What is the best advice you would give to someone in an interracial marriage and the spouses family is racist?

My husband and I have already married and had one child together. my husbands entire family is pretty much racist. His older brother started a hate group against blacks, his mom has used the ';n'; word about me, his Dad worships hilter. There are others in the family with similar displays of bigotry. His sister in law is the only one not like the rest of his family. We went to Europe at her expense as a wedding gift. His sister and I get along very well. I have heard my husband use racial slurs against other racist twice in anger. However, It was after being called a racial slur himself. I would like to be sure that my husband is not with me to prove to himself that he is not a racist. I am unsure how or even if to ask that question to him directly. I am unsure if I should even be considering how his family is at all.What is the best advice you would give to someone in an interracial marriage and the spouses family is racist?
it is obvious that they are 'less evolved' and so i think have little contact with them, but at the same time a great deal of compassion and understanding, and know that they are sort of a bit cavemanish in their opinions, and probably clutching onto their (limiting) beliefs from a place of deep insecurity. (like defining their percieved status from downing on someone else.) and don't spend too much time thinking about them, because it's up to them to change, not you. and it is so hard to make anyone else change or see the light if they are not ready to or unable to.


so just....give it as little energy and focus as possible. think about much more pleasant things. cause life's too short to worry about what other people think, and that's not a fun thing anyway.What is the best advice you would give to someone in an interracial marriage and the spouses family is racist?
The best advice I can give is to avoid his family...period. You can have a relationship with your husband but not have to deal with his family. And I certainly would not allow my child to have a relationship with them! I have a bi-racial child and me and my fiance are both white. His family was told before they met him and my fiance would not stand for anyone using a racial slur against him or in his presence. Trust me, my family was entirely racist when I was pregnant with my son. The ones who still are don't see him or have any contact with him.





As his wife, your husband needs to put his foot down on the situation. If his family doesn't accept you then he needs to make a decision. I seriously doubt he's with you to prove to himself that he's not racist...most people don't take it that far. He wouldn't be willing to put up with the b/s from his family if he didn't love you and your child.





Just sit him down and ask him how he feels that his family doesn't accept you or the child you share with him. Be open with him, but be careful as to what you say. Alot of times people who come from that background and grow to be different want noone to put them in that category of being racist. Just remember that racism is simply ignorance...your husband was raised with that and has grown to be different from them...that's great in itself!





Good Luck!
I would avoid his family at all costs. People like that aren't even worth wasting your time or energy on. They are ignorant.





I seriously doubt that your husband is with you to prove that he isn't racist. If you feel you need to ask him then just ask him. Ask him why he loves you if you must.





All you can do is ask. If he wants to answer he will, but I wouldn't waste my time or let it consume my life.
I know what your husband is going through, in a way. I was raised by racists. From my grandparents to my cousins, hatred breeds hatred. But I grew up and went out into the world and met some wonderful people of all races that I wouldn't have otherwise met if I hadn't gotten away from my families views. Voice your concerns with your husband regarding his family. You don't want your child to grow up around those people thinking that it's ok to hate people just because they aren't the same as them. How he reacts will be a good indication of how he really feels. Good luck, and good for you for being the better person.
Move 2000 miles away. Or to France.
I was in one of these too. While the race thing didn't play into the demise of the marriage, I will give you my experience.





My late mother in law, wasn't a racist, as a matter of fact, she was over the moon when the grandsons were born, later on, she told me that she had a dream that her own grandchildren would not be ';white.';





Her husband, however, was raised around African American's, mostly around Little Rock, AR and so to hear the slurs bandied about around the dinner table one night, I picked up my kids and left.





He has gotten into trouble for saying slurs out loud so my sons, now teenagers, know what he's about and are ashamed to have the same last name as him.





I couldn't tell you if your husband is with you to prove a point. All I can say is that my ex sister in law married a man from Hawaii, she will say his brown skin is so beautiful, but in frustration or stress, she will call him a stupid n*****.





