Please Help!!!!Should I fight for my marriage or let it go,All your Advices are welcome.?

Sorry i try to keep it short but this is relationship drama.


Thank's to all of you who will take time to read and help me with an answer.


I am going to give a brief story of how it all began in order to help you be able to figure out an answer to my question.


My husband %26amp; I are going into our 10th year marriage.2 kids.everything started out like a movie.we were really enjoying the ways of our life until conflicts and unresolved issues got a hold of us .this is let say 3,to 4 years into the marriage.It quickly escalated into him mentally and emotionally abusing me.It was too early for me to quit but I manage to just hang in there.On the outside everything looked great.before I knew it the lack of attention ,the stress from (work,school,our first baby and all that you know typical of in any relationship).It about 6 years now in the relationship I become involved in an emotional relationship with this guy X.For a very short time let say for days or close to a month.But i come clean and told my husband about it.Well I am trying to cut off some details here,to avoid being too long.So he took half responsibility of my cheating and agree that we both should work to save the marriage.I bought me a new ring ,the next year our second baby was on the way.Only to find out one day that he is been seeking after all his Ex-girls,Asking his friends if they could help him trace anyone and find there where about.They did find one ,pass on the infos and he end up making contact with this one girl Z. One day I come across some e-mails and phone messages + pictures of her that she sent to him ,both talking about wanting to recandle their love.She knows he is married yet she seem to agree about becoming his mistress.He did told her blank that if she agree to his demand that she will always be 2nd place because he want to keep me ,specially for the kids ,but wanted her to come on board also.she never say OK but it was clear to me in all her messages that she still want him .By this time,me pregnant 7 month he is talking %26amp;planning to visit her bcse she lives in France.With all these evidences I confronted him.couldn't deny .he apologize and explain that he still didn't got over my emotional affair and wanted to get some of his old memories back.at this point In my mind I was thinking we have succeed our fight to save the marriage.Of course I was hurt ,so hurt that the baby surely suffer trough this as I become severely depressed.But he convinced me he will put an end to this.I cough him 2 time after he promise both time to stop.so i tricked him by changing his e-mail's password %26amp;after many tries.He gave up and open up a new account.I kept the old coming back ot verify from time to time.By this time the baby is born ,yet my hubby talked to Z one more time on the phone ,the baby was only few weeks old this time i cough him again.going ouside to talk while I am in the house with baby.O than started talking Divorce.he pleaded to behave.I know you all asking what?yes with a brain new baby,i didn't have a job at this time,+I keep telling myself that Z was far away ,for me to just Quit for someone who os working her way to come get all that I worked for all these years?So I keep letting go hoping that this time everything will e ok. Notice that My hubby move on from their old relationship almost 12 years ago now ,to this day she hasn't find a man to marry her.No wonder she was all on him with messages ,pictures and all that.Now about the calls I can't say for sure they truly ended but I have checked his cell phone for a year now ,he even deleted her number and e-mails.he also gave me his new account ,the one that he created after my trick he gave me the new password,he leaves his cell with me all the time.So he seem to have disconnected form her for a while now.As far as i checked I haven't seen any sign of him reaching out to her close to a year now.But she hasn't How do I know?remember i am in charge of the old account!! and that the one she has %26amp;almost every month since 2008 began she will send in some group messages.I kept this to myself just bcse didn't want to bring up her name and he (hubby)thinks he lost his old account.So wnat to see if we can forget about her.But Just last month she finally broke down and wrote a one on one message form her to my Hubby asking him to joint her myspace friends list.%26amp;tonight I went to see ,here she is with a message asking if he got her invitation to myspace.PLEASE ANYONE TELL ME SHOULD I EVEN BOTHER TO TELL HIM ABOUT HER REACHING OUT TO HIM AGAIN OR IGNORE IT ,IF I HAVE TO FIGHT HOW DO I deal with Z???????,she is so desperate.either i am here or divorced she sound determine to fight for her chance.It sad on one side that she really need a man this bad but the man is married with family.Please some advice!!!!.I will have to mention that he(hubby) is still more of the old guy ,almost no change at all on the emotional part,I struggle to this day ,often when we disagree oPlease Help!!!!Should I fight for my marriage or let it go,All your Advices are welcome.?
This is a deep story.


