will really resent him and it will destroy you both.
You dont mention if you love either of these men ? do you ? You have to be sure that you are making the right decision as the fall out will really affect your daughter. Why not go for counseeling for yourself?
You also need support and need someone to talk to.
I wish you well, but be careful, you can never really judge a man you are having an affair with totally.
Also is he a good long term investment ? Imagine a years time if you are living together . will you be able to trust him ?
Good luck
Your afraid that this man wont love your daughter, well how about your daughter being unhappy that you are taking her away from the one father that has been a constant in her life? You don't mention that her real dad is even in the picture, so this would be the third 'dad' you would put in your child's life?
One thing you know for sure about this man is the he is unfaithful in relationships and has no difficulty cheating on a wife. Is that really the example you want around your daughter? Even if you made a little family, you would eventually have to explain his absence to your daughter, why he's staying out late or not coming home at all (yes, once a cheater always a cheater). You mentioned that the man ditched his prior girlfriend, what makes you think he's looking for another wife, especially since he has not divorced the first one? He may just be looking for a relationship on the side, but not be looking for a wife and kid.
You are in a difficult situation. First, as far as your husband goes, sounds like he needs some professional help for his illness and if he refuses to get it, I would leave and make a new life for myself. You deserve to be happy and it doesn't sound like you are now. Second, the other man is not the answer. He is married and not available. The fact that he has had at least one other affair speaks for his character. I would say until he is divorced and available you should stay clear of him. In the meantime, do what is best for yourself and your daughter. Change can be difficult, but it is well worth it.
Get your husband some help.
He obviously cares for his daughter alot, so dont take that away from him.
I know you must be feeling pretty lonely right now because of it, but seeing another married man, im sorry, but its not the answer.
If you cant talk to your husband about his problem then talk to a marriage councillor or psychologist about it.
Its easy to get help, so dont give up on your husband.
There's obviously still love there otherwise he wouldnt be making an effort with your daughter.
Of course if he became violent, then you need to think about your daughter first.
its easy to be attracted to someone else when you your current life relationship has problems. This is not the way to sort things out. Forget the married man unless you want more drama, stress and problems not to mention what kind of role model you are to your daughter to be having a fling with a married man or any man. You are not sorting things out but looking to avoid dealing with your husband and need to either get him help or separate from him. Tough decisions made worse if you get involved with someone else and not to mention the hurt you will create do you really want that.
If this man is married, I would not trust him. If he will cheat on his wife, he will cheat on you too. You don't need to put your child through that. It would probably be best if you left your husband, and found a guy that was truly available. You don't want to give your child the idea that it is okay to date married men, or that her future husband should be allowed to cheat. You are not doing her any favors. She has already gone through enough losing two fathers. She does not need to wonder where this man is on holidays and get attached, and him decide to stay with his wife.
Here's a huge hint. You are very naive. Married guys tell you these stories so that they can get you to sleep with them on the side. They lie and say they do not sleep with their wives, and that the wife does not understand them, and that they love you. These are all lies. If they did not love their wives, or could not get along with them, then why aren't they divorced? Wouldn't it be better for the both of them?
Tell him that you can not pursue the relationship until he files for divorce. My guess is that he never will. Then you will know for sure. Don't set yourself up for more misery. You have already experienced enough.
Try to fix your marriage first , what are the reasons that sex life is zero ? maybe he needs medical help . Moving from one husband to another should be done for very good reasons and after losing all the hopes for fixing the marriage . If you feel you'll fall in sin because you don't have sex with him and there is no cure for his case then you have the right to leave him if you want and find another unmarried man to marry.
I can see that you want to keep with him only because of your daughter , well if you can make this sacrifice for your daughter and for him not to get more sick then be it if you want , you know yourself better but if you decided to leave and you have the right for this decision then don't want you to worry about your daughter , one day she will grow up and have her life , separation from him will be difficult for her in the beginning but then she will be adapt .
I don't think you'll manage to marry the other married man , if you reached the decision to divorce your husband wait for a better unmarried man to marry .
Good luck .Any advices?I have to make a difficult decision.I am married,have a child (from the1st marriage),but my ?
Your situation is too complicated.
There is no Via Media in this life my dear lady.
Either you have to accept this man as he is or dump and leave him to his fate.
Start a fresh life with someone who gives you everything without asking you anything.
If you are so unhappy seperate from you husband but do not get with anyone else anytime soon. You need to put your daughters well being first. One day she will be gone and you can do what you want but until then she is #1.
You have to leave him for your own protection.
However, don't look to this other man as a savior. he appears to have a history of infidelity.
Get yourself taken care of first.
if you leave your husband, do it for the right reason. let it be because things did not work out between the 2 of you not because you want to be with someone else. do not rely on someone else to make you happy
What does ur daughter have to do with it. You are to complicated to even understand.
This is complicated.
Try asking on:
http://spousesanonymous.ning.com/
The man that you are having the relationship with that's not your husband also has some problems if he keeps having relationships with other women that are not his wife. So you would be putting your daughter in another situation that is unstable. Maybe you should just get you and your daughter in a place where you are not at risk for some type of heartbreak or mental abuse.
I am sure this is not the best time to get involve with another man, especially a married man because you're unsure what to do. Seeing what happen with your marriage, do you want to break another person's marriage? Let's not avoid the facts by seeking a way out, but look on the bright side... Your daughter gets along with her father, and they both communicate well. The daughter deserves a healthy family and future. At the present, you should work the issues out with your husband.
It's very difficult for you to resolve this on your own or with your husband by what you wrote. It's best to seek counseling or psychotherapist. If you're afraid that there're frictions when asking your husband to attend such therapy, then can ask him to accompany you, so he won't be upset. Making sure you let the psychotherapist knows that in advance, so he can get your husband involves while there. I am sure your husband will start the conversation once you tell him to accompany you to a therapist. Just remember don't identify him as the sole problems generator.
Hope all goes well in the near future.
as you know i have been in a similar situation. i would say to you please be very careful - the grass is not always greener. If possible separate from your husband and live on your own with your daughter. Do you have any where to go? Could he go anywhere to live? Does he have a psychiatric nurse who could support him throught the split? Maybe talk to his Gp about things to see what support could be put in place for him. You cant stay with him because you are worried about his mental health, eventually you will really resent him and it will destroy you both.
You dont mention if you love either of these men ? do you ? You have to be sure that you are making the right decision as the fall out will really affect your daughter. Why not go for counseeling for yourself?
You also need support and need someone to talk to.
I wish you well, but be careful, you can never really judge a man you are having an affair with totally.
Also is he a good long term investment ? Imagine a years time if you are living together . will you be able to trust him ?
Good luck
Your afraid that this man wont love your daughter, well how about your daughter being unhappy that you are taking her away from the one father that has been a constant in her life? You don't mention that her real dad is even in the picture, so this would be the third 'dad' you would put in your child's life?
One thing you know for sure about this man is the he is unfaithful in relationships and has no difficulty cheating on a wife. Is that really the example you want around your daughter? Even if you made a little family, you would eventually have to explain his absence to your daughter, why he's staying out late or not coming home at all (yes, once a cheater always a cheater). You mentioned that the man ditched his prior girlfriend, what makes you think he's looking for another wife, especially since he has not divorced the first one? He may just be looking for a relationship on the side, but not be looking for a wife and kid.
You are in a difficult situation. First, as far as your husband goes, sounds like he needs some professional help for his illness and if he refuses to get it, I would leave and make a new life for myself. You deserve to be happy and it doesn't sound like you are now. Second, the other man is not the answer. He is married and not available. The fact that he has had at least one other affair speaks for his character. I would say until he is divorced and available you should stay clear of him. In the meantime, do what is best for yourself and your daughter. Change can be difficult, but it is well worth it.
Get your husband some help.
He obviously cares for his daughter alot, so dont take that away from him.
I know you must be feeling pretty lonely right now because of it, but seeing another married man, im sorry, but its not the answer.
If you cant talk to your husband about his problem then talk to a marriage councillor or psychologist about it.
Its easy to get help, so dont give up on your husband.
There's obviously still love there otherwise he wouldnt be making an effort with your daughter.
Of course if he became violent, then you need to think about your daughter first.
its easy to be attracted to someone else when you your current life relationship has problems. This is not the way to sort things out. Forget the married man unless you want more drama, stress and problems not to mention what kind of role model you are to your daughter to be having a fling with a married man or any man. You are not sorting things out but looking to avoid dealing with your husband and need to either get him help or separate from him. Tough decisions made worse if you get involved with someone else and not to mention the hurt you will create do you really want that.
If this man is married, I would not trust him. If he will cheat on his wife, he will cheat on you too. You don't need to put your child through that. It would probably be best if you left your husband, and found a guy that was truly available. You don't want to give your child the idea that it is okay to date married men, or that her future husband should be allowed to cheat. You are not doing her any favors. She has already gone through enough losing two fathers. She does not need to wonder where this man is on holidays and get attached, and him decide to stay with his wife.
Here's a huge hint. You are very naive. Married guys tell you these stories so that they can get you to sleep with them on the side. They lie and say they do not sleep with their wives, and that the wife does not understand them, and that they love you. These are all lies. If they did not love their wives, or could not get along with them, then why aren't they divorced? Wouldn't it be better for the both of them?
Tell him that you can not pursue the relationship until he files for divorce. My guess is that he never will. Then you will know for sure. Don't set yourself up for more misery. You have already experienced enough.
I need advice. My b/f and I have children from prior marriages. I have dinner with his child but he doesn't ?
come over to have dinner with my children. There is always an excuse. I also invited my best friend to dinner tonight. Now my children are older between 16 and 23 so they aren't tiny kids running around misbehaving. What should I do about these two and their excuses not to join us at my home for a nice dinner. I am a wonderful cook so my cooking is not the problem.I need advice. My b/f and I have children from prior marriages. I have dinner with his child but he doesn't ?
If he loves you, he needs to learn to love your kids. If he can't bring himself to spend time with them now, while you're dating and he's presumably on his best behavior, that's not going to change if the relationship progresses further.
You need to tell him that his reluctance to spend time with your children and accept them into his life is a serious concern for you. If he has some problem with your kids that he hasn't told you about, he needs to get that off his chest so it can be addressed. You also need to make it absolutely clear to him that his habit of continually putting distance between himself and your kids is a deal-breaker as far as your relationship with him is concerned. Otherwise he's going to think what he's doing is OK, and will be blindsided when you break it off.I need advice. My b/f and I have children from prior marriages. I have dinner with his child but he doesn't ?
sounds like he wants to have control of the relationship and he feels it will be lost by coming and meeting your kids. Also maybe he isn't sure how serious the relationship will be so he doesn't want to get to know your kids until he is sure it is going to last. Finally maybe you think you are a good cook but you really are terrible.
maybe its just taking him a little bit longer to adjust to the situation than it takes you. give him some time, if he continues this behavior then it is probably a problem for him.
probably scared........he is probably not ready :) that's what i'd think
Next time he invites you over for dinner, just bring your kids along or have him schedule the next dinner and let him know your taking your kids with you. If you've been together 2 years then what's the hold up? If he has an excuse each time you have dinner plans with your children then somethings up. Is your bf young? Perhaps he feels intimidated by your kids since your eldest is 23.
that is tough I wouldn't push it, just hope that one day it will get better
maybe next time he is all gung ho for you to spend time with HIS kids you can be busy etc, sounds like dad is not quite as eager to play happy families on your side of things.......
Of course your cooking is not a problem. There is something more than his excuses, dear. He is not yet ready to meet with your kids because they are already at the age wherein they could very well manage to assess your situation with him in all aspects. Kids are more sensitive than their parents when it comes to family issues. They would not miss one detail.
I do not like to sound negative but I could sense fear in your bf. I could sense that he is not yet ready to bond with your kids for reasons that only him knows. You and I do not know what he thinks. Have you assessed his commitment to you? Men who are willing to commit will do all means to connect and meet with all the family members of his beloved.
I suggest that you schedule a dinner date with him in private. Not inside your house but outside where he could talk freely and not hide how he feels. Open up and listen to his side. You will be the only one who could say if he is sincere in his explanation or not.
I hope it works. Everything can be arranged through polite and balanced communication. Good luck. :)
wow its hard for a relationship to run smooth when there are kids on both sides still at home, just sit every one down and have a long talk
I'm sorry, but find another boyfriend. If this is not working now, think of who you are going to have to choose after the marriage. Choosing between children and the man is going to do nothing but give you sorrow.
That is really strange. Ask them straight up. That's what I would do.
If he loves you, he needs to learn to love your kids. If he can't bring himself to spend time with them now, while you're dating and he's presumably on his best behavior, that's not going to change if the relationship progresses further.
You need to tell him that his reluctance to spend time with your children and accept them into his life is a serious concern for you. If he has some problem with your kids that he hasn't told you about, he needs to get that off his chest so it can be addressed. You also need to make it absolutely clear to him that his habit of continually putting distance between himself and your kids is a deal-breaker as far as your relationship with him is concerned. Otherwise he's going to think what he's doing is OK, and will be blindsided when you break it off.I need advice. My b/f and I have children from prior marriages. I have dinner with his child but he doesn't ?
sounds like he wants to have control of the relationship and he feels it will be lost by coming and meeting your kids. Also maybe he isn't sure how serious the relationship will be so he doesn't want to get to know your kids until he is sure it is going to last. Finally maybe you think you are a good cook but you really are terrible.
maybe its just taking him a little bit longer to adjust to the situation than it takes you. give him some time, if he continues this behavior then it is probably a problem for him.
probably scared........he is probably not ready :) that's what i'd think
Next time he invites you over for dinner, just bring your kids along or have him schedule the next dinner and let him know your taking your kids with you. If you've been together 2 years then what's the hold up? If he has an excuse each time you have dinner plans with your children then somethings up. Is your bf young? Perhaps he feels intimidated by your kids since your eldest is 23.
that is tough I wouldn't push it, just hope that one day it will get better
maybe next time he is all gung ho for you to spend time with HIS kids you can be busy etc, sounds like dad is not quite as eager to play happy families on your side of things.......
Of course your cooking is not a problem. There is something more than his excuses, dear. He is not yet ready to meet with your kids because they are already at the age wherein they could very well manage to assess your situation with him in all aspects. Kids are more sensitive than their parents when it comes to family issues. They would not miss one detail.
I do not like to sound negative but I could sense fear in your bf. I could sense that he is not yet ready to bond with your kids for reasons that only him knows. You and I do not know what he thinks. Have you assessed his commitment to you? Men who are willing to commit will do all means to connect and meet with all the family members of his beloved.
I suggest that you schedule a dinner date with him in private. Not inside your house but outside where he could talk freely and not hide how he feels. Open up and listen to his side. You will be the only one who could say if he is sincere in his explanation or not.
I hope it works. Everything can be arranged through polite and balanced communication. Good luck. :)
wow its hard for a relationship to run smooth when there are kids on both sides still at home, just sit every one down and have a long talk
I'm sorry, but find another boyfriend. If this is not working now, think of who you are going to have to choose after the marriage. Choosing between children and the man is going to do nothing but give you sorrow.
That is really strange. Ask them straight up. That's what I would do.
Please help. marriage advice!!!?
(i asked this question earlier so sorry if your reading it for the 2nd time)
How should i deal with the fact that for the last 6 years, i've been in love...but although i am muslim, i'm in love with a girl who is hindu. I know it's forbidden in islam, and her parents would be against this too, but in 2-3 years time, when i get married, how will i marry someone knowing that i don't love them. do you think it can survive. it would be impossible for me to open up to this person, because i'll just feel like a fraud.
