Advice Please (What to do in a dysfunctional marriage)?

I have been married for 3 years. For 3 years my husband has flirted with infidelity. He has had a woman in the house, went on a date, collected numbers etc. The final straw was him running into his old junior HS crush and texting and conversing with her for a week before telling me about it. It was at that moment that I realized that for three years, my husband has been looking outside of our marriage for happiness and instead of begging, pleading and reasoning with him, I decided to live my own life. The one thing he vowed to do and never do is leave. For some strange reason he wants us to stay together for ever. At this point in my life, I too am too lazy to begin life as a single mom with two children. So what do I do? I start taking numbers, names and making plans to see other men. This isnt to spite my husband, its more so symbolic of me finally giving up on my marriage or lack thereof. lately I have had the urge (which I never had) to experience sex, companionship and courting with other men. The only thing that saddens me now is we have TWO people who no longer care about the marriage. Leaving seems to be logical, but its not so black and white. I love my husband, i am just not in love anymore. And to be honest, I am very comfortable otherwise. Any advice? Please be open minded, honest, and respectful with your answers. Thanks in advance!Advice Please (What to do in a dysfunctional marriage)?
Well, imagine yourself very old and on your death bed thinking of your life. What do you want to remember? That you were unhappily married, that your husband cheated, that you stayed years in this mediocre life, that you became a cheater yourself going from fling to fling without sharing anything deep and special with anyone. Or, do you want to remember that when you became unhappy with your cheating husband you took charge, you left, you threw away a life you didn't want and you worked hard at building this new life. A new life that allowed you to meet a wonderful man with whom you had years of happiness and tons of happy memories.





It's your life. You do what you want with it.Advice Please (What to do in a dysfunctional marriage)?
If you love him (like you say), don`t file for divorce, but you can certainly be more free and make your own life apart from him. You can even make new friends (both sexes) without any set plans, but if things start to happen it won`t be your fault, since you are just reacting to a cause. Be prepared to accept the end result.
Um...he had another woman in your house, went on a date and collects phone numbers...but texting was the last straw??





You're a glutton for punishment.
Counselling.
Abby, have you ever wondered why he won't take the last step and leave? Maybe he is just as lazy as you and in that case you deserve each other. But please stop bothering us with these questions if that's the case.





Somehow I sense that this giving up in investing emotionally means that you are getting ready to leave. If there is more you want in life, like a new love, NOW is the time to part. NOT if you already met the new guy and are in love. Rebounds never work. Try to see yourself as in individual and built up your own life according to your own standards. You'll see how much joy that can bring you. From that position you will surely attract interesting new guys to date with.
So, you have given up on your marriage, it happens but what you're doing isn't good for you or your children. What happens when you do fall in love with a man who is right for you? You cannot demand his commitment or ask for it, you're not free to be with anyone indefinitely.


Men won't take you seriously, they will see you as a cheating wife as long as you're married and living under a same roof as your husband.





Your children will live by your example, they'll expect their partners to behave the same. Do yourself a favor and for the better of your children's future, shut down your marriage then start dating, you'll be free to choose the route you wish. Your husband's a jerk, don't be one too.
An for an eye is what you are doing with your husband. You are committing emotional infidelity every time you get a number with the intention of acting upon. If you and you spouse WANT to continue your marriage, you and him are going to have to stop being LAZY and do something to fix it. Even if this is an open marriage there is too much dysfunction. If your children or other family members %26amp; close friends have seen this going on, you will lose all credibility regarding honesty, integrity, and trust with them. God forbid, the are children see. You are negatively teaching them values that I am sure you yourself do not want them to have as adult. Both of you should go to counseling independently and together. Being single is suppose to be easy, because you are only committed to taking care of self . The commitment of marriage is a covenant. If you are not willing to put in the work to make a life for your relationship and your children, you may as well divorce and never remarry anyone until you are ready to REALLY commit.
The only advice I would give is don't do anything with anyone else, before you're seperated / divorced. Other than that, good for you that you realized what your husband was doing. You say he wants to spend his life with you, however, do you want the same? Doesn't seem like you do. So why not take the necessary actions to be free and actually live your own life, without your unhappy marriage in the way?
Congratulations on taking off the blinders. Now, you may be ';comfortable'; right now, but this discontent will continue to grow. Whatever you need to put into place in order to leave, start working on it now No way will you stay in a bad relationship forever because you're ';lazy';. If you've only been married three years, I'm guessing you have young children. You didn't say your age, but if you don't have your college education completed yet -- get on that. You WILL be a single mom somewhere down the road, most likely. Get your preparations in place BEFORE you can't stay in the situation any longer.
Cut your losses, hon!





He wants side-dishes while you are home to service him. Go find someone who will respect you. You don't want to be the only one in the marriage, and you certainly don't want to make babies with this twit.





Hit the bookstore and pick up the latest do-it-yourself divorce guide with the forms on a CD inside the jacket. Read it carefully and fill out the forms. Take the necessary money and forms down to the county courthouse and file for divorce.