First off, congratulate yourself, pat yourself on the back. here *HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG* You`ve done a really wonderful thing going through all this, WHILE taking care of the baby. I`m sure this has taking a serious toll on your health and i think you should first make sure you are not severely stressed out. Make sure you are still eating healthy and working out every so often.





Now, this issue is really sensitive and i feel like i`m down on my knees because i feel i might be unable to help you. I honestly think that you shoudl try to see your options. He keeps promising you and breaking it. It seems like he is getting more desperate for the girl too. Make your not giving him, or showing some sort of love that he desires. I sort of seems like everything is falling about everytime you keep gluing it. Even if you are trying to use super glue it just keeps falling apart. I think you should have one final discussion with him, and make sure he answers EVERYTHING you want to know in your life. Ask him why he keeps talkign to her again, ask him what your not providing for him, and such and such.





Maybe if you do not have the same feelings for him as you used to, sometimes it`s best to move on. Sometimes you have to sacrifice some things to open it. I`M NOT TELLING YOU TO DIVORCE HIM, i`m just trying to help you think about the future. But if you do divorce him, please think about the kids, tell him about the kids. This is really serious, because this could really affect your kids future.





I`m sorry this is all i can think of..Please Help!!!!Should I fight for my marriage or let it go,All your Advices are welcome.?
Your just going to have to show him why he loved you over the other girl in the first place. Report Abuse

Save your marriage. Before that, remove all your garbage.
been ther done that...sad to say some people never change. might b wist to cut ur losses and try to move on. Its better that hurting urself over and over again.
wait a second - you cheated and now you're upset that your husband cheated? WTF?





Tell your husband what you've discovered and collectively (but let him lead) tell this woman to shove off. It displays unity and she'll get the idea.
Stop playing games with your children's lives and find a relationship that commands some respect. You are too far gone in your present tit-for-tat. End it now!
well hun... it sounds like you have a really big problem. when i think of men cheating it is like an addiction to them. they know no different. if he re
sorry i did not read the entire thing.. but ill tell u my story..


im 17 and my parents divorced when i was 9. till this day i feel pain cuz i dont have a family thats together. we're always split. the divorce was the most heartbreaking and painfull thing i have ever went through with my family and i would do anything to have my mom and dad together.





even if your kids are young and wouldnt remember it they will still grow up with a sence that there's something missing. so for the childrens sake, pls fight for the marraige as hard as u possibly can.


i still feel very sad when i think about my parents and how much that affected me.





hope i helped with your decision.
i think if you have always known hes not that emotional its a choice you made when u got married. no marriage is 100% but try and see what u saw in him in the beginning. its not about you 2 anymore! my parents divorced it was the worst thng to go through i would never wish that on anyone... ignore her msgs and try and stablize your marriage so he wont go else where......communication is key dont play games or youyll go crazy best of luck!!!!!!!!!!
Long, but I read it because it means so much to you and I want ot understand what I am answering.


If you wan to fight for him, then you will have to make him feel like a man.


Start simple by giving him praises for all that he does.....he works hard to support you and babies! Tell him in simple words, like, honey, I am so lucky that you work so hard for us and our little family. I appreciate that or thank you for working so hard.


Hugs and kisses....be loving, be gentle with your words.....stop questioning him and start showering him with affection! You are the wife, you have more leverage than anybody! Focus on his qualities and bring it up with admiration.


Forget about Z.....because what you're doing is making him feel like the man he is. That will rekindle his love for you, and you'll get more sex in the process too.....try it and watch him slowly melt.


Make him feel like he is the only man in the world! I know it sounds crazy but it works almost all the time unless your hubby is truly a cold one....which I doubt!


Rediscover your husband! Change the way you talk to him and no matter how hard it is, bite your tongue and make him feel good about himself. That's all a man really needs to open up in a relationship....in time he will remember why he loved you in the first place!


Much love, luck and hoping for your situation! You are a good wife, but please stop being angry at Z.....your hubby opened the door for her to enter the relationship.....but you being on to it, shut it tight and don't ever open it up! Keep that info to yourself!


Move on to loving hubby and let us know what happens!!!





Please answer mine:


http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
Maybe you need a trail separation, to release the tension, to see if can naturally come back together, if not move on





Admitting to an affair is always foolish, it only hurts the other person and the same time gives them license to do the same. No upside to it