Obviously, i'm trying to stay strong and do the right thing by my religion...but even after 6 years, i literally think about this girl first thing in the morning and last thing before i fall asleep (cliche i know but its actually true i'm afraid).
So any advice as to how i have a happy marriage and life...because i don't think i'll ever love anyone as much as the girl i'm in love with.
I know this might sound desperate and pathetic...which it is i suppose, but this is the situation i find myself in. i've tried blocking this person out of my life, and even went a couple of years without speaking to her...but even then, no matter how hard i tried, i couldnt forget.
I especially want to get some advice from my fellow muslims as they'll understand better the position im in and understand the circumstances better.Please help. marriage advice!!!?
I think you first need to tell us if she
is in love with you or not. Your final
decision will depend on that...Please help. marriage advice!!!?
I am sorry. Either you ask her to change her religion or you will have to forget about this girl. also, she cant convert to Islam just for the heck of it. She got to study it, agree with it, and accept it. Because islam is all about intentions. She cant convert with the intention of marrying you.
I know this is hard on you. Very hard i suppose. But the love of Allah should have been far more greater then your love for this girl since the beginning. Hindus are idol worshippers. Do you realize that? Do you realize what their believes are? And do you realize how unhappy Allah would be with these people? How can you destroy your akhirah for dunia? and that too, for some girl? i know its hard. But you got to think wisely. Deal with it
If you open your heart to someone else, the love grows.
I suggest you don't jeopardize yourself with the family being torn apart and all the heartbreak. It's not an easy thing to go through.
Besides, if you love Allah more, you know what to do.
--If it's any consolation to you, a cousin of mine married a Hindu man, and he did not revert to Islam when they got married.
Her family was torn apart, and she went through a lot of pain with her family not being accepting of her.
But, here's the great part..
Alhamdulillah, 6 months ago, he reverted to Islam. They have one child together.
How should i deal with the fact that for the last 6 years, i've been in love...but although i am muslim, i'm in love with a girl who is hindu. I know it's forbidden in islam, and her parents would be against this too, but in 2-3 years time, when i get married, how will i marry someone knowing that i don't love them. do you think it can survive. it would be impossible for me to open up to this person, because i'll just feel like a fraud.
Obviously, i'm trying to stay strong and do the right thing by my religion...but even after 6 years, i literally think about this girl first thing in the morning and last thing before i fall asleep (cliche i know but its actually true i'm afraid).
So any advice as to how i have a happy marriage and life...because i don't think i'll ever love anyone as much as the girl i'm in love with.
I know this might sound desperate and pathetic...which it is i suppose, but this is the situation i find myself in. i've tried blocking this person out of my life, and even went a couple of years without speaking to her...but even then, no matter how hard i tried, i couldnt forget.
I especially want to get some advice from my fellow muslims as they'll understand better the position im in and understand the circumstances better.Please help. marriage advice!!!?
I think you first need to tell us if she
is in love with you or not. Your final
decision will depend on that...Please help. marriage advice!!!?
I am sorry. Either you ask her to change her religion or you will have to forget about this girl. also, she cant convert to Islam just for the heck of it. She got to study it, agree with it, and accept it. Because islam is all about intentions. She cant convert with the intention of marrying you.
I know this is hard on you. Very hard i suppose. But the love of Allah should have been far more greater then your love for this girl since the beginning. Hindus are idol worshippers. Do you realize that? Do you realize what their believes are? And do you realize how unhappy Allah would be with these people? How can you destroy your akhirah for dunia? and that too, for some girl? i know its hard. But you got to think wisely. Deal with it
If you open your heart to someone else, the love grows.
I suggest you don't jeopardize yourself with the family being torn apart and all the heartbreak. It's not an easy thing to go through.
Besides, if you love Allah more, you know what to do.
--If it's any consolation to you, a cousin of mine married a Hindu man, and he did not revert to Islam when they got married.
Her family was torn apart, and she went through a lot of pain with her family not being accepting of her.
But, here's the great part..
Alhamdulillah, 6 months ago, he reverted to Islam. They have one child together.
Marriage advice please?
My husband is going out of state for 1 week to go to family reunion. His parents live in the same town as the meeting, so he will eb staying there. His ex-girlfirend also lives in the same town that the meeting is in, next door to his parents. I cant go, because i have to work and they wont give me the time off.
4 years ago, my husband had an affair on me with his ex-girlfriend, when we lived in that state. He eventually stopped, and we moved out of the state and things are great now! But i am nervous about him going back to that town, because the ex is there. He will be there for 1 week. I have asked him over and over again what will ahppen if he see's her, and he says that he has no feelings for her, and would never hurt me again. But im terified, especailly since i cant be there. What should i do? Should i trust my husbadn? He has been great the last few years, but not in the past.
(Serious answers only please. I will report abuse for inconsiderate or ride answers. Thanks.)Marriage advice please?
It basically comes down to 2 choices:
1. Trust your husband and stop worrying.
2. Continue to worry.
No matter which one you go with, you cannot control what your husband does. You've expressed your concerns to him. There's nothing else you can do to ensure that he will be trustworthy. That's his responsiblity.
I wish I had some better advice, but there's nothing I can say that can erase the past and take away your concerns.Marriage advice please?
I am not doing to tell you to trust your husband because you already know that, but i am going to ask you to ask yourself have you really forgiven him for the past. Please be honest with yourself, because that will let you know just how far you have really come in the relationship. This one is hard. You have to be honest with yourself. can you really trust him?
I would like to help you but i am 9 years old
Wow, that must suck. All you can do is trust him. (Unless you know people who can watch.) Do you trust him? You have had four good years, and you haven't said how long you've been married.
Good luck, honey.
you're gonna have to trust him at some point and what better test. yup, it's scary but 4 yrs ago is a long time and let's hope he's learned his lesson. you can't go along, can't spy on him, can't call him every waking minute of the day, so believe him.
oh, and before he leaves, remind him in the bedroom why he married you so he'll miss you and might even cut his visit short bec he can't wait to get home to you.
I think you should give him your trust. And if you nag or try to set him up by accusing him, knowing human behavior he will act on the impulse ( no matter how slim the chance is) to cheat with the ex. He will figure he has nothing to lose because you don't trust him. Hopefully he has learned his lesson , they can learn from past mistakes. Good luck to you.
I would learn to trust your husband even though it can be difficult for you and hope that he makes the right decision. However, if you are really worried maybe you should hire a private detective to follow him and that way if he does cheat, the private detective can get back in touch with you and you will know. I have been in your shoes before and I understand completely where you are coming from and there is no harm in that at all. Another thing to do is call in sick to work and go with him, tell him you want to go for moral support. Keep in mind if you can't go that he has done this in the past and he may be using this as an excuse to meet up with her again and have another affair behind your back. It happens. Men will tell you anything if they can convince you to believe it. My advice is not to let him play you for a fool this time and to try to think of some way that you can go so you can feel safer.
First off...why aren't you going with him? It's a FAMILY reunion and you are family?
Second, he is going to do what he is going to do. Sorry.
But before he goes, treat him with a nice, romantic dinner and a little loving. Leave notes in his luggage reminding him you love him and trust him. Leave your picture too. That may be the TLC he needs to keep him strong and away from her.
Good luck.
3 choices and not all of them are pretty.
1. Ask him not to go. He's a big boy now and he doesn't have to go. Perhaps he's willing to avoid any appearance of impropriety to prove his allegiance is to you.
2. Trust him. This can't be forced upon you. He's either proven he's trustworthy or he hasn't.
3. Pay to have him tailed (as in private investigator). Serious cash required and rather unhealthy, but maybe it will prove to you if he's true or not.
You have no choice but to trust him. If he is going to cheat, he'll do it regardless of if you trust him or not. If he *wasn't* going to cheat and you either refuse to let him go, or even worse spy on him, that will be a sore spot in your relationship forever. And if you treat him like he's definitely going to cheat by acting like you don't trust him, he'll live up to your expectaions.
I'm sure it is going to be hard to wonder what he is doing while he's gone but you both have to get used to the idea of him being able to go places without you and not cheat. If you treat him like you trust him, hopefully he will not cheat; and if you trust him and he does cheat again, you need to decide if you really want to be married to him any more.
I had a similiar situation to deal with and let me just say once a cheater always a cheater sorry for the bad news but it is the truth. Good luck
If you can't be there you have no other choice but to trust him. Don't keep hounding him about the past, it only makes things worse. If perhaps something was to happen he'll only justify it because of you insecurities. Trust? Yes, trust your husband.
Better yet, give him something to look forward to coming home to after the reunion, I'm sure you'll think of something. HMMMMMMMMM.
trust is what you need and if you cant have it your marriage will never last.
do you have a trustworthy friend in that town that you can call on to keep watch! other people are saying that you just have to trust him, bumkin. he's already cheated so is not to be trusted. are you close to your in-laws? mabye they can ensure that he is not exposed to her in a 1 on 1 situation. keep vigilant for you have cause to and you have everything to lose. if he can pass this test then you might be able to move your relationship to a more trusting place. good luck
Your husband screwed up and becuase of that he killed the trust you had for him. That is not your fault. If you can't go to the reunion, he shouldn't go either. He lost the opportunity to do things like that when he strayed.
I think you have no choice but to trust him unless you're going to insist he stays home since you can't be there. This could be a very healing experience if he is trustworthy now. Good luck. I've been cheated on, and I still have a really bad time trusting. I know it isn't easy.
I have been with my b/f for 6 years and sometimes when he sees his ex wife I can see that he still wants to be with her. Even though he says he won't, doesn't mean he won't. If he loves you and understands your feelings, he won't go. If he has to go; send him with a child if you have one. Really if he goes, you will never know if he has been faithful. But in your heart or mind you will always think that he cheated. I feel bad for you to be in this position. Best of Luck to you!
well you just have to trust him, i mean you have to look at it this way - if he still wanted to be with her, he would not have moved away with you. Even if something like that does happen, he will be back to you in a week, you just have to believe in your husband or what is the point, you know
a cheater is always a cheat
i THINK THAT SOULD GIVE HIM HIM THE OOPURTUNITY TO SHOW YOU THAT YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. 4 YEARS HAS PASSED SINCE THAT INCCIDENT AND YOU SHOULD JUST TRY GIVE HIM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.
AND YES IT IS NORMAIL FOR YOU TO BE TERRIFIED. BEING CHEATED ON IS NOT AN EASY THING. AND EVEN MORE SO WHEN SHE IS GOING TO BE PROBABLY BUMPING INTO HIM WEHTER BY COINCIDENCE OR ON PURPOSE.
CALL YOUR HUSBAND DAILY WHILE HE IS AWAY. ONE TO SHOW HIM THAT YOU LOVE HIM AND TWO SO THAT WAY YOU KEEP TABS ON HIM.
AND LASTLY IF SOMETHING DOES HAPPEN REMEMBER, IF YOU HAVE DONE WITHIN YOUR POWEWR TO MAKE HIM HAPPY THEN IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. AND YOU SHOULD EITHER SEEK MARRIAGE COUNSILING OR MAYBE AN END TO IT.
GOOD LUCK!
Humans are not perfect and because of it we make mistakes. Some learn from them, others choose to continue on messing up. No one knows your husband better then yourself, I read at the end of your explanation for your question that's he's been great. A good quality to me in a woman is to know how to really forgive, forget and move on. Trust is so important between a man and a woman that love each other and are in a serious relationship like the one you're in. Obviously you have confronted him with your fears and he has assured you that the affair he had it's in the past. You know no matter how hard we try to stop others from messing up, hurting us or doing what we want them to do, they'll do whatever feels right for them. Let him go peacefully and reassure him looking right into his eyes of how much you love, trust and care for him and the relationship. What's done it's done and what's said it's said, relax and let things happen. I really hope I brougth some light into this moment of darkness.
I think you need to decide whether you're going to trust him or not.
Either you trust him, and know that if he runs into this woman, he will behave himself, or you don't. If you don't (and it really sounds like you don't) you can acknowledge that there are still unresolved trust issues within your relationship and decide to work on them. If he's willing, couples counseling can help. But you can go see your own counselor no matter what he does, to help you sort out your own complicated feelings about this.
For the short term, you can ask him to make sure he's never alone with this woman. He may be willing to take his mother, or father, or second cousin once removed, with him wherever he has to go, in case he runs into her. If he sees her in the yard or driveway, he can call his dad (or someone) out to join them. He's certainly not going to cheat on you in the front yard with his parents watching.
Has he made it clear to this woman that he is no longer interested in her, and that he values his marriage and you too much to ever risk it again? You could help him prepare a ';statement'; to give her is she brings up the affair.
You could also ask him to consider cutting the trip a bit short--is the reunion really all week? Maybe a four day trip would help you feel more at ease.
I wish you the best of luck. I hope that you are able to resolve this soon, for your own peace of mind.
it sounds like your husband has done a lot of growing up over the last few years, although you cant be faulted for being nervous about him being around this woman without you for a week, if you can't trust him to go, maybe you should think about calling it quits.
Trust is essential in a marriage, having you hound him and treat him with distrust he will feel like he has nothing to lose, as you already don't trust him.
I suggest that if you have forgiven him for his past mistake, you are best served by showing that you have trust in him. Tell him you believe he feels sorry for his past mistake and that you know he won't hurt you again.
Tell him to have a great time, that you are sorry you can't go, but you will be happy to hear from him each day until he gets back.
I would hide cute little notes in his luggage and such that remind him that you love him, miss him and are looking forward to having him back home soon.
If possible, go with him for the weekend before you have to go to work.
what will u have w/out trust?? i no it is hard 2 do this, but it is the only thing u can do(unless u take it in2 serious matters nd get a private detective...)
4 years ago, my husband had an affair on me with his ex-girlfriend, when we lived in that state. He eventually stopped, and we moved out of the state and things are great now! But i am nervous about him going back to that town, because the ex is there. He will be there for 1 week. I have asked him over and over again what will ahppen if he see's her, and he says that he has no feelings for her, and would never hurt me again. But im terified, especailly since i cant be there. What should i do? Should i trust my husbadn? He has been great the last few years, but not in the past.
(Serious answers only please. I will report abuse for inconsiderate or ride answers. Thanks.)Marriage advice please?
It basically comes down to 2 choices:
1. Trust your husband and stop worrying.
2. Continue to worry.
No matter which one you go with, you cannot control what your husband does. You've expressed your concerns to him. There's nothing else you can do to ensure that he will be trustworthy. That's his responsiblity.
I wish I had some better advice, but there's nothing I can say that can erase the past and take away your concerns.Marriage advice please?
I am not doing to tell you to trust your husband because you already know that, but i am going to ask you to ask yourself have you really forgiven him for the past. Please be honest with yourself, because that will let you know just how far you have really come in the relationship. This one is hard. You have to be honest with yourself. can you really trust him?
I would like to help you but i am 9 years old
Wow, that must suck. All you can do is trust him. (Unless you know people who can watch.) Do you trust him? You have had four good years, and you haven't said how long you've been married.
Good luck, honey.
you're gonna have to trust him at some point and what better test. yup, it's scary but 4 yrs ago is a long time and let's hope he's learned his lesson. you can't go along, can't spy on him, can't call him every waking minute of the day, so believe him.
oh, and before he leaves, remind him in the bedroom why he married you so he'll miss you and might even cut his visit short bec he can't wait to get home to you.
