Marriage, blended families..exhausted need advice.?

MY HUSBAND AND I GOT MARRIED IN JANUARY AND WE LIVED TOGETHER FOR 4 MONTHS PRIOR. WE HAVE A BLENDED FAMILY WITH AGES 6 TO 14. IM AT MY WITS END AND NEED HELP IM READY TO JUST LEAVE WITH MY OWN CHILDREN. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN STRICT WITH MY CHILDREN AND MADE SURE THEY BEHAVED, HAD TABLE MANNERS, POLITE, ETC. IT SEEMS WITH HIS HE DIDNT TEACH THEM ANY OF THIS! THEY SMACK AT THE TABLE, CHEW WITH THEIR MOUTHS OPEN, HAVE TRASH MOUTHS, HIS 14 YEAR OLD CUSSES AND HE DOES NOTHING TO TRY AND CORRECT ANY OF THIS! I FEEL THAT IT IS MAKING MY KIDS THINK THAT THESE THINGS ARE OK AND I AM CONSTANTLY FUSSING AT MY OWN CHILDREN TO KEEP THEM THE WAY I RAISED THEM. HIS CHILDREN ARE MEAN TO EACH OTHER AND MY KIDS HAVE NEVER BEEN AROUND SUCH MEAN CRAP! THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO ME IS MY CHILDREN AND HOW THEY ARE RAISED. I HAVE TOLD HIM ABOUT THESE ISSUES AND HE MIGHT SAY SOMETHING ONCE BUT ISNT CONSISTANT. I FEEL HE WANTS ME TO TAKE OVER FOR HIM BUT THATS NOT RIGHT HES A PARENT TOO. SERIOUS PPL ONLY PLS.Marriage, blended families..exhausted need advice.?
You have your work cut out for you with one who is 14. And I'm affraid to tell you, I doubt it will get any better. I tried this with a man with a 15 year old daughter!! She came in between us and it killed me, cause I was deeply in love with him.





Maybe you could try family counceling???





I'm probably the worst one to give advice, sense I have tried this and it did NOT work!!





Maybe stipulate to him, that he work at his on parenting skills alone and until he can get these monsters under control, you'll then think if it's worth saving.Marriage, blended families..exhausted need advice.?
Blending families and parenting styles is really tough. You have to find a way to see each other's points of view. Sometimes you need a third party to help out. A therapist or counselor can see things from the outside and help each of you see where the other person is coming from. If you are truly at your wits end and seeing this relationship dissolving, it can't hurt to at least try it.
How long did you and your husband date prior to marriage? Did you not spend time with his children prior to the marriage, cause it sounds like this behavior from his children is all new to you?





IF you didn't spend time with his children prior to the marriage why not? Had you done your homework prior to marrying this man you would have not be so surprised by how he has raised his children up to this point, and it is clear that both of you are not on the same page when it comes to rearing children...





Just because you have spoken to him once or twice this is a continuous thing that you must communicate with your husband, and you both need to compromise with one another.. his children are not going to change over night because you don't like something about them. But their father must step up to the plate and be more responsible with his duties as a father..


Why would you marry someone who views child rearing in this manner to allow his children to be so disrespectful?





It sounds like you walked into this marriage clearly with your eyes shut....





Seek family counseling if you and your husband are not able to come to a compromise and it would be advisable to have each child also involved in this counseling.





Best of Luck
I'd take my kids and leave his sorry ***.
You need to sit down and have a serious talk with him. First and foremost you need to talk to your kids and tell them that you are proud of their behavior.





Make sure your husband knows that you love his children and that you are not picking on them. He will automatically become defensive. Make sure you have this discussion when the kids are not around, get a babysitter if need be. What ever you do, don't get upset. If he blows you off, try again some other day. And remember, their behavior won't change over night (even with his help) it will take close to a year.





Been in your shoes, wish you the best of luck.
wait.. why did you marry him? you two should have figured out your parenting styles long before you got married and each others values..
Wow. It looks like you would have had an inkling of what you were getting into after living with him for four months. The deed is done. All you can do is teach his children by example. He definitely needs to be an active parent. I am in a blended marriage and ran into the same problems. I would never do it again..
Sit down and discuss with your husband how you are a team and you have to work together on this situation. Tell him when you do step in you need him to back you 100%. And you him. You are right in thinking your kids are going to see this and think it is ok so that is why you have to put a stop to it now. It is going to be a work in progress. Make a list of rules for the house and post it on the fridge. This way the kids can see it and your husband can be reminded of what is and is not acceptable. If your husband lets something slide pull him to the side (not in front of the children) and let him know what happened and that he didn't do anything about it. You might also try reading some information on the internet or books about blending families. Also you and your husband should read Bringing up Boys by Dr. Dobson.





Good luck!
I read that families don't blend ...they collied. If you cant get him to step up, suggest some family counseling
I have been married now for almost 15 years. We each had 2 kids. We went to a marriage counsler before we were married and never lived together. The 1st five years were a serious challenge but we both went into it knowing it would be. Come on you're talking about two different households with different rules and ideas for raising children. I guess although I understand your frustration, I don't see how you could possibly be ready to thrown in the towel after a few months. Sounds like some of the problem is that the lines of communication have definitely been disconnected and I suggest you work on that through some serious counseling. It will definitely help you in the long run. It also sounds like you like putting his kids down, who by the way had no choice in choosing you for a step-mother and are probally acting out because of it. #1 you must calm down! Lots of people go through and feel the way you do but you've got to approach the sitituation when you're not so angry. Get help now so you can understand each other and get a better prospective on how to raise your family TOGETHER. If you don't kiss this marriage good-bye. Good Luck!!
First take a deep breath. Then remeber why you married him and how much you love him. Talk to him about it when your both not tired from work and your not dealing with a problem. Tell him how you feel without complaining or nagging. Just let him know how you feel. I was were you are now I just stuck it out and picked the right time to talk to him about it and now were doing much better. Hope that helps and good luck.
Sounds like if you stay, you WILL have to take over because he's doing nothing. So, you're not exactly going to be liked by your step kids. OR, talk to him AGAIN %26amp; AGAIN until he gets it. I've had to burn certain things in my fiance's brain. He finally got it. Don't care if it makes me a nag if it's important.