I hope it doesn't happen to you, just know it's a tricky situation that only you and your husband have to work out, good luck.
stay away rom them';you will not be able to get them to change.also ,precious is a racist-so you are living alongside one.
1. i don't think your husband is racist if he married you and had a child with you. but obviously growing up in that house he has some bad habits ingrained in him. i'd take it w/ a grain of salt.





2. ignore the family. stay away from them and keep your child away from them.





3. stay positive and focus on the love in your home, not the hatred outside of it.
If your husband married you I think that he did it for love. However I can understand why your now questioning his intentions all due to how his family is. MY advise to you would be to stay as far away from his family as possible. I'm sorry to say it but no matter how you try to show them different they will always be racist. And I'm sure that you don't want your child growing up in that type of environment. Trust your husband and try to keep the distances when it comes to his family.
I don't think you need to ask that question. You already chose to marry each other... that question probably should have been asked prior to walking down the isle. I think it is incredibly sad that his family is like that... did you know this before marrying him? Either way, does he make you hang out with the family?





Good luck honey!
I don't know what kind of future you have, your in laws are a problem. But you must have known this before you married him. I'm sure your hubby isn't a racist, so don't ask, you might hurt his feelings.


Move away from the family.
You know what type of family your husband had before you married him and you married him anyway. Now you will have to find ways to deal with their ignorance on special occasions and holidays. Trust me, you will never be able to change them, so grin and bare it.
Before marrying him you should have had no doubt about how he feels, and in dating him you should of seen how his family was acting towards you, and with all that you should have really considered whether you could handle all that or not, and at this point you should sit down with your husband and really discuss the issue of racism and what he feels about it and such since you now have children I dont think you want your child growing up around people like that and you and your husband definitely need to be on the same page when raising that child....
If you want to know if your husband is with you to prove to himself that he is not a racist, as a christian I can only suggest that you first pray to God to guide you in the converation your going to have with him %26amp; trust that he will. When you begin to talk to your husband let him know up front that there is something that you have been asking yourself for some time %26amp; you have not had the nerve to ask him because you do not wish for him to take it the wrong way or feel insulted. Choose your words wisely. You know him better than anyone. Write down your thoughts if you feel that would help you. Sometimes when people write down there thoughts %26amp; then read it to themselves out loud things will not only register in their minds in terms of what they really should say but also in what tone of voice they should use. Sometimes is not what you say is the way you say it! And sometimes is neither. Sometimes is the way they take it! But I promise you that if you always keep God in your relationship, any problem or doubt that you may have in your head will make more sence when your done praying about it! Do not wait to long before getting this question off your chest, you never know if he may have some question for you! If you haven't felt comfortable enough to ask him, dont you wonder if he may feel the same way? My boyfriend and I played truth or dare about a week ago. I wont give you details but, things worked out pretty good! Its all about the personality you each have too. If you are bipolar or have any issues like that then things may be different, sometimes people wont mention stuff like that. As far as considering his family at all is somewhat important cause you have a child together %26amp; when your child gets old enough to ask questions you need to know how to answer them. The only thing I can highgly recommend is that you lead your family to a church, alot of times we cannot teach children things because lots of times they would choose to listen and believe a stranger over us parents so I would rather them get the answer from God or a sunday school teacher who is not going to miss guide them. Good luck %26amp; God Bless!
Well, any belief, of any kind, is brought up in you since you were a child. I feel for you, because even after have a child together, they still act that way. I would talk to your husband and find out how he feels about all of this. Don't go in an talk to him about being racist, just explain how his family is making you uncomfortable. The way I see it, he married you and you married him. You didn't marry his family. AND, I'm pretty sure they put a big stink up about the wedding since they are racist. And he married you, and now has a child with you. All I can say is if he is/was racist, it sure doesn't look like it from where I am sitting. Deal with the family when you have to, let them enjoy their grand child as often as they like and put on a smile. After all, we can't help those that don't help themselves.