I think you should give him your trust. And if you nag or try to set him up by accusing him, knowing human behavior he will act on the impulse ( no matter how slim the chance is) to cheat with the ex. He will figure he has nothing to lose because you don't trust him. Hopefully he has learned his lesson , they can learn from past mistakes. Good luck to you.
I would learn to trust your husband even though it can be difficult for you and hope that he makes the right decision. However, if you are really worried maybe you should hire a private detective to follow him and that way if he does cheat, the private detective can get back in touch with you and you will know. I have been in your shoes before and I understand completely where you are coming from and there is no harm in that at all. Another thing to do is call in sick to work and go with him, tell him you want to go for moral support. Keep in mind if you can't go that he has done this in the past and he may be using this as an excuse to meet up with her again and have another affair behind your back. It happens. Men will tell you anything if they can convince you to believe it. My advice is not to let him play you for a fool this time and to try to think of some way that you can go so you can feel safer.
First off...why aren't you going with him? It's a FAMILY reunion and you are family?
Second, he is going to do what he is going to do. Sorry.
But before he goes, treat him with a nice, romantic dinner and a little loving. Leave notes in his luggage reminding him you love him and trust him. Leave your picture too. That may be the TLC he needs to keep him strong and away from her.
Good luck.
3 choices and not all of them are pretty.
1. Ask him not to go. He's a big boy now and he doesn't have to go. Perhaps he's willing to avoid any appearance of impropriety to prove his allegiance is to you.
2. Trust him. This can't be forced upon you. He's either proven he's trustworthy or he hasn't.
3. Pay to have him tailed (as in private investigator). Serious cash required and rather unhealthy, but maybe it will prove to you if he's true or not.
You have no choice but to trust him. If he is going to cheat, he'll do it regardless of if you trust him or not. If he *wasn't* going to cheat and you either refuse to let him go, or even worse spy on him, that will be a sore spot in your relationship forever. And if you treat him like he's definitely going to cheat by acting like you don't trust him, he'll live up to your expectaions.
I'm sure it is going to be hard to wonder what he is doing while he's gone but you both have to get used to the idea of him being able to go places without you and not cheat. If you treat him like you trust him, hopefully he will not cheat; and if you trust him and he does cheat again, you need to decide if you really want to be married to him any more.
I had a similiar situation to deal with and let me just say once a cheater always a cheater sorry for the bad news but it is the truth. Good luck
If you can't be there you have no other choice but to trust him. Don't keep hounding him about the past, it only makes things worse. If perhaps something was to happen he'll only justify it because of you insecurities. Trust? Yes, trust your husband.
Better yet, give him something to look forward to coming home to after the reunion, I'm sure you'll think of something. HMMMMMMMMM.
trust is what you need and if you cant have it your marriage will never last.
do you have a trustworthy friend in that town that you can call on to keep watch! other people are saying that you just have to trust him, bumkin. he's already cheated so is not to be trusted. are you close to your in-laws? mabye they can ensure that he is not exposed to her in a 1 on 1 situation. keep vigilant for you have cause to and you have everything to lose. if he can pass this test then you might be able to move your relationship to a more trusting place. good luck
Your husband screwed up and becuase of that he killed the trust you had for him. That is not your fault. If you can't go to the reunion, he shouldn't go either. He lost the opportunity to do things like that when he strayed.
I think you have no choice but to trust him unless you're going to insist he stays home since you can't be there. This could be a very healing experience if he is trustworthy now. Good luck. I've been cheated on, and I still have a really bad time trusting. I know it isn't easy.
I have been with my b/f for 6 years and sometimes when he sees his ex wife I can see that he still wants to be with her. Even though he says he won't, doesn't mean he won't. If he loves you and understands your feelings, he won't go. If he has to go; send him with a child if you have one. Really if he goes, you will never know if he has been faithful. But in your heart or mind you will always think that he cheated. I feel bad for you to be in this position. Best of Luck to you!
well you just have to trust him, i mean you have to look at it this way - if he still wanted to be with her, he would not have moved away with you. Even if something like that does happen, he will be back to you in a week, you just have to believe in your husband or what is the point, you know
a cheater is always a cheat
i THINK THAT SOULD GIVE HIM HIM THE OOPURTUNITY TO SHOW YOU THAT YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. 4 YEARS HAS PASSED SINCE THAT INCCIDENT AND YOU SHOULD JUST TRY GIVE HIM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.
AND YES IT IS NORMAIL FOR YOU TO BE TERRIFIED. BEING CHEATED ON IS NOT AN EASY THING. AND EVEN MORE SO WHEN SHE IS GOING TO BE PROBABLY BUMPING INTO HIM WEHTER BY COINCIDENCE OR ON PURPOSE.
CALL YOUR HUSBAND DAILY WHILE HE IS AWAY. ONE TO SHOW HIM THAT YOU LOVE HIM AND TWO SO THAT WAY YOU KEEP TABS ON HIM.
AND LASTLY IF SOMETHING DOES HAPPEN REMEMBER, IF YOU HAVE DONE WITHIN YOUR POWEWR TO MAKE HIM HAPPY THEN IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. AND YOU SHOULD EITHER SEEK MARRIAGE COUNSILING OR MAYBE AN END TO IT.
GOOD LUCK!
Humans are not perfect and because of it we make mistakes. Some learn from them, others choose to continue on messing up. No one knows your husband better then yourself, I read at the end of your explanation for your question that's he's been great. A good quality to me in a woman is to know how to really forgive, forget and move on. Trust is so important between a man and a woman that love each other and are in a serious relationship like the one you're in. Obviously you have confronted him with your fears and he has assured you that the affair he had it's in the past. You know no matter how hard we try to stop others from messing up, hurting us or doing what we want them to do, they'll do whatever feels right for them. Let him go peacefully and reassure him looking right into his eyes of how much you love, trust and care for him and the relationship. What's done it's done and what's said it's said, relax and let things happen. I really hope I brougth some light into this moment of darkness.
I think you need to decide whether you're going to trust him or not.
Either you trust him, and know that if he runs into this woman, he will behave himself, or you don't. If you don't (and it really sounds like you don't) you can acknowledge that there are still unresolved trust issues within your relationship and decide to work on them. If he's willing, couples counseling can help. But you can go see your own counselor no matter what he does, to help you sort out your own complicated feelings about this.
For the short term, you can ask him to make sure he's never alone with this woman. He may be willing to take his mother, or father, or second cousin once removed, with him wherever he has to go, in case he runs into her. If he sees her in the yard or driveway, he can call his dad (or someone) out to join them. He's certainly not going to cheat on you in the front yard with his parents watching.
Has he made it clear to this woman that he is no longer interested in her, and that he values his marriage and you too much to ever risk it again? You could help him prepare a ';statement'; to give her is she brings up the affair.
You could also ask him to consider cutting the trip a bit short--is the reunion really all week? Maybe a four day trip would help you feel more at ease.
I wish you the best of luck. I hope that you are able to resolve this soon, for your own peace of mind.
it sounds like your husband has done a lot of growing up over the last few years, although you cant be faulted for being nervous about him being around this woman without you for a week, if you can't trust him to go, maybe you should think about calling it quits.
Trust is essential in a marriage, having you hound him and treat him with distrust he will feel like he has nothing to lose, as you already don't trust him.
I suggest that if you have forgiven him for his past mistake, you are best served by showing that you have trust in him. Tell him you believe he feels sorry for his past mistake and that you know he won't hurt you again.
Tell him to have a great time, that you are sorry you can't go, but you will be happy to hear from him each day until he gets back.
I would hide cute little notes in his luggage and such that remind him that you love him, miss him and are looking forward to having him back home soon.
If possible, go with him for the weekend before you have to go to work.
what will u have w/out trust?? i no it is hard 2 do this, but it is the only thing u can do(unless u take it in2 serious matters nd get a private detective...)
I need advice. My b/f and I have children from prior marriages. I have dinner with his child but he doesn't ?
come over to have dinner with my children. There is always an excuse. I also invited my best friend to dinner tonight. Now my children are older between 16 and 23 so they aren't tiny kids running around misbehaving. What should I do about these two and their excuses not to join us at my home for a nice dinner. I am a wonderful cook so my cooking is not the problem.I need advice. My b/f and I have children from prior marriages. I have dinner with his child but he doesn't ?
Next time he invites you over for dinner, just bring your kids along or have him schedule the next dinner and let him know your taking your kids with you. If you've been together 2 years then what's the hold up? If he has an excuse each time you have dinner plans with your children then somethings up. Is your bf young? Perhaps he feels intimidated by your kids since your eldest is 23. I need advice. My b/f and I have children from prior marriages. I have dinner with his child but he doesn't ?
maybe next time he is all gung ho for you to spend time with HIS kids you can be busy etc, sounds like dad is not quite as eager to play happy families on your side of things.......
I'm sorry, but find another boyfriend. If this is not working now, think of who you are going to have to choose after the marriage. Choosing between children and the man is going to do nothing but give you sorrow.
sounds like he wants to have control of the relationship and he feels it will be lost by coming and meeting your kids. Also maybe he isn't sure how serious the relationship will be so he doesn't want to get to know your kids until he is sure it is going to last. Finally maybe you think you are a good cook but you really are terrible.
If he loves you, he needs to learn to love your kids. If he can't bring himself to spend time with them now, while you're dating and he's presumably on his best behavior, that's not going to change if the relationship progresses further.
You need to tell him that his reluctance to spend time with your children and accept them into his life is a serious concern for you. If he has some problem with your kids that he hasn't told you about, he needs to get that off his chest so it can be addressed. You also need to make it absolutely clear to him that his habit of continually putting distance between himself and your kids is a deal-breaker as far as your relationship with him is concerned. Otherwise he's going to think what he's doing is OK, and will be blindsided when you break it off.
wow its hard for a relationship to run smooth when there are kids on both sides still at home, just sit every one down and have a long talk
maybe its just taking him a little bit longer to adjust to the situation than it takes you. give him some time, if he continues this behavior then it is probably a problem for him.
That is really strange. Ask them straight up. That's what I would do.
that is tough I wouldn't push it, just hope that one day it will get better
probably scared........he is probably not ready :) that's what i'd think
Of course your cooking is not a problem. There is something more than his excuses, dear. He is not yet ready to meet with your kids because they are already at the age wherein they could very well manage to assess your situation with him in all aspects. Kids are more sensitive than their parents when it comes to family issues. They would not miss one detail.
I do not like to sound negative but I could sense fear in your bf. I could sense that he is not yet ready to bond with your kids for reasons that only him knows. You and I do not know what he thinks. Have you assessed his commitment to you? Men who are willing to commit will do all means to connect and meet with all the family members of his beloved.
I suggest that you schedule a dinner date with him in private. Not inside your house but outside where he could talk freely and not hide how he feels. Open up and listen to his side. You will be the only one who could say if he is sincere in his explanation or not.
I hope it works. Everything can be arranged through polite and balanced communication. Good luck. :)
Next time he invites you over for dinner, just bring your kids along or have him schedule the next dinner and let him know your taking your kids with you. If you've been together 2 years then what's the hold up? If he has an excuse each time you have dinner plans with your children then somethings up. Is your bf young? Perhaps he feels intimidated by your kids since your eldest is 23. I need advice. My b/f and I have children from prior marriages. I have dinner with his child but he doesn't ?
maybe next time he is all gung ho for you to spend time with HIS kids you can be busy etc, sounds like dad is not quite as eager to play happy families on your side of things.......
I'm sorry, but find another boyfriend. If this is not working now, think of who you are going to have to choose after the marriage. Choosing between children and the man is going to do nothing but give you sorrow.
sounds like he wants to have control of the relationship and he feels it will be lost by coming and meeting your kids. Also maybe he isn't sure how serious the relationship will be so he doesn't want to get to know your kids until he is sure it is going to last. Finally maybe you think you are a good cook but you really are terrible.
If he loves you, he needs to learn to love your kids. If he can't bring himself to spend time with them now, while you're dating and he's presumably on his best behavior, that's not going to change if the relationship progresses further.
You need to tell him that his reluctance to spend time with your children and accept them into his life is a serious concern for you. If he has some problem with your kids that he hasn't told you about, he needs to get that off his chest so it can be addressed. You also need to make it absolutely clear to him that his habit of continually putting distance between himself and your kids is a deal-breaker as far as your relationship with him is concerned. Otherwise he's going to think what he's doing is OK, and will be blindsided when you break it off.
wow its hard for a relationship to run smooth when there are kids on both sides still at home, just sit every one down and have a long talk
maybe its just taking him a little bit longer to adjust to the situation than it takes you. give him some time, if he continues this behavior then it is probably a problem for him.
That is really strange. Ask them straight up. That's what I would do.
that is tough I wouldn't push it, just hope that one day it will get better
probably scared........he is probably not ready :) that's what i'd think
Of course your cooking is not a problem. There is something more than his excuses, dear. He is not yet ready to meet with your kids because they are already at the age wherein they could very well manage to assess your situation with him in all aspects. Kids are more sensitive than their parents when it comes to family issues. They would not miss one detail.
I do not like to sound negative but I could sense fear in your bf. I could sense that he is not yet ready to bond with your kids for reasons that only him knows. You and I do not know what he thinks. Have you assessed his commitment to you? Men who are willing to commit will do all means to connect and meet with all the family members of his beloved.
I suggest that you schedule a dinner date with him in private. Not inside your house but outside where he could talk freely and not hide how he feels. Open up and listen to his side. You will be the only one who could say if he is sincere in his explanation or not.
I hope it works. Everything can be arranged through polite and balanced communication. Good luck. :)
Marriage Advice...?!?
Okay, My husband %26amp; I decided to move back in with his parents to pay off some bills %26amp; save some money. We moved into the basement, which is partially done*one room* and the rest he is working on. We knew it would be stressful, considering we have 3 boys under the age of 4, but our marriage is suffering big time. We are constantly arguing %26amp; he is acting so different now that we've moved in. It's almost like he's reverted back into his teenage years %26amp; all he wants to do is hang out with his brother %26amp; do errands that his dad tells him to do*like mow the lawn* I love his family %26amp; not irritated with them, just with my husband. He keeps saying I want too much attention, but I don't think that is the case. I don't want attention, I NEED help with the kids! Whenever we fight, he just walks away from me without finishing the argument because he knows I won't make a big scene in front of his family. Now he refuses to even talk to me because he keeps putting the blame on me that I agreed to move in %26amp; that I complain too much, but I'm just really stressed because we are living in an UNFINISHED basement in ONE ROOM %26amp; we haven't been unable to unpack since we moved in because of no room. It's been 3 months %26amp; I've already suggested we move into an apartment, but he keeps saying I haven't given it a chance. Do you think I am being unreasonable or is my husband just being childish?Marriage Advice...?!?
lots of bad advice here given to you....except for Genuine.....hey I'm married with kids too and cannot imagine moving back in with my parents or my husbands' parents! Maybe you guys didn't think the whole situation through before you moved in, but yes, definately, it's obvious it's not working. I totally disagree that you should give it more time! BAD BAD BAD IDEA!!!! YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THERE. it will NOT get better!!!!!!
You deserve more help. He's not treating you like a partner. I know that when I go visit my parents I tend to act like a kid again, not like the adult I am. I think that's what's happening to your husband. Maybe he's expecting his mother to co-parent?! I don't know.
