Issues in marriage, daughters graduating...little long, but I need some help/advice/support.?

My husband %26amp; I have been having issues in our marriage for a little over a year now. We've been married for 20yrs and have had rough patches here and there like all marriages, but this issue has been going on for years and never will be fixed, though we'ved tried several times.


My problem is that we have 18yr twins who are going off to college next year, which is a BIG change for them in itself. I want to make seperation and maybe divorce for them as easy as possible. Both girls can get stressed out very easily.


I keep trying to imagine myself in their shoes: would it be easier to take if I told them in June so they have the summer to get use to it, while away at college so they don't have to see the process? Not sure. I could really use some ';outside the box'; help on this. What would you do?Issues in marriage, daughters graduating...little long, but I need some help/advice/support.?
hey, i know your probably like ';why is a kid answering this?';.. my parents went through the same thing for about 2 years. i saw the way they treated each other and i'm telling you its not very fun to see. maybe its your husbands' job? maybe you are stressed too much....there are many diffrent answers, if you are down to those last 2 options that you mentioned i would say do it over the summer, get them used to it, because it would not be fun for them to be in college and find out that you split up, they would be embarassed taht there friends see them crying, they would think if you would have told them earlier on it would ahve been better, trust me..do it over the summer.....








p.s.- maybe you should try to hold on for a little longer...jsut a thoughtIssues in marriage, daughters graduating...little long, but I need some help/advice/support.?
Sorry to say, but I think it's a lose/lose situation.


I think you should tell them after school ends this year, but before they leave. Try to make it as simple as you can. Talk to your husband ahead of time about things like living arrangements, payment for college, etc., so you can have as many answers for the girls when you tell them about it. Keep them out of it as much as possible and stay positive. The little things are what will make the biggest difference.
As soon as possible. When kids go off to college they naturally have a bit of a time adjusting. My oldest daughter has a VERY difficult time. The other 2, not as bad.





The kids already know that the marriage is broken. I am sure it will be painful but the sooner they can start to heal the better. Good luck.
Have you tried marriage counseling? Sometimes, issues that seem ';unfixable'; can be helped when looked at by another pair of objective eyes.





That being said, I would give things another go, particularly since your children will be leaving home at the end of the summer. Having the house to yourselves will be a new dynamic for you, and you may find that having time to reconnect and deal with your problems in the absence of any children may be just what you needed to get your marriage back on track. Maybe you could plan a vacation together after the girls are gone and see if that doesn't act as the catalyst to get you talking and working through your problems.





If that isn't the case, do a trial separation, just to be absolutely sure that this is what you both want. But I would hold off on telling the girls about your situation until you both really know what's going on. There is no need to worry them unnecessarily or give them any added stress while they are trying to adjust to life in college.
It is not going to be easy for them, at all, whether they are 18 or 25 or 30. I would wait until you have actually seperated to tell them. That way there is less chance to get their hopes up that you and dad will get back together.





A side note...just because you and dad may get a divorce...doesn't mean you are free of him. You're going to have to see him at weddings, funerals, birthday parties, all the family functions. You really need to think long and hard about what you want. My husband's parents divorced after 20+ years...destroyed the whole family...and it really sucks for them, too. Mine divorced when I was 10 and it was hard, but not as hard as it was on my husband and his adult siblings.





Christmastime really sucks!
Honestly, I would let them know that you are actually separated, after they go to college. It will be easier to deal with, when not having to see their parents emotions or faces, when things happen. They will only know what you tell them, over the phone. That way, you can still be protective of them %26amp; it won't be as stressful for them.


They are adults %26amp; can handle things, but you both are their parents %26amp; that's what makes it hard.


They probably already know what's going on, more then you might know. It may also be a relief to them, that you both will love them better, apart. And, that their parents will have a chance to be happy once again.


Good Luck!