Need advice from committed marriages....?

Been married to love of my life for over 15 years with children. We used to have a great sex life - however, it seems to have totally disintegrated into once every few months (if I throw a tantrum and make him). I've always had a high sex drive and didnt used to be a problem. But now, we are only roommates. When I address it, he blames it on his medication or his weight. Ok, so I bought him an herbal remedy that wouldnt' counteract his medication and it worked (when he used it) and also tried to encourage him to work out and that I'd help him. Nothing....The confusing part is he still tries to grope me and even offer to get me off manually, but that's getting old too - because it doesn't lead to sex.





I know it isn't my looks. I notice men checking me out and am approached when we go out and he gets jealous. He doesn't want me but doesn't wany anyone else too either. I've done the seduction and very forward begging; to no avail.





I can't live like this!!! AdviceNeed advice from committed marriages....?
what you're craving for isn't really the physical aspect of 'sex'. you're craving for 'feeling loved', and that makes you crave more physical sex. when you fulfill the physical sex part with someone else, that leaves you feeling more hollow on the emotional part and you'd feel more lonely, even after with ready and willing faceless nameless many sexual partners.


your marriage needs a 'jolt'. nothing jolts a marriage like divorce papers. you got nothing else to lose at this point. file and see how it changes your life.Need advice from committed marriages....?
You should go to his Doctor together and discuss this. The Dr. will have some suggestions. Many medications can give your husband a problem with his erections and that seems to be what he is avoiding telling you. 15 years with children is not something to be throwing away for some sex. Buy a personal vibrator so you still get it when you want it or show him how to be skillful at it. Don't forget to talk talk talk. Communication is they key so get to the store and hop in the sack! I've been married 24 years so I do understand.
SCB, I would suggest that you and your hubby got see a doctor. It will not hurt to find out that something is wrong. There are a lot of factor that lead to a decline in sex drives. It may just be from a routine thing to habit or even stress. These are things that a doctor will eliminate so you both will know what the problem is. I know he still loves you but I think there is some mental things that is keeping him from performing.
i say u tell him,u no ure worth taking one extra pill a day for n if he doesnt start taking the pills u will find someone who doesnt need pills,,men can b very selfish,,hope ure nights turn out better,but if u dont say something,he will not change,,its calledf a wake up call,,u go for it,n good luck
It sounds as if your husband needs to get into some counseling to get to the bottom of his issues in regard to not wanting to have sex. He may be depressed or embarassed about his weight. Let him know that you need a sexual relationship with him and that you hope he'll agree that getting help to keep your marriage healthy is a worthwhile pursuit.
I would say the weight is the key factor here. He needs to lose weight. Being overweight is a huge passion killer - he will be physically unfit and lethargic, but also lacking in self confidence as a result. Guaranteed to kill libido.





He needs to get on a fitness programme of some sort. Find what will work for him. It could be running, or taking up a sport. Whatever he feels like. Do it with him if you can.





Keep meals light and healthy with reasonable size portions and no junk. If you do the cooking, this will be easier to control. Don't eat late at night.





I really think his physical shape is the problem here. Good luck.
What is most interesting is if this very question were asked by a man he would be shredded by women who think that there is more to life than sex...





Please women... loose the double standards!





That said... you can't convince him to care about you sexually any more than a guy can get his woman too.





You will have to live with it or leave. The odds are that he will only get worse... even if a doctor gives him drugs, it won't matter because your needs are not important to him.





Sometimes... just sometimes... a man losses his drive because the type of sex is unfulfilling... have you probed for his mental turn-ons?





Maybe he is too embarrassed to let you know what it is???
What I find interesting is that when a man asks this question, the response from women is wine and dine, or helping out more around the house, or even communication. Once and a while stress is thrown in. Well, I can say is this is an even bigger issue and may have to be really researched by some professionals. No one ever seems to really have an answer (short of just leaving). idk, maybe those of us that complain about it should start to deal with it better. It's better than rape, making compromises for it, cheating, or leaving our spouses.
It could be that his testosterone levels have dropped with age. If he has gained weight he may not enjoy the physical activity of sex unless you take control and get on top. It may be boredom if you are always having sex in one place (i.e. the bedroom when children are in bed) Maybe a sex swing is needed to allow for the same activity with less exertion. If you want an opinion on your looks I would be happy to have a peek! LOL
You mentioned medication and his weight. This sounds like the source of the problem. He needs to have a frank discussion about this with his doctor.
file a divorce....
try seeing a doc with him about a way forward.
I think if he at least is showing some affection and is compassionate with your feelings , then stick it out ...why leave him or be angry with him ,,,especailly if you know its not because he is cheating around ,,,,but his weight ,,,age , and meds is out of his hands ....hang in there ,,,at least he loves you
My husband can be like that at times....not go without for months but several days. I think it may be age related. If you think about it alot of times guys are super sexually active in their late teens where girls don't hit our prime until later.


Maybe try to get him to take a nap after work so that he can get his engine restarted by the time you all go to bed. =)





Good luck!
You're gonna have to start mixing things up...try some crazy new stuff. I'd suggest some role playing %26amp; see if that doesn't trigger something.
He has a low sexual drive but doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. His medication is to blame apparently and this is quite legite. He cannot help the way he feels. Is there anyway they maybe able to switch his meds? You two need to consult a doctor together to find a solution to this problem. Obviously you aren't the problem so do not blame yourself but as his spouse you need to be supportive and understanding if it is the medication making him behave this way while trying to find a solution. Married 16 years and at one point I was on meds that made me feel exactly how he feels -- completely not interested. Got off the meds and now I am fine.
It sounds like it's time to sit him down and tell him you are at a point in your life where you are in your sexual prime and you need more of a release than you are getting. Tell him that your needs are strong enough that you're seriously considering having an affair, just for the physical and emotional release of having full blown intercourse, and that if he doesn't start cooperating, either by letting you come to the doctor with him, taking the herbal supplements (and make sure he knows that just because it's shaped like a pill, it's not necessarily ';drugs'; - remind him about tic-tacs if you need to), or by going to counseling -- that you're going to assume that he doesn't want to be an active part of your sex life and let him know you're considering finding someone who will be an active part of your sex life. (Sorry if that sounds harsh, and I'm sure I'll get lots of thumbs down for it, but some people don't see what's right in front of them until you smack them between the eyes with the cold wet washcloth of reality.. that's where you're headed, dear.)





Maybe you could encourage him to start taking vitamins, and slip one of those ';smiling Bob'; pills in with the usual other stuff....unless he also considers vitamins to be a form of ';pill.';





I'm so sorry you're going through this, and all I have to say about stubborn husbands is ';thank goodness for Cialis.'; I'd slip it into his morning coffee if I could. ;)
He needs an attention getter of some sort. Do you own a dildo? If you dont , I would get one. Even if you dont like it or the idea of one. Use it as leverage. Get one, dont say anything to him. Just make sure he see's it. Like LEAVE it in the bathroom after you take a bath or a shower etc. where He may walk in and see it. Or just anywhere that he will run into it. That will get his attention or at the least bring up the fact that your serious about your sex life. Hes not taking your talks serious....
Can he have sex? He's still trying to satisfy you manually so it doesn't sound like he's lost interest in you, sounds like he has legitimate reasons for not having sex. Talk to his Dr. about any safe meds he would be able to take for ED and also see a counselor. Sounds like he's trying but you are understandably frustrated. Don't start looking for it elsewhere. For better or for worse.