I agree you should move out with or without him, as scary as that sounds. Maybe you guys can get Grandma to watch the kids for a couple of hours and go out together, get a nice cheap dinner/drinks and re-connect, make some solid plans, get on the same page.
Having financial problems is the worst, and it's super hard on husbands. He needs to man up and take care of you and the kids emotionally as well. You sound very level-headed to me and mature.
Good luck sweetie.Marriage Advice...?!?
Tell him you are moving out at the end of the month, with or without him.
Just give it a little more time so that he can save. You don't want to move out then have to move right back in.
No, you are not being unreasonable.
Ask his parents for advice.
The lack of space and have the kids and his family around has put pressure on your marriage. Things you could do
* Sit down and talk to him, like your planning your lives together to get through this difficult time
* If he dosent listen, dont feel shy or bad to talk to his parents about what your going through
* Give him a list of things to do everyweek esp around the kids, get him involved and tell him that the kids depend on BOTH their parents
*Make a budget and set a time frame as to when you will be moving out and stick to your budget so you wont have to live in anyones basement anymore
* Make some fun/romantic couple time (he is probably going through the stress too but showing it in a different way)
Good luck...things will get better, what ever you ask, ask in a happy, pleasant way and your hubby will do it, men want to be treated with respect (and even though we do, they dont appreciate it but for now you get the help you need from him)
He is being childish, remind him of the fact that he has 3 kids, in fact you know what? You know what he is trying to do? He knows you won't make a scene in front of his family so he is taking advantage of that. Here is what you should do: get a job, take a class do something that will take you out of the house, after you have done that tell him that you are going to be out of the house during this time and hence cannot take care of the kids. (say this part in front of his family)
After you tell him this 2 things can occur: He gets the lesson and takes care of the kids and your problem is solved, second is that he ignores them and gives them to his parents, then you officially know your marriage has no chance.
Oh and you know what you need to improve on: Stop being a pushover, he is taking advantage of you. Don't be scared to make a scene, make big scene. This guy needs to learn to take responsibility this is not his teenage years, you are not his kid's nanny and you need to stop enabling this guy.
poor children! i have been always wondering - why poor people always have lots of children? because u do not have money for birth control? so have u ever heard of abstinence? i have no compassion for u or your husband, but those poor children - crawling in unfinished basement. do u know how damaging it is for them? and u arguing with your loser all the time? u either give your kids for adoption to some mentally normal and wealthy people who can provide normal life style for them or pull yourself together and do smth that your kids have normal life.
he is being childish. and he don't have respect
for you. its really hard to live with family even
if its just for a little while. it just don't work. there
is all ways going to be a problem. two family's
just cant live to gather. and on top of all that your
in a basement apartment with children. and know
where to put your things. and he is acting the way
he is. that's really hard and you have ever wright
in the world to be mad.natural instinct
lots of bad advice here given to you....except for Genuine.....hey I'm married with kids too and cannot imagine moving back in with my parents or my husbands' parents! Maybe you guys didn't think the whole situation through before you moved in, but yes, definately, it's obvious it's not working. I totally disagree that you should give it more time! BAD BAD BAD IDEA!!!! YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THERE. it will NOT get better!!!!!!
You deserve more help. He's not treating you like a partner. I know that when I go visit my parents I tend to act like a kid again, not like the adult I am. I think that's what's happening to your husband. Maybe he's expecting his mother to co-parent?! I don't know.
I agree you should move out with or without him, as scary as that sounds. Maybe you guys can get Grandma to watch the kids for a couple of hours and go out together, get a nice cheap dinner/drinks and re-connect, make some solid plans, get on the same page.
Having financial problems is the worst, and it's super hard on husbands. He needs to man up and take care of you and the kids emotionally as well. You sound very level-headed to me and mature.
Good luck sweetie.Marriage Advice...?!?
Tell him you are moving out at the end of the month, with or without him.
Just give it a little more time so that he can save. You don't want to move out then have to move right back in.
No, you are not being unreasonable.
Ask his parents for advice.
The lack of space and have the kids and his family around has put pressure on your marriage. Things you could do
* Sit down and talk to him, like your planning your lives together to get through this difficult time
* If he dosent listen, dont feel shy or bad to talk to his parents about what your going through
* Give him a list of things to do everyweek esp around the kids, get him involved and tell him that the kids depend on BOTH their parents
*Make a budget and set a time frame as to when you will be moving out and stick to your budget so you wont have to live in anyones basement anymore
* Make some fun/romantic couple time (he is probably going through the stress too but showing it in a different way)
Good luck...things will get better, what ever you ask, ask in a happy, pleasant way and your hubby will do it, men want to be treated with respect (and even though we do, they dont appreciate it but for now you get the help you need from him)
He is being childish, remind him of the fact that he has 3 kids, in fact you know what? You know what he is trying to do? He knows you won't make a scene in front of his family so he is taking advantage of that. Here is what you should do: get a job, take a class do something that will take you out of the house, after you have done that tell him that you are going to be out of the house during this time and hence cannot take care of the kids. (say this part in front of his family)
After you tell him this 2 things can occur: He gets the lesson and takes care of the kids and your problem is solved, second is that he ignores them and gives them to his parents, then you officially know your marriage has no chance.
Oh and you know what you need to improve on: Stop being a pushover, he is taking advantage of you. Don't be scared to make a scene, make big scene. This guy needs to learn to take responsibility this is not his teenage years, you are not his kid's nanny and you need to stop enabling this guy.
poor children! i have been always wondering - why poor people always have lots of children? because u do not have money for birth control? so have u ever heard of abstinence? i have no compassion for u or your husband, but those poor children - crawling in unfinished basement. do u know how damaging it is for them? and u arguing with your loser all the time? u either give your kids for adoption to some mentally normal and wealthy people who can provide normal life style for them or pull yourself together and do smth that your kids have normal life.
he is being childish. and he don't have respect
for you. its really hard to live with family even
if its just for a little while. it just don't work. there
is all ways going to be a problem. two family's
just cant live to gather. and on top of all that your
in a basement apartment with children. and know
where to put your things. and he is acting the way
he is. that's really hard and you have ever wright
in the world to be mad.
Marriage advice..?
i got married to my high school sweat heart after 2 yrs of long distance relationship we both love each other...but one day i was checking his mails and i found a mail where he had written to some escort service asking for rates...the date was like when we were in long distance relationship....when i confronted him abt the mail he said...he was curious...and he mailed to knwo how much they may ask and stuff...we fought a lot regarding that and he kept on explaining and i kept on building up suspicion...its been alomst 1 1/2 yrs and i still keep worrying...and he gets mad now if i ever bring up ane trust issues..he has been extremeley loving and he adores me and he puts up with me..he is a real sensitive guy.
but i keep wondering this.if by ane chance has he cheated on me while we were having long distance relation..?i know he has used lots of porn and stuff..?
what would u gals think ?if he has cheated then would u break up ur marriage now?or u forget the whole thing %26amp;focus on presentMarriage advice..?
Wow, you must be really bored to be festering on this after all this time. NO...if he cheated on me during the long distance relationship I would not break up with him. It's what he's been doing the last 1 1/2 years that would matter to me. Let it go so you can be happy with your life RIGHT NOW.Marriage advice..?
I think you should listen to your gut instinct. It's telling you something. You need to get your husband to go to marraige couseling so you and he can work on your issues. The trust issue will not go away by itself. You shouldn't give up on your marraige because of this, try couseling and see if it can help first. If he won't go, go alone. Good luck !!
Thats a tough question, 1st you have to look at it like, if you can spend the rest of you life with him even if you might have thought he cheated (i sort of feel this same way with my fiance but different scenario), but you can't keep bringing it up if you want the relationship to move forward, if you can't stop bringing it up, it will make it worse. You will get bitter and you will start hating him. If you can just concentrate in the future and see where that leads and then he does that again, then you break it off, at least you are giving him your heart, thats the way i look at it.
Don't let petty suspicions ruin your marriage.Accept his explanation and try to put that episode at the back of your mind. That was a one time case which does not really necessitate bringing in the artillery.Men often use porn and stuff to get off...look at the internet, this place is crowded with men trying to stay sexually aroused. If he has cheated while you were in a long distance relationship...(which i don't think he did given the circumstantial evidence that you gave) then let it be. However, leave the past behind.From this time on, there will never be any long distance relationship for you, that is what you should tell yourself.
In relationships, sometimes it helps to have a fair amount of paranoia. But don't let it ruin you, my friend.Instead try to be what your husbands wants you to be. Maybe that is what's missing too. Wives in order for husbands to refrain from looking the other way should try to assume the many roles that a man needs...like being a mother, a sister, a friend, a whore(so he won't have time to find one as he has the perfect whore waiting for him at home), a confidante etc. at the same time so he won't have any reason to look the other way. I remember giving this same advise to a good friend of mine...a year later I visited the couple and boy, they we're really hot for each other. When I asked my friend how she did it all, she showed me her secret wardrobe. An array of sexy outfits...a sheer Geisha attire; a short french maid's uniform; a see through ballerina outfit...and a whole lot more. This is one hell of an expense to maintain a relationship but for some women, we go to the extremes just to keep the love of our life.
You could do this if you're comfortable or you could watch porn with him which is much better. But don't fight with him over a sexual vanity. Men are mostly made that way with their hearts hanging between their legs(the other one purely for pumping blood)..see their balls?... doen't it look to you like a smaller version of the heart...(just kidding as an afterthought)
Accept him or divorce him.
Just because he may have checked out some porno or got curious about a web sight doesn't mean he did or would cheat on you.
If he is such a good guy and shows you the love you need then hang in there and try to let the past go.
you are ruining your life, why are you so sensitive about something in past while he is loving you now.
you are making mistake, during high school boys are very curious about everything regarding sex and you should not blame him for that, i understand from your story that he is pretty good guy
but i keep wondering this.if by ane chance has he cheated on me while we were having long distance relation..?i know he has used lots of porn and stuff..?
what would u gals think ?if he has cheated then would u break up ur marriage now?or u forget the whole thing %26amp;focus on presentMarriage advice..?
Wow, you must be really bored to be festering on this after all this time. NO...if he cheated on me during the long distance relationship I would not break up with him. It's what he's been doing the last 1 1/2 years that would matter to me. Let it go so you can be happy with your life RIGHT NOW.Marriage advice..?
I think you should listen to your gut instinct. It's telling you something. You need to get your husband to go to marraige couseling so you and he can work on your issues. The trust issue will not go away by itself. You shouldn't give up on your marraige because of this, try couseling and see if it can help first. If he won't go, go alone. Good luck !!
Thats a tough question, 1st you have to look at it like, if you can spend the rest of you life with him even if you might have thought he cheated (i sort of feel this same way with my fiance but different scenario), but you can't keep bringing it up if you want the relationship to move forward, if you can't stop bringing it up, it will make it worse. You will get bitter and you will start hating him. If you can just concentrate in the future and see where that leads and then he does that again, then you break it off, at least you are giving him your heart, thats the way i look at it.
Don't let petty suspicions ruin your marriage.Accept his explanation and try to put that episode at the back of your mind. That was a one time case which does not really necessitate bringing in the artillery.Men often use porn and stuff to get off...look at the internet, this place is crowded with men trying to stay sexually aroused. If he has cheated while you were in a long distance relationship...(which i don't think he did given the circumstantial evidence that you gave) then let it be. However, leave the past behind.From this time on, there will never be any long distance relationship for you, that is what you should tell yourself.
In relationships, sometimes it helps to have a fair amount of paranoia. But don't let it ruin you, my friend.Instead try to be what your husbands wants you to be. Maybe that is what's missing too. Wives in order for husbands to refrain from looking the other way should try to assume the many roles that a man needs...like being a mother, a sister, a friend, a whore(so he won't have time to find one as he has the perfect whore waiting for him at home), a confidante etc. at the same time so he won't have any reason to look the other way. I remember giving this same advise to a good friend of mine...a year later I visited the couple and boy, they we're really hot for each other. When I asked my friend how she did it all, she showed me her secret wardrobe. An array of sexy outfits...a sheer Geisha attire; a short french maid's uniform; a see through ballerina outfit...and a whole lot more. This is one hell of an expense to maintain a relationship but for some women, we go to the extremes just to keep the love of our life.
You could do this if you're comfortable or you could watch porn with him which is much better. But don't fight with him over a sexual vanity. Men are mostly made that way with their hearts hanging between their legs(the other one purely for pumping blood)..see their balls?... doen't it look to you like a smaller version of the heart...(just kidding as an afterthought)
Accept him or divorce him.
Just because he may have checked out some porno or got curious about a web sight doesn't mean he did or would cheat on you.
If he is such a good guy and shows you the love you need then hang in there and try to let the past go.
you are ruining your life, why are you so sensitive about something in past while he is loving you now.
you are making mistake, during high school boys are very curious about everything regarding sex and you should not blame him for that, i understand from your story that he is pretty good guy
Marriage advice!?
How can a young couple keep a marriage going strong?
(im 17, hes 19,baby on the way)Marriage advice!?
well no one can give u a really good answer for this but all i can say is that i fell in love when i was 20 to a 19 year old and we got married and at the age of 27 now we are still married and have 2 children and another on the way and we are very much as happy as we was then but u do have your ups and downs but i think if u found the right person and u know what there like then it should not be so hard but don't do all the experiment too early passe your self and be spontaneous and understanding. hope that helpsMarriage advice!?
I also started dating my now husband when I was 17. He was 22 at the time. And we've been together ever since (8 yrs and have two children). Marriage can be hard and is a lot of work but it's definitely possible to have a happy, healthy, strong marriage if you both work at it and try. I think that communication is an very important key to having a good marriage so try your best not to lose that with your husband. Also honesty and respect play big roles too. There are lots of things that go into making a good marriage and it's kinda hard to put it all into a list lol! Plus, somethings you are just going to have to find out and experience on your own. Congrats on the baby and I wish you two the best of luck!!
Always talk about things, always be respectful of each others feelings, take time to give each other a break from time to time, don't forget baby sitters because they are life savers once every couple or few weeks.
It is not unrealistic to believe that you can keep your marriage strong...but the odds are against you....People who marry very young have a higher divorce rate.
You want marriage advice when you could not take your own parents advice about not having sex to begin with.
Being honest about your feelings even when you don't want to, being able to objectively listen to your partners advice without forming what you will say back in your mind, tact, knowing that nothing is ever 50/50 - sometimes it will be 10/90, having time for yourself, having time for each other.
if you have problem, talk to each other about it. when you speak to each other, be respectful of the others' opinion. when you have an arguement, don't yell. always show that you respect, and love each other. don't ever use the word divorce in an arguement.
Birth control would have been a good start, but you can expect it not to last, you haven't even lived yet!! wait until he turns 21 and can hit the bars. my advice is to stash some $$ back for when the storm hits. unfortunately it is inevitable!
Why was a minor allowed to have sexual relationship with an adult to begin with? If I were your parents your ';husband'; would be in jail right now. I don't see this marriage lasting much longer anyway...
Be honest with each other, and work to bring out the best from the other.
Be attached but separate - don't let your identity get wrapped up in his, nor his in yours.
Have many interests together, but have lives of your own, too.
Always, always, always work through what's bothering you; do NOT just ';whatEVER'; it away. If it bothers you, talk about it.
Set long and short term goals, and work to accomplish them together.
