I need advice on how to help my marriage. My husband will not discuss the problems we encounter. Help!?

I want to talk about it; he will not. He is a very good father toward the girls, but not a good husband. There is no affection, sex, surprises, nothing. He is selfish. He will accept but not give.I need advice on how to help my marriage. My husband will not discuss the problems we encounter. Help!?
You two are not in love. It appears that you are in a marriage of convenience, for him mostly. For some reason he is resentful and appears to be avoiding the subject. Perhaps because if he talks about it, he will have to confront the fact that he and his wife are not in love. I think he is avoiding the hurt and pain that goes along with divorce,especially with children involved. He is obviously not available to you emotionaly, and because you cannot discuss your marital issues with him, they won't get resolved and your relationship won't get better and heal, unless he changes is attitude and decides to address the issues with you as an adult. Counseling is an option. It would allow you an avenue to talk about your concerns and if he participates, it may help you both understand more about each other. It sounds like your relationship is very one sided and you are not being nurtured emotionally, and your needs are not being met. Don't self destruct by having an affair though. Get counseling, and go to the book store and read some books on relationships. They can be very helpful in your situation. I wish you and your family peace and harmony.I need advice on how to help my marriage. My husband will not discuss the problems we encounter. Help!?
I heard something very interesting a little while ago I can't recall which psychologist said it, it went basically like this:





The key to successful marriages often has nothing to do with any specific thing except the mechanism the couple has in dealing with their problems and conflicts.





The more I thought about it, the more I think it's true. If you boil down most problems in a relationship you can see that the mechanism or the way they tried to resolve the issue didn't work or still isn't working. Most commonly women get frustrated and start to ';nag'; and men get frustrated and ';shut down';.





Discuss this with your husband, even be so bold as to say ';this is the issue in our relationship, how do you think we should try to resolve it?';. Then sit and say nothing. Let him do all the talking and see what he thinks. Now you can start to have a conversation and look at the issue together. You may be surprised how well this approach can work.
It is not possible to change anybody's habit. So your ';good father'; husband will remain that what he is now. Be happy of that your kids have a nice father, that is very important for their life, and If you need some attention and petting you have to look for it somewhere else. When you two will get older you will be more satisfied with him.
I would strongly encourage you to seek counseling together. Let him know that you are not happy and satisfied with the current situation. If he's not willing to do anything to communicate or compromise, then you need to take steps to make sure you're happy. If that means a separation or even a divorce, so be it. Your children will NOT benefit from seeing one or both of their parents suffer through an unhappy marriage. Think of the example that would set for *their* future relationships...





Best wishes!
Get counseling
Well, then you really have only two options: 1) tell him to get his butt in to see a counselor both alone and with you; or 2) you pack your stuff, and your kids, and you strike out on your own. You deserve better than that.
I think you're staying in this for the sake of your children. It's time for a divorce.
Has he always acted like this or did this just start?. If he won't discuss it, you have a major problem. If this just started, he may have stress problem, but if he has acted this way from the start, you are screwed... If he won't talk, you can't solve the problem. See if he will go with you to see a family therapist.
Do you try to surprise him...including sexual surprises? Maybe he is tired of the same old ways but isn't creative with how to spice it up? You encourage him by making some effort. Enjoy what you give to him, so that you will both enjoy it. Try sexy lingerie, bubble bath for two, date nights etc.
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It appears hes lacking the self confidence he needs to back up his decisions. It sounds like hes made some bad decisions in the past so hes just unsure of himself and needs to rebuild his confidence and he willbe alright. He may need professional help to achieve this
Unfortunately, he's going to have to see the light somehow. Sit him down when the kids aren't around and tell him you're not happy. If he doesn't want to talk about it, too bad. Tell him that your marriage is in jeopardy and unless he talks and works on it, you may not be around for ever.


Being a good father is important, but being a good husband is important too.


Trust me, there is nothing lonelier than being the only one ';in'; a marriage. He needs to contribute also. Good luck.
This is too vague, and you need help bad! Your marriage is spiraling down to an purposeful crash! I would put in more information, and please don't think that he is the only one messing up! It sounds immature when you try to have a perfect girl with a perfect monster. You want real help, put out the real problem!
He appears to have a very low ego. You need to see a counselor about this problem. Together you guys can begin to work through your problems.
%26gt;%26gt;%26gt; Instead of ';discussing'; the problem since your husband just ';shuts down.'; Why don't you try writing your feelings in a letter... Sometimes writing is a good way to get your feelings out in the open w/o confronting the person directly... Or him as seeing it as a ';personal'; attack... Simply and with as much feeling as possible write how it makes you feel not being appreciated and loved as a wife... It seems like he may not even know- it's like you've taken the role of mother as oppossed to the role of wife, and mother... I would start with that... Then go from there based on his reaction- Good luck
Just remember that you two are showing your daughters how a man is supposed to treat a woman. If he is always taking and you are always giving then what are you showing your daughters.