Remember that you can't read his mind, nor he yours.
Learn to accept him just as he is - you can't change anyone else, only yourself.
Well, those are a few, anyway.
(im 17, hes 19,baby on the way)Marriage advice!?
well no one can give u a really good answer for this but all i can say is that i fell in love when i was 20 to a 19 year old and we got married and at the age of 27 now we are still married and have 2 children and another on the way and we are very much as happy as we was then but u do have your ups and downs but i think if u found the right person and u know what there like then it should not be so hard but don't do all the experiment too early passe your self and be spontaneous and understanding. hope that helpsMarriage advice!?
I also started dating my now husband when I was 17. He was 22 at the time. And we've been together ever since (8 yrs and have two children). Marriage can be hard and is a lot of work but it's definitely possible to have a happy, healthy, strong marriage if you both work at it and try. I think that communication is an very important key to having a good marriage so try your best not to lose that with your husband. Also honesty and respect play big roles too. There are lots of things that go into making a good marriage and it's kinda hard to put it all into a list lol! Plus, somethings you are just going to have to find out and experience on your own. Congrats on the baby and I wish you two the best of luck!!
Always talk about things, always be respectful of each others feelings, take time to give each other a break from time to time, don't forget baby sitters because they are life savers once every couple or few weeks.
It is not unrealistic to believe that you can keep your marriage strong...but the odds are against you....People who marry very young have a higher divorce rate.
You want marriage advice when you could not take your own parents advice about not having sex to begin with.
Being honest about your feelings even when you don't want to, being able to objectively listen to your partners advice without forming what you will say back in your mind, tact, knowing that nothing is ever 50/50 - sometimes it will be 10/90, having time for yourself, having time for each other.
if you have problem, talk to each other about it. when you speak to each other, be respectful of the others' opinion. when you have an arguement, don't yell. always show that you respect, and love each other. don't ever use the word divorce in an arguement.
Birth control would have been a good start, but you can expect it not to last, you haven't even lived yet!! wait until he turns 21 and can hit the bars. my advice is to stash some $$ back for when the storm hits. unfortunately it is inevitable!
Why was a minor allowed to have sexual relationship with an adult to begin with? If I were your parents your ';husband'; would be in jail right now. I don't see this marriage lasting much longer anyway...
Be honest with each other, and work to bring out the best from the other.
Be attached but separate - don't let your identity get wrapped up in his, nor his in yours.
Have many interests together, but have lives of your own, too.
Always, always, always work through what's bothering you; do NOT just ';whatEVER'; it away. If it bothers you, talk about it.
Set long and short term goals, and work to accomplish them together.
Remember that you can't read his mind, nor he yours.
Learn to accept him just as he is - you can't change anyone else, only yourself.
Well, those are a few, anyway.
Marriage advice?
Getting married in a week, what's some good advice for us? :-)Marriage advice?
always comunicate and don't hide things
let each other know what bothers you when something doesMarriage advice?
No secrets!
My advice to you would that marriage is like a fruit salad. There are things that you need to have. Trust is the bowl, love is the color, compromise is the flavor, Understanding is the essence, communication is the mix and sex is the juices. This is the way to go when you are married.
Talk and be open about every thing from sex to thing you do not like to things you love and wont more of. when you fight try not to runway try to compromise and remember your and him will change alot over the next 60 years try your best to keep up with each other. best of luck
CD
never stop kissing, holding hands, talking, being friends, don't go to bed angry if you can. And after children come be best friend even before the children, you will love them with your whole heart but remember when they are grown, it will still be the two of you.
don't go to bed mad! that is what my wife and I said we would never do, even if you have to stay up all night and fight it out, and so far it has worked for 18 years! and making up is always fun too!!
RUN!!!
Love, trust and honesty.
Don't have kids unless you are absolutely sure you both are in love! I didn't have any in my first marriage because I didn't think our ';jean pool'; was great...there was a high risk of having a kid with birth defects. Now I'm remarried and I'm raising someone else's dream. Their Mom hardy wants to see them so I'm more of their Mom, yet she tells them not to listen to me since I'm not their birth mother. She has their heads all screwed up. These kids were conseived because they thought a baby could ';fix'; their marriage....bring more love into the home. Surprise....instead they had twins and were divorced 2 years later.
I think you need to talk about if you really want to have kids. How the baby is being taken care of is one of the big reasons couples divorce. That and money. Make sure you are the same type of spender. My husband like to say he is conservative, yet when you look at the bank statement it says Lowes, Lowes, Lowes, Lowes. He almost lives there. I just let him go, because we aren't in financial trouble, but if were were...his spending is much different than mine.
I wish you so much happiness!
Make sure you have been to premarital counseling. We did this at our church, and it was very beneficial for both of us. Our pastor made sure we knew what we were getting into, by making us talk about certain things that are a huge point of contention in most marriages. Congratulations, and God's blessings to you.
Never take each other for granted!
Always let ';I Love You'; be the last thing you say to each other. You never know what may happen you dont want to have any regrets. Thats my biggest regret not saying I love you now it's too late he's gone.
NEVER go to bed angry with each other. Get it all worked out before you get into bed. That way you can wake up refreshed and happy all of the time.
Communication is key. Always discuss things. The longer you let something brew, the worse the fight will be at the end.
Always talk thing over. Make decisions together, pay your bills together. Don't let in laws interfere with you decisions. When you have kids make all decisions about what they do together. Good Luck
always comunicate and don't hide things
let each other know what bothers you when something doesMarriage advice?
No secrets!
My advice to you would that marriage is like a fruit salad. There are things that you need to have. Trust is the bowl, love is the color, compromise is the flavor, Understanding is the essence, communication is the mix and sex is the juices. This is the way to go when you are married.
Talk and be open about every thing from sex to thing you do not like to things you love and wont more of. when you fight try not to runway try to compromise and remember your and him will change alot over the next 60 years try your best to keep up with each other. best of luck
CD
never stop kissing, holding hands, talking, being friends, don't go to bed angry if you can. And after children come be best friend even before the children, you will love them with your whole heart but remember when they are grown, it will still be the two of you.
don't go to bed mad! that is what my wife and I said we would never do, even if you have to stay up all night and fight it out, and so far it has worked for 18 years! and making up is always fun too!!
RUN!!!
Love, trust and honesty.
Don't have kids unless you are absolutely sure you both are in love! I didn't have any in my first marriage because I didn't think our ';jean pool'; was great...there was a high risk of having a kid with birth defects. Now I'm remarried and I'm raising someone else's dream. Their Mom hardy wants to see them so I'm more of their Mom, yet she tells them not to listen to me since I'm not their birth mother. She has their heads all screwed up. These kids were conseived because they thought a baby could ';fix'; their marriage....bring more love into the home. Surprise....instead they had twins and were divorced 2 years later.
I think you need to talk about if you really want to have kids. How the baby is being taken care of is one of the big reasons couples divorce. That and money. Make sure you are the same type of spender. My husband like to say he is conservative, yet when you look at the bank statement it says Lowes, Lowes, Lowes, Lowes. He almost lives there. I just let him go, because we aren't in financial trouble, but if were were...his spending is much different than mine.
I wish you so much happiness!
Make sure you have been to premarital counseling. We did this at our church, and it was very beneficial for both of us. Our pastor made sure we knew what we were getting into, by making us talk about certain things that are a huge point of contention in most marriages. Congratulations, and God's blessings to you.
Never take each other for granted!
Always let ';I Love You'; be the last thing you say to each other. You never know what may happen you dont want to have any regrets. Thats my biggest regret not saying I love you now it's too late he's gone.
NEVER go to bed angry with each other. Get it all worked out before you get into bed. That way you can wake up refreshed and happy all of the time.
Communication is key. Always discuss things. The longer you let something brew, the worse the fight will be at the end.
Always talk thing over. Make decisions together, pay your bills together. Don't let in laws interfere with you decisions. When you have kids make all decisions about what they do together. Good Luck
Marriage Advice.?
Okay i have been married for 3 years. I love my husband and we have a beautiful 10 month old daughter together. We both graduated from high school and i am continuing my education. I got married at 18 years old and now i feel like i missed out on something. I am only 21 but i feel like an old person. My husband wants to go out every once and a while and I feel like i am being a bad person if i every go out. I have only been away from my daughter for 3 nights since the day she was born and that was because i was in the hospital with pneumonia why do i feel so bad for wanting to be with her all the time and yet i want to go out but i am scared to let anyone care for her. And my werid guilty feelings are putting strain on me and my husbands relationship. He says i dont spend any time with him how do i balance out the wife/mother relationships.
P.S. I got married at 18 cause me and my husband had been dating 2 years and he was leaving for iraq.Marriage Advice.?
Luckily you are completely normal. While you married young, what you are feeling happens at any age. I never could leave my daughters, I felt terrible. However if I can share some observations. Your relationship with your husband has never had a chance to fully develope. His being deployed was not a reason to marry, but alot of kids do just that. Having a baby just added to a situation where you guys were naturally maturing and now you are finding you are moving apart. You can fix this. You have to look at your child realistically. Yes you love her, but you spend plenty of time with her, and the few hours that you and your husband have together is not going to harm her in any way. The place to start for a babysitter is with family, or the daughter of a friend. If you can't find anyone that way, then call your local Jr. High and High School and talk to a counselor there about seeking a reliable babysitter. Asking friends who also have kids is a good way to find someone reliable. Once you have a sitter, then you get back into date mode with your husband.
You are going to be with this man all your life, way past the point where your kids grow up and go away (which is supposed to be the goal). You need to give up some of the other things, or find a way to do them differently and focus on him. If you cannot or will not find a babysitter, then your child needs to be fed and in bed by 8pm and then you have a date. If you have already had a family dinner, then its time for candles, music and dessert. Watch a movie together, take a bath together, give a massage. Play a game, read a book, cuddle and talk. Do not talk about the baby.
If you want to save your marriage and your sanity, you need to get your priorities straight. Yes your child is the most needy person in your life probably right now, but if you don't address your husbands needs and your needs then you will find yourself without a husband and without a marriage. Then you won't have any time for yourself or your child.
Good luck, and realize that this stuff doesn't come naturally, sometimes another mom has to tell you.Marriage Advice.?
This is normal. I did not want to leave my first born with anyone other than her grandparents and even then, it wasn't for long or very often.
Try to get your family or a close friend to babysit once a month so you and your husband can have a date night. It is important to keep a strong relationship with your husband. You will find a good balance between wife and mother.
You should make every effort to go out with hubby every once and awhile. Find a trusted family member or friend to babysit. Too often a couple will put ALL the energy and time with their children and forget about each other. When the kids are finally raised and on their own the couple will look at each other as if they are strangers. They grew apart and the intimacy is gone. Next thing you know they are headed for the divorce court.
Find a sitter you trust and relax a little. Your marriage is just as important to your daughters future! Do you want her to grow up in a loving home with happy, well adjusted parents? Go out. Have some fun. It's good for you to have some adult time away from the baby. You'll be a better mother for it. It might be hard at first but we live in the age of cell phones (something I didn't have when I was going through the same thing) The babysitter is just a phone call away. Having a strong happy marriage is important. If your husband becomes resentful that you don't spend enough time together it will cause other problems. Go have some fun!
I understand your not wanting to leave your daughter. If you have other family that would be willing to babysit, it would be ideal. Surely someone can help ..you need to start leaving her for short periods until you can be satisfied she is safe to leave longer.
Hubby is right...you need to spend quality time with him too. If you neglect him you will lose him.
You also need some space for yourself....don't feel guilty. Both you and baby will benefit from a short break from each other. You will be surprised how refreshed you feel. Good luck!
You took on a major responsibility way too young. WHY? You teenagers want to be adults with a husband and a family way before you should, but whatever you did it. Now this is your life. You can't go out anymore and neither should he! Payback is gonna be a ********* in the going out and having a good time department.
You both should have known this, before you married and pregnant. All you BOTH should be doing right now is taking care of that baby and enjoying each other in your home.
If you could get a babysitter who you could trust once and a while, that's fine, but DO NOT LET HIM GO OUT AND PARTY WHEN HE CHOSE THIS RESPONSIBILITY TOO. He should be taking care of the baby just as you are. Believe me, before you know it, it's gonna start looking like alot more fun out there and that could ruin the marriage.
Don't worry about showing him a good time, he should be worried about helping you with his new child and making the two fo you happy. Don't let him be selfish!
It's obvious that you love your daughter very much, but you will be doing your daughter a favor by taking a break and going out with your husband. Get all dressed up, get a new outfit, pedicure, look forward to your night. Find a babysitter that you trust that will make it a fun night for your child. That way, you know your daughter is having fun and is well cared for. Your daughter will be fine. While out with your husband, try not to mention your daughter, just concentrate on him. Don't feel guilty, just remember that you are doing something good for your marriage and your daughter by having fun with your husband alone. Try to have a date night once a week, it will give you something to look forward to and break the monotony of your daily routine. Soon you will be looking forward to your night. Good luck.:)
Your daughter does need you alot now. But part of the well-being for your child is to have both of her parents there for her and to be in a healthy, happy environment. A strong, stabile marriage is a big part of that. Taking time for yourself and your marriage is going to show everyone involved (including you) that there can be a happy balance. Not only will your daughter learn to be more independent, but your husband will feel more appreciated and loved. AND you can finally stop feeling guilty about everything and enjoy the time you have with your daughter and husband. Good Luck!
You are definitely correct in wanting to stay close to your child. However, some space is needed at times. You will need to devise a way to spend more time with your husband and in doing so, find a very good environment for the child while you are gone. There is such a thing as being too possessive over your child and this is unhealthy for the both of you. You are (in a sense) growing up with your child and what you are doing is understandable to a point. The best advice that I'm able to give you is to get a babysitter maybe once a week for a few hours and spend some quality time with the hubby. Your husband is feeling a little rejected as your child is demanding so much of your time. Relax a little. It will do wonders for you AND your husband. Just my opinion.
Feeling bad about leaving you child is called being a good mother. there are to many mothers out there that dump their kids on other people to party. You don't want to be one of those people! It's okay to go out every once in a while . Just leave your daughter with a responsible adult you trust. Everyone want's to relive their glory days or in your case make them but at what expense.If your husband goes out more than you would like him to than tell him if he did'nt go out as much you could spend more time together. Hope this helps good luck!
P.S. I got married at 18 cause me and my husband had been dating 2 years and he was leaving for iraq.Marriage Advice.?
Luckily you are completely normal. While you married young, what you are feeling happens at any age. I never could leave my daughters, I felt terrible. However if I can share some observations. Your relationship with your husband has never had a chance to fully develope. His being deployed was not a reason to marry, but alot of kids do just that. Having a baby just added to a situation where you guys were naturally maturing and now you are finding you are moving apart. You can fix this. You have to look at your child realistically. Yes you love her, but you spend plenty of time with her, and the few hours that you and your husband have together is not going to harm her in any way. The place to start for a babysitter is with family, or the daughter of a friend. If you can't find anyone that way, then call your local Jr. High and High School and talk to a counselor there about seeking a reliable babysitter. Asking friends who also have kids is a good way to find someone reliable. Once you have a sitter, then you get back into date mode with your husband.
You are going to be with this man all your life, way past the point where your kids grow up and go away (which is supposed to be the goal). You need to give up some of the other things, or find a way to do them differently and focus on him. If you cannot or will not find a babysitter, then your child needs to be fed and in bed by 8pm and then you have a date. If you have already had a family dinner, then its time for candles, music and dessert. Watch a movie together, take a bath together, give a massage. Play a game, read a book, cuddle and talk. Do not talk about the baby.
If you want to save your marriage and your sanity, you need to get your priorities straight. Yes your child is the most needy person in your life probably right now, but if you don't address your husbands needs and your needs then you will find yourself without a husband and without a marriage. Then you won't have any time for yourself or your child.
Good luck, and realize that this stuff doesn't come naturally, sometimes another mom has to tell you.Marriage Advice.?
This is normal. I did not want to leave my first born with anyone other than her grandparents and even then, it wasn't for long or very often.
Try to get your family or a close friend to babysit once a month so you and your husband can have a date night. It is important to keep a strong relationship with your husband. You will find a good balance between wife and mother.
You should make every effort to go out with hubby every once and awhile. Find a trusted family member or friend to babysit. Too often a couple will put ALL the energy and time with their children and forget about each other. When the kids are finally raised and on their own the couple will look at each other as if they are strangers. They grew apart and the intimacy is gone. Next thing you know they are headed for the divorce court.
Find a sitter you trust and relax a little. Your marriage is just as important to your daughters future! Do you want her to grow up in a loving home with happy, well adjusted parents? Go out. Have some fun. It's good for you to have some adult time away from the baby. You'll be a better mother for it. It might be hard at first but we live in the age of cell phones (something I didn't have when I was going through the same thing) The babysitter is just a phone call away. Having a strong happy marriage is important. If your husband becomes resentful that you don't spend enough time together it will cause other problems. Go have some fun!
I understand your not wanting to leave your daughter. If you have other family that would be willing to babysit, it would be ideal. Surely someone can help ..you need to start leaving her for short periods until you can be satisfied she is safe to leave longer.
Hubby is right...you need to spend quality time with him too. If you neglect him you will lose him.
You also need some space for yourself....don't feel guilty. Both you and baby will benefit from a short break from each other. You will be surprised how refreshed you feel. Good luck!
You took on a major responsibility way too young. WHY? You teenagers want to be adults with a husband and a family way before you should, but whatever you did it. Now this is your life. You can't go out anymore and neither should he! Payback is gonna be a ********* in the going out and having a good time department.
You both should have known this, before you married and pregnant. All you BOTH should be doing right now is taking care of that baby and enjoying each other in your home.
If you could get a babysitter who you could trust once and a while, that's fine, but DO NOT LET HIM GO OUT AND PARTY WHEN HE CHOSE THIS RESPONSIBILITY TOO. He should be taking care of the baby just as you are. Believe me, before you know it, it's gonna start looking like alot more fun out there and that could ruin the marriage.
Don't worry about showing him a good time, he should be worried about helping you with his new child and making the two fo you happy. Don't let him be selfish!
It's obvious that you love your daughter very much, but you will be doing your daughter a favor by taking a break and going out with your husband. Get all dressed up, get a new outfit, pedicure, look forward to your night. Find a babysitter that you trust that will make it a fun night for your child. That way, you know your daughter is having fun and is well cared for. Your daughter will be fine. While out with your husband, try not to mention your daughter, just concentrate on him. Don't feel guilty, just remember that you are doing something good for your marriage and your daughter by having fun with your husband alone. Try to have a date night once a week, it will give you something to look forward to and break the monotony of your daily routine. Soon you will be looking forward to your night. Good luck.:)
Your daughter does need you alot now. But part of the well-being for your child is to have both of her parents there for her and to be in a healthy, happy environment. A strong, stabile marriage is a big part of that. Taking time for yourself and your marriage is going to show everyone involved (including you) that there can be a happy balance. Not only will your daughter learn to be more independent, but your husband will feel more appreciated and loved. AND you can finally stop feeling guilty about everything and enjoy the time you have with your daughter and husband. Good Luck!
You are definitely correct in wanting to stay close to your child. However, some space is needed at times. You will need to devise a way to spend more time with your husband and in doing so, find a very good environment for the child while you are gone. There is such a thing as being too possessive over your child and this is unhealthy for the both of you. You are (in a sense) growing up with your child and what you are doing is understandable to a point. The best advice that I'm able to give you is to get a babysitter maybe once a week for a few hours and spend some quality time with the hubby. Your husband is feeling a little rejected as your child is demanding so much of your time. Relax a little. It will do wonders for you AND your husband. Just my opinion.
Feeling bad about leaving you child is called being a good mother. there are to many mothers out there that dump their kids on other people to party. You don't want to be one of those people! It's okay to go out every once in a while . Just leave your daughter with a responsible adult you trust. Everyone want's to relive their glory days or in your case make them but at what expense.If your husband goes out more than you would like him to than tell him if he did'nt go out as much you could spend more time together. Hope this helps good luck!
Friends and marriages...please help me with good advice..?
I am in a complicated situation..I am having my best friend get me pregnant so that I can be a mother. We have worked out all the details and his fiance knows of this arranged ';issue'; now that they are getting married and they both agree with this, if for some reason I am not pregnant by the time they are married, should I still sleep with him or should we stop? He doesnt have a issue with it but i think i might. What should I do?Friends and marriages...please help me with good advice..?
well explaining that you are in a long term relationship with a girl..it changes things a bit. If you guys have done this before then them getting married and wanting to help you and your partner achieve this goal of motherhood is up to you and them. I think that you should ask them if it is ok if after they are married if he can still help you..after all if you cant trust your best friend who can you trust? Good luck i am for it You are not disgusting or thinking of yourself. it is physically impossible for you and you love to have a baby so more power to you and more power to them for being so accepting and willing to help someone become a mother it is a wonderful thing. I dont think you are thinking of yourself at all.Friends and marriages...please help me with good advice..?
There is such a thing as artificial insemination.
You're a freak and should be sterilized. STOP HAVING CHILDREN OUT OF WEDLOCK!!! Kids should have the chance to have a mother AND father. You're just being selfish - thinking of yourself and not the better interest of your baby.
Wait until you find someone, then have kids. If you don't find someone, that's too damn bad. You want to take care of your kid? Start now by not having it.
Do you really want this guy as your kids father? Just wait until you find your own man. Whats the rush bringing a baby into a circumstance like that? Think about it, if your doing something like what your saying, You DON'T deserve a child.
honestly I don't think you should have children. you choose to be in a relationship with a woman, so you gave up your rights to be a mother. Why should a child have to come up confused because you choose to get your private area eaten out by a woman? Children don't deserve that, because he or she is going to come out confused... Growing up seeing mommy kiss another girl but learning that babies are made by a man and a woman.. IF you want to have children be with a man and stop using them for there sperm.. I don't have a problem with people who choose to be gay. I have an issue when you try to cross lives... Live on one side of the fence... Stop trying to combine the two...
why do you think a man would have a problem having sex with another woman no strings attached? He wouldn't ! but anyway I can't see why you would continue once he is married, I can't see why you doing this is the first place. It is too personal and we are only human there are automatically going to be some ill feelings towards the situation in the long run. I think that you are making a very big mistake and playing with fire. try another method like your own husband.
There's going to be a lot of hurt feelings, use artificial insemination or get pregnant the regular way with someone else. Do you have all this in legal writing?
You are asking for trouble, why bring a little baby in the world in a situation like that? He is getting married, don't you think he or she may sue one day for custody? My advice is find someone who has no ties to anyone, and why cant you just wait to have a child with someone you really love and are compatible with? Really strange question you are asking. It won't work the way you guys plan on doing this, never sleep with a best friend it ruins everything, trust etc..
If they get married no do not sleep with him, you would be disrespecting his wife and it could cause his relationship problems..
Are you insane? There are other ways to get pregnant and have a child. Don't use your friend, and especially if he's getting married to someone else..UUGGHHH!
In this day and age you do not have to sleep with someone to have their child. If you love your friend and respect that he is getting married you should understand how his fiance feels. I think if I were in her shoes I would feel threatened as well. If hes just a friend you should not sleep with him it only complicates things. Get artificially inseminated.
Having sex with him will changes everything. Don't do it. Nothing will be the same after you make love with him, after his married. If you need to be a mother, get your own husband and be pregnant by your husband's sperm. It'll lawfully, gracefully and godfully. To have a baby is a different thing from to have a life with a baby. Think twice.
Rather than having sex with him, try artificial insemination. He donates his sperm to you, and it gets implanted. I don't think it's a good idea to have sex with him, especially after he's married.
There are other ways to get pregnant besides actually having sex with the guy. Maybe you should explore some of those options. You don't want to become a issue in their marriage later. It does seem inappropriate.
Talk to the fiance about it.
You can save a lot of hassle by opting for IUI (Intra Uterine Implant) or IVF (In Vitro Fertilisation) - that way you will never have to sleep with him or for that matter, feel guilty either.
If you are not comfortable sleeping with him AFTER the wedding, then you shouldn't do it. He can father a child for you without actually having sex, it's just more difficult.
I wish you luck--you sound like your head's on straight %26amp; you'll be a good Mommy!
No you should not sleep with him at all. This is just sick and wrong. wait till marriage to get pregnant and have a baby with your husband.
Get out of the whole situation now.You are being extremely selfish and only thinking of your wants.The child you have deserves to start out life with it's own father and mother in a commitment towards each other.Sooner or later the relationship between the three of you will be troubled and where then will the child be? in the middle of situations caused by the very adults that are suppose to protect them .If you want to have a child and can't seem to find a man of your own then perhaps you should wait until the Creator sends you a child without the complications of hurting others.If you do go ahead and have a child without a relationship,then don't use your friend and put his future marriage in jeopardy.
No!!!!!!!
you should not sleep with him!
Can you find a partner other than your friend? And ,wont you want a family of your own? Maybe if you ask yourself these questions ,you might come up with an answer!
why dont you get pregnant on your own are you lesbian well i dont see any problem with it just seems strange
You shouldn't be having sex with him at all. He can donate sperm.
dont sleep wz him after they r married.
I think you already have the answer. The fact that you are doubting and having reservations about the situation is a bad sign, I think you know you should not be sleeping with a married man, best friend or not, it is a slippery slope. I would look into going to a sperm bank and/or other options.
You are going to have a baby with this friend, a friend who has no ties to you other than friendship. He's not family, he's planning on marrying someone else, he could WALK AWAY at any time. You are not even beginning to think of the baby, you are being SELFISH and thinking only of yourself. You want a baby....what about this child, doesn't this child deserve some type of committment from a mom and a dad? To knowingly plan to bring a baby in the world just because you want one, without any thought to how this will affect the baby is just unbelievably selfish to me. When that child reaches the age of 5 and starts asking deep questions, you will have very lame answers. When all the other kids in school talk about mommy and daddy....it will be difficult. BUT YOU DON'T CARE, you just brush it aside. AND, what happens if your best friend ends up having kids with his fiance/wife. You don't think she's going to start having problems with this whole situations, feeling protective of her own kids. It's a mess waiting to happen. I think you are being very foolish....and I'm sorry you lost your first baby, I know that pain firsthand, but I think you are doing this for all THE WRONG REASONS.
This is a recipe for disaster....what lawyer have you consulted....better yet....what lawyer has HE consulted? Does he realize he is financially responsible for this child-to-be until the age of 18???? Doesn't sound like it.eye creams
well explaining that you are in a long term relationship with a girl..it changes things a bit. If you guys have done this before then them getting married and wanting to help you and your partner achieve this goal of motherhood is up to you and them. I think that you should ask them if it is ok if after they are married if he can still help you..after all if you cant trust your best friend who can you trust? Good luck i am for it You are not disgusting or thinking of yourself. it is physically impossible for you and you love to have a baby so more power to you and more power to them for being so accepting and willing to help someone become a mother it is a wonderful thing. I dont think you are thinking of yourself at all.Friends and marriages...please help me with good advice..?
There is such a thing as artificial insemination.
You're a freak and should be sterilized. STOP HAVING CHILDREN OUT OF WEDLOCK!!! Kids should have the chance to have a mother AND father. You're just being selfish - thinking of yourself and not the better interest of your baby.
Wait until you find someone, then have kids. If you don't find someone, that's too damn bad. You want to take care of your kid? Start now by not having it.
Do you really want this guy as your kids father? Just wait until you find your own man. Whats the rush bringing a baby into a circumstance like that? Think about it, if your doing something like what your saying, You DON'T deserve a child.
honestly I don't think you should have children. you choose to be in a relationship with a woman, so you gave up your rights to be a mother. Why should a child have to come up confused because you choose to get your private area eaten out by a woman? Children don't deserve that, because he or she is going to come out confused... Growing up seeing mommy kiss another girl but learning that babies are made by a man and a woman.. IF you want to have children be with a man and stop using them for there sperm.. I don't have a problem with people who choose to be gay. I have an issue when you try to cross lives... Live on one side of the fence... Stop trying to combine the two...
why do you think a man would have a problem having sex with another woman no strings attached? He wouldn't ! but anyway I can't see why you would continue once he is married, I can't see why you doing this is the first place. It is too personal and we are only human there are automatically going to be some ill feelings towards the situation in the long run. I think that you are making a very big mistake and playing with fire. try another method like your own husband.
There's going to be a lot of hurt feelings, use artificial insemination or get pregnant the regular way with someone else. Do you have all this in legal writing?
You are asking for trouble, why bring a little baby in the world in a situation like that? He is getting married, don't you think he or she may sue one day for custody? My advice is find someone who has no ties to anyone, and why cant you just wait to have a child with someone you really love and are compatible with? Really strange question you are asking. It won't work the way you guys plan on doing this, never sleep with a best friend it ruins everything, trust etc..
If they get married no do not sleep with him, you would be disrespecting his wife and it could cause his relationship problems..
Are you insane? There are other ways to get pregnant and have a child. Don't use your friend, and especially if he's getting married to someone else..UUGGHHH!
In this day and age you do not have to sleep with someone to have their child. If you love your friend and respect that he is getting married you should understand how his fiance feels. I think if I were in her shoes I would feel threatened as well. If hes just a friend you should not sleep with him it only complicates things. Get artificially inseminated.
Having sex with him will changes everything. Don't do it. Nothing will be the same after you make love with him, after his married. If you need to be a mother, get your own husband and be pregnant by your husband's sperm. It'll lawfully, gracefully and godfully. To have a baby is a different thing from to have a life with a baby. Think twice.
Rather than having sex with him, try artificial insemination. He donates his sperm to you, and it gets implanted. I don't think it's a good idea to have sex with him, especially after he's married.
There are other ways to get pregnant besides actually having sex with the guy. Maybe you should explore some of those options. You don't want to become a issue in their marriage later. It does seem inappropriate.
Talk to the fiance about it.
You can save a lot of hassle by opting for IUI (Intra Uterine Implant) or IVF (In Vitro Fertilisation) - that way you will never have to sleep with him or for that matter, feel guilty either.
If you are not comfortable sleeping with him AFTER the wedding, then you shouldn't do it. He can father a child for you without actually having sex, it's just more difficult.
I wish you luck--you sound like your head's on straight %26amp; you'll be a good Mommy!
No you should not sleep with him at all. This is just sick and wrong. wait till marriage to get pregnant and have a baby with your husband.
Get out of the whole situation now.You are being extremely selfish and only thinking of your wants.The child you have deserves to start out life with it's own father and mother in a commitment towards each other.Sooner or later the relationship between the three of you will be troubled and where then will the child be? in the middle of situations caused by the very adults that are suppose to protect them .If you want to have a child and can't seem to find a man of your own then perhaps you should wait until the Creator sends you a child without the complications of hurting others.If you do go ahead and have a child without a relationship,then don't use your friend and put his future marriage in jeopardy.
No!!!!!!!
you should not sleep with him!
Can you find a partner other than your friend? And ,wont you want a family of your own? Maybe if you ask yourself these questions ,you might come up with an answer!
why dont you get pregnant on your own are you lesbian well i dont see any problem with it just seems strange
You shouldn't be having sex with him at all. He can donate sperm.
dont sleep wz him after they r married.
I think you already have the answer. The fact that you are doubting and having reservations about the situation is a bad sign, I think you know you should not be sleeping with a married man, best friend or not, it is a slippery slope. I would look into going to a sperm bank and/or other options.
You are going to have a baby with this friend, a friend who has no ties to you other than friendship. He's not family, he's planning on marrying someone else, he could WALK AWAY at any time. You are not even beginning to think of the baby, you are being SELFISH and thinking only of yourself. You want a baby....what about this child, doesn't this child deserve some type of committment from a mom and a dad? To knowingly plan to bring a baby in the world just because you want one, without any thought to how this will affect the baby is just unbelievably selfish to me. When that child reaches the age of 5 and starts asking deep questions, you will have very lame answers. When all the other kids in school talk about mommy and daddy....it will be difficult. BUT YOU DON'T CARE, you just brush it aside. AND, what happens if your best friend ends up having kids with his fiance/wife. You don't think she's going to start having problems with this whole situations, feeling protective of her own kids. It's a mess waiting to happen. I think you are being very foolish....and I'm sorry you lost your first baby, I know that pain firsthand, but I think you are doing this for all THE WRONG REASONS.
This is a recipe for disaster....what lawyer have you consulted....better yet....what lawyer has HE consulted? Does he realize he is financially responsible for this child-to-be until the age of 18???? Doesn't sound like it.
Advice on foreign student marriages & becoming a permanent resident?
I am engaged to a foreign student (who is here in the US legally on a student visa) and I was wondering what procedures we need to go through in order for him to become a permanent resident. Since he is already here legally, do I still have to ';petition for immigration';? [Fill out the I-130]
Here is what I [think] I know:
1. We have to be married (hence related) for him to become ';permanent';
2. He needs to be able to live, go to school, and work here in the US
Here is what I'm unsure of...
1. How long will it take, from the date of marriage, to become a permanent resident?
2. Do I HAVE to petition for him as an alien relative?
3. Can we file the I-130 (Petition for Alien Relative), I-485 (Permanent Residency), and the I-765 (Employment Authorization) at the same time?
%26amp; one last one:
4. Does his student status have any effect on this application/marriage process and vice versa (will these changes effect him being able to be enrolled in college)?
As far as the I-485, what is going to change? Is that the ';green card';?
I know that it is basically a request for status change/permanency, but has anyone been through these procedures before?
If you have had experience with (or know of any immigration attorneys according to) foreign marriage to US citizen in US %26amp; steps to becoming a permanent resident, please help!
All help is much appreciated!!!
:)Advice on foreign student marriages %26amp; becoming a permanent resident?
Yes, you may get married in the US and you may file green card application for him (I-130 for petition for alien relative, I-485 for adjustment of status, I-131 for advance parole which is a travel document and I-765 application for work permit and I-864 for affidavit of support), though you will need to prove that you have the financial ability to sponsor him. If you are a student yourself and lack the financial ability, then you would need to find a co-signer for the affidavit of support (I-864).
Once the applications have been submitted, his status changes from F-1 student to AOS adjustment of status/green card pending. USCIS will contact you for interview to make sure the marriage is true. If the green card is approved, it would be a conditional green card, valid for 2 years. You will need to file application to remove the condition before the green card expires.
You should contact the international student office at your husband-to-be's school and see if anyone there can help you. Good luck.
Here is what I [think] I know:
1. We have to be married (hence related) for him to become ';permanent';
2. He needs to be able to live, go to school, and work here in the US
Here is what I'm unsure of...
1. How long will it take, from the date of marriage, to become a permanent resident?
2. Do I HAVE to petition for him as an alien relative?
3. Can we file the I-130 (Petition for Alien Relative), I-485 (Permanent Residency), and the I-765 (Employment Authorization) at the same time?
%26amp; one last one:
4. Does his student status have any effect on this application/marriage process and vice versa (will these changes effect him being able to be enrolled in college)?
As far as the I-485, what is going to change? Is that the ';green card';?
I know that it is basically a request for status change/permanency, but has anyone been through these procedures before?
If you have had experience with (or know of any immigration attorneys according to) foreign marriage to US citizen in US %26amp; steps to becoming a permanent resident, please help!
All help is much appreciated!!!
:)Advice on foreign student marriages %26amp; becoming a permanent resident?
Yes, you may get married in the US and you may file green card application for him (I-130 for petition for alien relative, I-485 for adjustment of status, I-131 for advance parole which is a travel document and I-765 application for work permit and I-864 for affidavit of support), though you will need to prove that you have the financial ability to sponsor him. If you are a student yourself and lack the financial ability, then you would need to find a co-signer for the affidavit of support (I-864).
Once the applications have been submitted, his status changes from F-1 student to AOS adjustment of status/green card pending. USCIS will contact you for interview to make sure the marriage is true. If the green card is approved, it would be a conditional green card, valid for 2 years. You will need to file application to remove the condition before the green card expires.
You should contact the international student office at your husband-to-be's school and see if anyone there can help you. Good luck.
I need sum advice in helping my marriage?
recently my husband told me that he wasn't happy and of course i'm working on the things he said bothered him. but he told me tonight that he wants do fun things, and he likes stayin at work, because things at home are boring. I wanna know if anybody can help me think of anything that might be fun to do at home. he likes sports,and sex is not an issue. he also wants me to lose sum weight when we started dating i weighed 155 now i weigh 204, any suggestions of how i can lose about 40 pounds soon. i've had 2 kids and we've been together almost 7 years. any body please help me i really wanna save my marriageI need sum advice in helping my marriage?
There really isn't anything you can do. Sounds like your trying but he isn't happy with you. You might be wasting to much time trying to please him. Start being happy with yourself and make things fun for you and the kids. Maybe heel get a clue and get more involved. You might just find yourself losing the weight trying to keep with the children.
But seriously:
What is he doing about the things that bother you? Is he trying to make things fun at home? Marriage is a compromise. You both have to willing to make it work. Otherwise do what best for you and the kids.
There really isn't anything you can do. Sounds like your trying but he isn't happy with you. You might be wasting to much time trying to please him. Start being happy with yourself and make things fun for you and the kids. Maybe heel get a clue and get more involved. You might just find yourself losing the weight trying to keep with the children.
But seriously:
What is he doing about the things that bother you? Is he trying to make things fun at home? Marriage is a compromise. You both have to willing to make it work. Otherwise do what best for you and the kids.
Marriage Advice Needed?
I am about to get married and my parents have given me a choice of marrying an Indian girl from the USA or from back home.
I have some minor concerns. The first that the kind of girl I am looking for will be a little hard to find in the USA for the simple fact that there are not as many Indian girls in the USA. The second issue is the difference of thought of an Indian being born and raised in the USA vs an Indian being born and raised in India. My friends tell me that a girl born and raised from India might not be as open to different things in husband and wife relations.
A little about myself.
I am a Muslim before anything else and do take my religion very seriously and I am from a religious family.
I am a Indian (Punjabi) born and raised in the USA.
I have studied Indian history on my free time and have learned to read and write in Urdu, Punjabi and Hindi.
I am 25 years old and I am good looking.
I have a MBA (Masters in Business Administration) with a concentration in information technology.
I am working for the federal government in the USA with a salary of 75,000 USA dollars which will be 100,000 dollars + in another year and a half.
What I am looking for in my wife
From a religious family.
18- 28 years old and really good looking
At least masters education (MA), prefer in a profession (business, engineer, law or medicine)
My wife can work or stay home but if she has spent that much time in her studies then I prefer she apply her knowledge in a work setting.
Try to be as least bias as possible and tell me if you were born and raised in India, the West or born in India and currently living in the West. Please also tell me if you are Muslim or not.
Thank YouMarriage Advice Needed?
First thing i am muslim girl born in Dubai lived there for 21 years and have shifted to mumbai from the past 3 years. Frankly today's indian girl is well aware of all aspects of life and she is equally open to understanding the requirements of a modern day marriage also keeping in mind her traditonal way of living. i somehow feel that for a back ground of religious parents you should settle with a girl raised in India cause i feel girls born and brought up here have that balance of following the religion but at the same time they are open to the modern way of living.
but the most important thing is that when finding a girl from india see to it that she is educated and is from a sound financial back ground so that she will not diificulties to adjust to your kind of living.
this i am telling from my point of view.Marriage Advice Needed?
yeah bro nadia and rachel sounding sense.But nadia said about financial background of girl that in my view doesnt matter u are not marrying a financial aspect of a girl but her so please discard that as there are many ppl who cannot marry coz of money coz of this attitude.
All the best.
get a good Indian girl from a big city. That iws the best.
And dude, you sound like an intelligent guy, get out of Islam - read this - you owe it to yourself
www.faithfreedom.org
You may be better off getting one from India. I hope your not looking for a wife on here.
hello wasim,
well your wish sounds very fair and generous enough. marriage is a very big commitment of life. It brings loads of responsibility on the shoulders of two people who are to share their life through their entire
period of marriage until ';death do apart'; . Believe me wasim this is true.
First of all girls have changed and adapted a lot with the modern generation and technology. Unless you want to find some bride from a remote village in india , you will find brides who are educated and able to follow their importance of religious norms even in this era. Dont worry you will find some one special where you will feel your wavelength hit instantly with her. This is true . 100%. myslef being brought up in dubai for 21 years and married to my husband from India brought for 26 years, didnt clash our religious upbringing and thought process. It took a little time to adjust to our specific likings though but that is worth the time you will enjoy after you marry her.
places like dubai and saudi have well brought up muslim girls. Im telling you this since even though me being a hindu i grew in a muslim culture and enjoyed doing so. The amount of importance to religion they taught and instilled in us helped me so much in my marriage life. India is also a very good place to start, it is nothign different other places. only thing is that girls from gulf countries would have already known what living abroad feels like unlike girls from India.
you seem to be a quite and humble person with the mail youve sent us to help you. you will definetly need somebody like you or somebody a little chirpy to keep you smiling through the day after your busy lifestyle.
time span for the process 6-9 months till the marriage .
here is simple recipe for you to follow to find your other half:
proposal vs mentally match:
select a proposal that sort of matches your nature and your
mental calibre.
natural beauty vs artificial make over:
always natural beauty will hit you hard. there is always a mystery behind innocence and natural looks which will awaken your heart with a spark. dont fall for a trap of loads of cosmetics and mural paintings of the face. and vice versa.
speech is golden :
after the selection , make sure you talk to her either by mail or phone.
this will help you to assess where both of you stand in your relation . It will also indicate as to whether your ready to move on ahead and share your life with her.
elimination process:
once you have selected the proposals and spoken to them, you will realize truly with whom you and your heart feels comfortable. this will tell you where your heart and soul truly belongs.
finalization:
after they parents work is done, start your romance. there should 6- 8months gap for your marriage. this will enhance the love for both of you, time needed to understand special likings fro each on of you and know little little things , special moments that will be cherished by both of us life long. believe me this time period is the hardest but it brings out the best in both of you. all you do in this time frame is love and listen everythign each on of you has to say. did i say fights and little misunderstanding are included ! heheh.. its part of it too in moderation.apologize with out any ego . forgiveness is the biggest key to a girls heart..
final day: marriage
if you arrive a week prior to marriage GET HER SOMETHING . that is going to be the most special thing in life till her last breath. many men forget that little part and it is the most special way to impress your would be. call her ans speak to her. there is always a lot of restrictions when the date nears but still try to. especially late night sneaky calls will be really enjoying. finally when you get married just put in so much love that you will feel there would nobody to love HER than YOU
Honey moon : testing period
arrange a date of marriage and honey moon after you know her monthly cycle as you do want any added tension. select a surprise destination and enjoy your lives to gether without a tag along unlike me when we had parents accompany us due to safety, but we were saved by my sister in law. pheew!
enjoy and understand each other slowly!!!no fights during this time and this will etch a scar on you.. so listen and argue healthily. doesnt hurt to give a up a little.....
sorry for the long writeup , but i hope this will help you! I wish you the very best wasim . though i havent seen in you person , but with all my best wishes i send you this reply..marriage is not rocket science..
But the time taken to find and unite your heart yearns to be!! It take a lot to be husband beyond parents, friends and siblings. A husband make that special bond for a wife. In turn to share and hold and give solace you need that special girl who can only be your wife! good luck
with your hunt!!
cheers wasim!
I think it's great that you want to find a wife, but the approach you're taking will make a lot of women feel like running far away in the other direction. You should really try to get to know women, and date them because of who they are, not because they have a masters, are good looking, etc. and you think your parents would approve. Women like to feel like you are madly in love with them, not that they are just someone who would make your parents happy. I suggest you strike up a conversation with some nice women at work, or at one of your Indian History classes. That will get you a lot further.
marriages are made in heaven, by miths. Best if luck! Indian girls are family oriented and husband care worth of. Religious family will be a very nice living and helpful type in India.
give importance to life and selecting life partner, it will be a heaven to you. Then every thing will go ok!. and pleasant.!
Some religions are thinking they are the great? such type of perversions should be avoided.
adjustment in life is more important than helping.These are all the loving memoirs of marriage.
The most important and beautiful wedding pictures are the ones taken candidly. As the bride fluffs her hair for the very last time, a moment is captured. As the tiny flower girls quietly gaze out a window of the church, time stands still. These moments captured on film, can be transformed into warm feelings and not just thoughts, with Picture Blankets.
I have some minor concerns. The first that the kind of girl I am looking for will be a little hard to find in the USA for the simple fact that there are not as many Indian girls in the USA. The second issue is the difference of thought of an Indian being born and raised in the USA vs an Indian being born and raised in India. My friends tell me that a girl born and raised from India might not be as open to different things in husband and wife relations.
A little about myself.
I am a Muslim before anything else and do take my religion very seriously and I am from a religious family.
I am a Indian (Punjabi) born and raised in the USA.
I have studied Indian history on my free time and have learned to read and write in Urdu, Punjabi and Hindi.
I am 25 years old and I am good looking.
I have a MBA (Masters in Business Administration) with a concentration in information technology.
I am working for the federal government in the USA with a salary of 75,000 USA dollars which will be 100,000 dollars + in another year and a half.
What I am looking for in my wife
From a religious family.
18- 28 years old and really good looking
At least masters education (MA), prefer in a profession (business, engineer, law or medicine)
My wife can work or stay home but if she has spent that much time in her studies then I prefer she apply her knowledge in a work setting.
Try to be as least bias as possible and tell me if you were born and raised in India, the West or born in India and currently living in the West. Please also tell me if you are Muslim or not.
Thank YouMarriage Advice Needed?
First thing i am muslim girl born in Dubai lived there for 21 years and have shifted to mumbai from the past 3 years. Frankly today's indian girl is well aware of all aspects of life and she is equally open to understanding the requirements of a modern day marriage also keeping in mind her traditonal way of living. i somehow feel that for a back ground of religious parents you should settle with a girl raised in India cause i feel girls born and brought up here have that balance of following the religion but at the same time they are open to the modern way of living.
but the most important thing is that when finding a girl from india see to it that she is educated and is from a sound financial back ground so that she will not diificulties to adjust to your kind of living.
this i am telling from my point of view.Marriage Advice Needed?
yeah bro nadia and rachel sounding sense.But nadia said about financial background of girl that in my view doesnt matter u are not marrying a financial aspect of a girl but her so please discard that as there are many ppl who cannot marry coz of money coz of this attitude.
All the best.
get a good Indian girl from a big city. That iws the best.
And dude, you sound like an intelligent guy, get out of Islam - read this - you owe it to yourself
www.faithfreedom.org
You may be better off getting one from India. I hope your not looking for a wife on here.
hello wasim,
well your wish sounds very fair and generous enough. marriage is a very big commitment of life. It brings loads of responsibility on the shoulders of two people who are to share their life through their entire
period of marriage until ';death do apart'; . Believe me wasim this is true.
First of all girls have changed and adapted a lot with the modern generation and technology. Unless you want to find some bride from a remote village in india , you will find brides who are educated and able to follow their importance of religious norms even in this era. Dont worry you will find some one special where you will feel your wavelength hit instantly with her. This is true . 100%. myslef being brought up in dubai for 21 years and married to my husband from India brought for 26 years, didnt clash our religious upbringing and thought process. It took a little time to adjust to our specific likings though but that is worth the time you will enjoy after you marry her.
places like dubai and saudi have well brought up muslim girls. Im telling you this since even though me being a hindu i grew in a muslim culture and enjoyed doing so. The amount of importance to religion they taught and instilled in us helped me so much in my marriage life. India is also a very good place to start, it is nothign different other places. only thing is that girls from gulf countries would have already known what living abroad feels like unlike girls from India.
you seem to be a quite and humble person with the mail youve sent us to help you. you will definetly need somebody like you or somebody a little chirpy to keep you smiling through the day after your busy lifestyle.
time span for the process 6-9 months till the marriage .
here is simple recipe for you to follow to find your other half:
proposal vs mentally match:
select a proposal that sort of matches your nature and your
mental calibre.
natural beauty vs artificial make over:
always natural beauty will hit you hard. there is always a mystery behind innocence and natural looks which will awaken your heart with a spark. dont fall for a trap of loads of cosmetics and mural paintings of the face. and vice versa.
speech is golden :
after the selection , make sure you talk to her either by mail or phone.
this will help you to assess where both of you stand in your relation . It will also indicate as to whether your ready to move on ahead and share your life with her.
elimination process:
once you have selected the proposals and spoken to them, you will realize truly with whom you and your heart feels comfortable. this will tell you where your heart and soul truly belongs.
finalization:
after they parents work is done, start your romance. there should 6- 8months gap for your marriage. this will enhance the love for both of you, time needed to understand special likings fro each on of you and know little little things , special moments that will be cherished by both of us life long. believe me this time period is the hardest but it brings out the best in both of you. all you do in this time frame is love and listen everythign each on of you has to say. did i say fights and little misunderstanding are included ! heheh.. its part of it too in moderation.apologize with out any ego . forgiveness is the biggest key to a girls heart..
final day: marriage
if you arrive a week prior to marriage GET HER SOMETHING . that is going to be the most special thing in life till her last breath. many men forget that little part and it is the most special way to impress your would be. call her ans speak to her. there is always a lot of restrictions when the date nears but still try to. especially late night sneaky calls will be really enjoying. finally when you get married just put in so much love that you will feel there would nobody to love HER than YOU
Honey moon : testing period
arrange a date of marriage and honey moon after you know her monthly cycle as you do want any added tension. select a surprise destination and enjoy your lives to gether without a tag along unlike me when we had parents accompany us due to safety, but we were saved by my sister in law. pheew!
enjoy and understand each other slowly!!!no fights during this time and this will etch a scar on you.. so listen and argue healthily. doesnt hurt to give a up a little.....
sorry for the long writeup , but i hope this will help you! I wish you the very best wasim . though i havent seen in you person , but with all my best wishes i send you this reply..marriage is not rocket science..
But the time taken to find and unite your heart yearns to be!! It take a lot to be husband beyond parents, friends and siblings. A husband make that special bond for a wife. In turn to share and hold and give solace you need that special girl who can only be your wife! good luck
with your hunt!!
cheers wasim!
I think it's great that you want to find a wife, but the approach you're taking will make a lot of women feel like running far away in the other direction. You should really try to get to know women, and date them because of who they are, not because they have a masters, are good looking, etc. and you think your parents would approve. Women like to feel like you are madly in love with them, not that they are just someone who would make your parents happy. I suggest you strike up a conversation with some nice women at work, or at one of your Indian History classes. That will get you a lot further.
marriages are made in heaven, by miths. Best if luck! Indian girls are family oriented and husband care worth of. Religious family will be a very nice living and helpful type in India.
give importance to life and selecting life partner, it will be a heaven to you. Then every thing will go ok!. and pleasant.!
Some religions are thinking they are the great? such type of perversions should be avoided.
adjustment in life is more important than helping.These are all the loving memoirs of marriage.
The most important and beautiful wedding pictures are the ones taken candidly. As the bride fluffs her hair for the very last time, a moment is captured. As the tiny flower girls quietly gaze out a window of the church, time stands still. These moments captured on film, can be transformed into warm feelings and not just thoughts, with Picture Blankets.
Marriage Advice?
Married relationship is tough. Pl. tell me the best place to get advice?
i am now getting desperate.Marriage Advice?
you have to trust in god and also you have to keep the spice and let the other person know that they matter and that you still love them you have to always give attention and affection to each other no matter what happen that day or that week you have to have time for each other couples seem to forget to show attention and love and communicate with each other after time but it shouldnt stop.smile have fun with each other we know bills and work brings problems but you two should know once behind those doors in the room is your time dont bring the stress in the bedroom always talk share what your feeling in the most loving way possible and if your man and she has the kids most of the time make sure you let her know how important she is and that you appreciate all she do becauseshe needs to know that even if your the one working the hardest kids are a hard job also and woman cant hide our stress as long as men we break sooner.love and commitement is very hard to find always keep prayer in your house a family that prays to gether stays together with GOD allthings are possible. i made the mistake to leave and know i have regret it for years still waitting on God to bless me again good luckMarriage Advice?
im with ana, go to a church you need to get counseling with or with out your spouse. the reason why i say church is contrary to modern day belief marriage is a religouse institution and they are very pro marriage and believe in keeping it together. you dont have to be a member of any specific church to ask for help....
The best place to go for advice is your pastor at your local church. Good luck.
ASK
Type ';jerdanmc'; in your yahoo messenger!
if you attend church i would say to consult them first, if not, then go to a marriage counselor and most importantly pray. it takes 3 to make a marriage work good..... you, your spouse and God.
What kind of marriage advice are you needing? You should have posted that question here. Or you could go to your minister.
seek a counselor here's a website: http://cms.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_鈥?/a>
Go to a marriage counselor, or a Pastor of a church they are both great.
talk to someone that dont know cause they can tell you the truth and you dont have to see them again
i am now getting desperate.Marriage Advice?
you have to trust in god and also you have to keep the spice and let the other person know that they matter and that you still love them you have to always give attention and affection to each other no matter what happen that day or that week you have to have time for each other couples seem to forget to show attention and love and communicate with each other after time but it shouldnt stop.smile have fun with each other we know bills and work brings problems but you two should know once behind those doors in the room is your time dont bring the stress in the bedroom always talk share what your feeling in the most loving way possible and if your man and she has the kids most of the time make sure you let her know how important she is and that you appreciate all she do becauseshe needs to know that even if your the one working the hardest kids are a hard job also and woman cant hide our stress as long as men we break sooner.love and commitement is very hard to find always keep prayer in your house a family that prays to gether stays together with GOD allthings are possible. i made the mistake to leave and know i have regret it for years still waitting on God to bless me again good luckMarriage Advice?
im with ana, go to a church you need to get counseling with or with out your spouse. the reason why i say church is contrary to modern day belief marriage is a religouse institution and they are very pro marriage and believe in keeping it together. you dont have to be a member of any specific church to ask for help....
The best place to go for advice is your pastor at your local church. Good luck.
ASK
Type ';jerdanmc'; in your yahoo messenger!
if you attend church i would say to consult them first, if not, then go to a marriage counselor and most importantly pray. it takes 3 to make a marriage work good..... you, your spouse and God.
What kind of marriage advice are you needing? You should have posted that question here. Or you could go to your minister.
seek a counselor here's a website: http://cms.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_鈥?/a>
Go to a marriage counselor, or a Pastor of a church they are both great.
talk to someone that dont know cause they can tell you the truth and you dont have to see them again
Marriage ended. Feel exhausted. not eating. still iving in same House. Advice?
I am soo tired. I can barely keep my eyes open. My husband is openly seeing another woman whilst we are living together. He wont move out and I have nowhere else to go as all my freinds have young babies.
The house will be going on the market 2morow but could take a year to sell.
I am trying to keep out the house as much as possible by getting a 2nd job, my own car (as I relied on him for lifts due to where we live). Its very difficult and I am feeling VERY uncomfrtable.
What can I do to ease this? the house could be on the market for a year!!!
Any words of advice?
Marriage ended. Feel exhausted. not eating. still iving in same House. Advice?
Wow, what an incredibly stressful situation you must be in.
I can't imagine the pain you must feel every time you see both him and her. And it's impossible to start healing or move on until you are clear of the entire situation.
You are right the best thing to do is to get out of the house, and stay with friends or family and start to grieve for your failed marriage. And unless you are willing to put your house well below market value (which is painfully low as it is) you are not likely to move it quickly.
You need a major distraction in your life to keep you occupied, Maybe get a second part time job, keeping you out of the house even more and giving you some money to save up for when you are on your own.
Or an art class, second language or some type of educational class. At least with that you can study when you aren't in the class and it gives you something to focus on. If you've had something you've always wanted to learn now is a good time to throw yourself into it.
That or quit your job and move back home, if this is an option. It may not be desirable to do this, but you also need to consider the toll on your health to live like you are.Marriage ended. Feel exhausted. not eating. still iving in same House. Advice?
Plz come to me and be a good friend of mine.I am alone in the city of beauty.U can live with me till your alternate arrangement.Be sure of your dignity and safty.I am a govt employee.ring me on 9463477788.
Could you rent out the house until it sells and both live in smaller rented properties until then?
GET OUT if you are not living there why is it up to you to pay the morgage....
rent an apartment. no other options.
Well, the house could be on the market for way more then a year.
Why would he move out? Quite honestly if you can't even afford car payments on your own, i highly doubt you have paid much towards the house and or could afford the mortgage payments if he did.
Get the second job, make some new friends. Heck the place my wife works at is nothing but a bunch of females, they all hired in at the same time. Two of the girls that went through training with her had just got dumped during the month long training process, so they got together and became room mates.
There are always options, it sounds like your on the right track, priority might be to move within walking distance of where you work, that way saving up for a car wouldn't be necessary.
It sounds like you need a complete change. Going through a divorce while you have to live and co-exist in the same house can be exhausting in itself.
Do you have any family nearby (or even far away) that you would consider rooming with? Perhaps you can offer to do some household chores instead of paying rent to help you get back on your feet. You are exhausted because of the amount of energy it takes to deal with this person on a daily basis. It is not healthy for you to be there, and I think you know that. I'm not sure what you do for work, but consider relocating with a relative or a friend that lives further away and making a fresh start.
Call a lawyer, file for a divorce and find out what your rights are.
Be strong ! The house may sell quicker then you think.
Getting a second job is a good idea. Save as much money as you can.
Avoid talking to him or being around him as much as possible. And if they should break up before the house is sold , do not take him back. He will only do it again.
I know because my husband did the same thing to me after 18 years of marriage. I divorced him, had him put out of the house, worked 2 jobs 6 days a week for 4 years and raised our 2 children by myself. I would do it all over again.
If I can do it so can you. And a year after the divorce was final I met a great guy(wasn't looking) . I dated him for 7 years and then married him. We just celebrated 22 years this May.
So hang in there ! It will get better. You have already taken the first step and that's the hardest. Call the lawyer today. End it. You deserve better.
The house will be going on the market 2morow but could take a year to sell.
I am trying to keep out the house as much as possible by getting a 2nd job, my own car (as I relied on him for lifts due to where we live). Its very difficult and I am feeling VERY uncomfrtable.
What can I do to ease this? the house could be on the market for a year!!!
Any words of advice?
Marriage ended. Feel exhausted. not eating. still iving in same House. Advice?
Wow, what an incredibly stressful situation you must be in.
I can't imagine the pain you must feel every time you see both him and her. And it's impossible to start healing or move on until you are clear of the entire situation.
You are right the best thing to do is to get out of the house, and stay with friends or family and start to grieve for your failed marriage. And unless you are willing to put your house well below market value (which is painfully low as it is) you are not likely to move it quickly.
You need a major distraction in your life to keep you occupied, Maybe get a second part time job, keeping you out of the house even more and giving you some money to save up for when you are on your own.
Or an art class, second language or some type of educational class. At least with that you can study when you aren't in the class and it gives you something to focus on. If you've had something you've always wanted to learn now is a good time to throw yourself into it.
That or quit your job and move back home, if this is an option. It may not be desirable to do this, but you also need to consider the toll on your health to live like you are.Marriage ended. Feel exhausted. not eating. still iving in same House. Advice?
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Could you rent out the house until it sells and both live in smaller rented properties until then?
GET OUT if you are not living there why is it up to you to pay the morgage....
rent an apartment. no other options.
Well, the house could be on the market for way more then a year.
Why would he move out? Quite honestly if you can't even afford car payments on your own, i highly doubt you have paid much towards the house and or could afford the mortgage payments if he did.
Get the second job, make some new friends. Heck the place my wife works at is nothing but a bunch of females, they all hired in at the same time. Two of the girls that went through training with her had just got dumped during the month long training process, so they got together and became room mates.
There are always options, it sounds like your on the right track, priority might be to move within walking distance of where you work, that way saving up for a car wouldn't be necessary.
It sounds like you need a complete change. Going through a divorce while you have to live and co-exist in the same house can be exhausting in itself.
Do you have any family nearby (or even far away) that you would consider rooming with? Perhaps you can offer to do some household chores instead of paying rent to help you get back on your feet. You are exhausted because of the amount of energy it takes to deal with this person on a daily basis. It is not healthy for you to be there, and I think you know that. I'm not sure what you do for work, but consider relocating with a relative or a friend that lives further away and making a fresh start.
Call a lawyer, file for a divorce and find out what your rights are.
Be strong ! The house may sell quicker then you think.
Getting a second job is a good idea. Save as much money as you can.
Avoid talking to him or being around him as much as possible. And if they should break up before the house is sold , do not take him back. He will only do it again.
I know because my husband did the same thing to me after 18 years of marriage. I divorced him, had him put out of the house, worked 2 jobs 6 days a week for 4 years and raised our 2 children by myself. I would do it all over again.
If I can do it so can you. And a year after the divorce was final I met a great guy(wasn't looking) . I dated him for 7 years and then married him. We just celebrated 22 years this May.
So hang in there ! It will get better. You have already taken the first step and that's the hardest. Call the lawyer today. End it. You deserve better.
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